Stuck In A Moment
by TStabler
Summary: When a member of the squad dies, Olivia takes it hard. It makes her reevaluate her life and make a few drastic changes. When she acts on an impulse, living in the moment, she gets stuck. Someone else, though, is sticking right along with her. E/O later
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A new fic. There is a death, and the first...five or so...chapters will be angsty. This fic has a long life ahead of it, if you say so. It was inspired by actual events in my life. Hope the story lives up to the inspiration. **

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia sat in his chair, behind his desk, taking on the daunting task of cleaning out his drawers. He was never an emotional man, never a serious guy by any means, but housed between case files and work logs, hidden like so many aspects of his life, she found photos. Some of her, some of Fin, some of the rest of the squad. Partners he had before she met him, people who had come in and out of his life, and on the back of each one he had written a quote.

She flipped a photo of the two of them over and read, out loud to whoever was listening, "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."

"Albert Schweitzer said that," Fin said, sniffling as he organized the files Olivia had been handing him.

"He wrote it on the back of a photo of the two of us," Olivia said, flipping the picture over and holding up for Fin to see.

Fin smiled. "You musta rekindled his spirit, Baby-Girl," he said, forcing a smile.

Olivia looked at the photo again and said, "I'm gonna keep this."

"You should," Fin told her. "Damn," he said then, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes. "This happened so fuckin' fast," he whispered.

Olivia took a deep, shaky breath. "One minute he was here, the next he was gone. I...I don't get it," she said, controlling the desperate urge to cry.

"No one gets it," Cragen said, stepping through the squadroom with a small wooden box. "He didn't tell anyone he was sick. So to us it was sudden, to him it was endless waiting." He handed Fin the box and said, "Take this."

Fin opened it, and his friend's silver badge was shining back at him. "Fuck," he said, letting a tear fall.

Olivia blinked, unaware a tear had escaped and began rolling down her cheek. "I didn't know anything about him, other than that he had a penchant for political conspiracy, four ex-wives, and the most perverted sense of humor of anyone I know." She put her elbows on her knees, looking at a spot on the tiled floor of the squadroom, and said, "I didn't know if he liked to fish, or if he hated brussle sprouts, I never asked him why he left Baltimore or why he never left New York."

"Don't do that," Elliot said, speaking for the first time. He walked over to her and knelt down in front of her, hesitantly sweeping his thumb under her eye, brushing away the tears.

Olivia flinched, jerking back. "Stop," she said softly.

"You stop," Elliot said, looking at her with great concern in his eyes. "None of us made any effort to really get to know him because he wasn't exactly a warm and friendly guy. He didn't open up like the rest of us did, and you can't blame yourself because you didn't try to force yourself into his life. You found the photos, you know we were all important to him. He liked to keep to himself," he explained. "We're all gonna miss him, Liv, but we can't let what we did or didn't do tear us up. Life's too short to do that."

"Exactly," Olivia said. "That's the whole point. Anything could happen...I could get shot in the fucking head tonight, and I can't..." she shook her said as her voice broke, not letting her finish the sentence.

Elliot gripped her shoulders. "That is not gonna happen, Liv," he said.

"How do you know?" Olivia asked as she backed away from him a bit, narrowing her eyes slightly. "How do any of us know?" she asked with a shrug. "This has made me realize that I can't live in constant fear of other people's reactions or the consequences of what I say or do anymore. I don't want to die, never having really lived." She brushed his hands off of her shoulders. "I have to be here, now, live in the moment, because I don't know how many moments I've got left."

Elliot tilted his head. "Liv, you're not..."

"I'm thinking perfectly clearly," Olivia interrupted, finishing his thought. "Clearer than I have in a very long time. And the funny thing is I owe it all to Munch." She looked around the squadroom, trailed her fingers along the edge of Munch's desk, and closed her eyes, deciding something. "I have something I have to do," she said, opening her eyes, then turned on her heels and walked out.

"Don't," Cragen commanded, stopping Elliot as he moved to follow her. "Let her go."

Elliot, knowing better, said, "But Cap, she..."

"She's grieving, Elliot," Cragen said. "We all are. If she wanted to be around any of us, she would have stayed. Clearly, she wants to do whatever she's gonna go do by herself and...yeah, ya know what, go with her."

Elliot's eyes widened and he nodded, saying, "Thank you!" He ran out of the bullpen, into the hall, taking the stairs, and flying out the door, but he didn't see her. He chewed on his lip, then picked a direction and a destination, hoping he was right.

* * *

Olivia didn't have to turn around as she heard the crunching of leaves behind her. "You shouldn't be here," she said.

"You couldn't be more wrong," Elliot said, folding his arms. "It's you who shouldn't be here. Where the hell have you been?" he asked, folding his arms.

"I had to go home, do something, make a few decisions," Olivia said. "You shouldn't be here with me," she scoffed. "You have a family to be with. Your wife and your kids, El. I know what I learned from this, but if Munch's death is gonna teach you anything, it should be to go home and fix the mess you made you made of your marriage before it's too late."

"What are you doing here?" Elliot asked, ignoring her suggestion.

"He asked me to marry him," Olivia said, still not looking at him, leaning over the railing.

Elliot stepped toward her, his heart shattering. Silence, but for the cracking and popping of sticks and leaves and an exhaled breath as he claimed a spot next to her. "Wow," he breathed.

"He asked me to marry him, and I said no," Olivia said, looking out at the river, still avoiding his eyes. "Do you know why I said no?" she asked, scraping her teeth over her lower lip.

Olivia nodded slowly. "I wouldn't marry Dean. I gave up what is probably going to be my one and only chance to have a husband who worships me, the only chance I'll probably ever get to have the kids that I want more than anything. I let the only guy, besides you, who's been able to handle me and my fucked up life for more than five minutes just walk out of my world for a stupid reason."

"You don't love him," Elliot said again. "That's not a stupid reason. You can't be with someone you don't love just because you're afraid to be alone."

"I don't love him because I'm in love with someone else," Olivia said, gripping the metal banister. She twisted her palms around it and said, "Someone who, up until now, I was terrified of telling. Scared that he would find out, hate me for it, leave me like everyone else I've ever loved has." She bit her lip again, still refusing to look at him, and let out a bitter laugh. "The beauty of death, Elliot, is that in all it's tragedy it breathes new life into the people who survive. Munch's death has given me the push I need to tell him I love him, before it's too late."

Elliot ran a hand down his face, trying to remember how to breathe, trying to feel his feet on the ground and his blood pumping, to make sure he was still conscious. "That...that's good," he said, unconvincingly.

Olivia scoffed. "No it's not," she said. "It's horrible. See, I don't want to die...I don't want him to die...and both are very real possibilities...without him knowing how I feel. And it doesn't matter how he reacts, or what he says, or what he does, because I'm ready. I'm prepared for him to walk away." She finally looked at him as a soft breeze kicked up. The wind blew through her hair and a chill went down her spine as she said, "You're gonna walk away."

"Why would I walk..." Elliot stood up straight as it hit him. "What?" he asked.

Olivia turned to him, letting go of the railing, and taking a step closer to him. "Live in the moment," she whispered to herself, closing her eyes. She took a deep breath, opened her eyes, and looked right into his as she said, "I don't know when, I don't know how, I didn't want to, I couldn't stop it, but I'm in love with you. I am in love with you, my very married partner. My very married, father-of-four, gorgeous, strong, brave, arrogant, amazing partner."

She took his hand and took a chance, not even looking up to see his reaction. She pulled lightly, drawing him closer. "I'm only gonna do this once, because I may never get the chance again, so please, I don't care if you hate me right now, if you want to scream, hit me, run away, do it all after I'm done. I don't care, just...let me do this."

Elliot did nothing but nod once, not even sure what she was going to do.

Olivia brought one hand up and caressed the side of his face, looking into his eyes. She moved in slowly, knowing the risk, but deciding that she needed to take it. She pressed his lips to his, her heart stopping when she made contact, and for a full five seconds, their lips remained locked, still.

Olivia felt like dying, she didn't know why she was doing this. However, she started breathing again, very easily, when she felt Elliot wrap his arms around her.

Elliot ran his tongue over her bottom lip and moaned so softly when she willingly opened up to him, letting him make the kiss deeper, more passionate, pulling her closer and lifting her slightly off the ground.

Olivia's mind was spinning. She was prepared for him to walk away, she was prepared for one moment of living for herself to lead to the destruction of the only relationship she had that mattered. She had signed transfer forms on her coffee table and her apartment was half-packed. She was prepared to tell him and kiss him goodbye so she could move on with her life with no regrets. She was not at all prepared for him to kiss her back. She was not prepared for him to make her heart burst and her mind go blank with one kiss. She was not prepared to feel how much he loved her, too. Her world was crashing down around her, but in Elliot's arms, kissing him, it didn't seem to bother her. At least, not for the moment. A moment, it seemed, in which they'd be stuck for quite some time.

**A/N: Do I continue? Is this a one-shot? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: One moment always leads to another.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia pulled away from Elliot, slowly, every part of her body trembling. She shook her head and looked at him, her eyes cloudy and wide as she said, "You just...why did you just..."

"Why did you?" Elliot asked, his eyes not yet having focused either.

"I told you," Olivia said, running a finger over her lips.

Elliot looked at her, tilted his head, and said, "You really don't know." His lips curled into a smile and he admitted, for the first time, "Liv, I'm in love with you, too. I just...I'm married...and..."

"Yeah," Olivia said, interrupting. "That's why I have to..." she paused, shaking her head. "How am I supposed to walk away after you kissed me like that?"

Elliot lowered his eyes, furrowing his brow. "You're not," he said, letting his hand run down her arm gently.

Olivia scoffed with a half-smirk. "I don't have a choice now," she said, hating herself for something. A lot of somethings. She turned but Elliot's grip on her arm tightened.

"You can't just walk away after…" Elliot paused, trying to rationalize. "Liv, we can think of something," he said with a hopeful look in his eyes.

Olivia looked into his eyes, stepped back toward him, and gave him one, small peck on the lips. "Goodbye, Elliot," she said, fighting tears and turning around, pulling her arm free. She walked through the park fast, ignoring his shouts and calls. She knew he was following her, but she knew that when she needed to be, she was much faster than him.

* * *

She wasn't sure how he beat her to her apartment, but she saw his car on the street and she panicked. He had a key. If he was up there already, if he saw her boxes, he would be flipping out. She parked and ripped the key out of the ignition, then ran up the stairs. She pushed the door open, bolting down the hall and up the steps to her floor. She ran down her hallway, then sighed in defeat when she saw her door open. She gulped and walked through it, slowly, looking at the back of his head, the back of his entire body, as he stood stiff in the middle of her living room.

"What the fuck, Liv?" he asked, not turning around. "You can't...you can't be serious. Really, you were just gonna tell me you love me, then take off like this?"

Olivia bit her bottom lip, made an odd humming noise, and said, "That's kind of what I was gonna do. Yeah."

Elliot turned to face her. "And what about me, huh?" he asked, sounding more hopeless than he planned. "Did you even think about how I'd feel?" he asked, angry and hurt.

Olivia dropped her keys into a bowl on her coffee table and said, "I really didn't think you'd mind, actually. See, I never, not for a second, thought you'd fee..."

"Well, I do," Elliot said taking a large step toward her. "Even if I didn't, I wouldn't want you to leave! You are my partner, my...you're my best friend, and nothing changes that, do you understand?" He took another step toward her and grabbed her hand. "Nothing will ever change that," he declared, his tone serious and slightly authoritative, dominant.

Olivia looked towards the ceiling and licked her lips. "Nothing except being fucking crazy in love with you, unable to do anything about it, El...I can't live like this anymore. It's been killing me for years. I just...I just wanna be happy. I can't be happy if I can't be with you, but still have to see you everyday."

"Shit, do I look happy to you?" Elliot asked. he glared at her, his eyes gleaming. "Munch dies of cancer, none of us even knew he fucking had it, and it makes you the most impulsive bitch in the world, is that it? Life's short, live hard, screw everyone else! Is that your new policy?" he yelled, tossing the transfer papers at her.

Olivia caught them, her eyes drifting shut. "El," she whispered, "I thought you were you gonna hate me, okay? I had to tell you, but I didn't want to be a problem. I don't wanna come between you and your wife, or do anything that might hurt your kids, so I...you don't understand."

"No,_ you_ don't understand," Elliot snapped. "If you leave, you'll be taking everything I've got left with you! I won't be able to do my job, that's for damn sure, and my heart...shit, I won't even _have_ a heart if..." He stopped, then took both of her hands in his. "If you wanna move, I will help you pack. I hate this place anyway. But I am begging you, please, if you love me as much as you say you do, do not leave _me_."

"You?" Olivia asked, shaking her head. "It wasn't just about you," she said, pulling him toward the couch. "I need a change, Elliot." She ran the hand not holding his through her hair. "No one sees the things we see, or does what we have to do. I've sacrificed everything, for so long, given up relationships and opportunities because I loved the job and I loved you. I love you," she said, correcting her tense. "What happens if I'm late on the trigger, huh? If I get shot, or stabbed, or if I...I don't know, if I fall down the stairs and break my neck, El? What have I really..."

Elliot stopped her rambling with a kiss. A soft one, delicate, filled with emotion and heat. He pulled back before he got carried away, his hands still cupping her face. "Liv," he whispered, "Stop talking like that. You're not going to die. My job is to keep that from happening and I swear I'm going to do it. We could both use a change of scenery, I'll admit it, but you know you can't do anything but this. You'd go crazy even trying to do something else. And if you can look me in the eyes and tell me you can live without me, then..."

"I don't have a choice," Olivia said, cutting him off, her voice threatening to break.

Elliot sat back, squeezing her hand, and said, "You do. We both do."

Olivia looked at him. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

"We can make choices," Elliot said, giving a firm nod and caressing her cheek. "I can make a choice, Liv. Well, maybe, and you can choose to stay."

Olivia shook her head. "Those are choices neither of us is prepared to make," she said.

"I'll make it for you then. You're not handing those to Cragen," Elliot said, nodding toward the transfer papers in her lap. "What do I have to do to make staying worth it?" he asked.

Olivia scoffed. "You wouldn't do it," she said, shaking her head.

"Try me," Elliot said. "You keep talking about living in the moment, not regretting anything. Did you ever think that maybe we want the same things? Maybe I want to share those incredible, regret-free, moments with you? That I'm afraid of never getting the chance to love you the way you deserve to be loved? That I'm willing to risk everything for the chance to do that?"

Olivia shook her head. "I didn't actually," she said. A tear rolled down her cheek, and she said, "That's why I already gave the papers to Cragen. I left them on his desk, El. These are copies." She held up the papers and looked at Elliot, a slight sob taking over her as her head fell back in defeat.

Elliot took a deep breath; he squeezed her hand, and got off the couch, pulling her up roughly. he had a determined look on his face and a clear decision had obviously been made as he yanked her off of the couch.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked, losing her balance as she tried to stand.

Elliot caught her, and he loved the feeling of her in his arms. He resisted the urge to kiss her and asked, "You really wanna live in the moment?"

Olivia blinked at him. "And do what?" she asked.

Elliot smirked. "We're gonna break into Cragen's office and get the little fuckers back before he sees them."

"What?" Olivia asked, not believing him. "Elliot, you can not be serious! I'll just tell him..."

Elliot pulled her toward the door. "Oh, I'm serious. We go in, we get 'em back, we leave. He'll never even know we were there, he will never know these pieces of shit existed, and I will never give you a reason to wanna leave again."

"I already told you it wasn't just you," Olivia said, trying to reassure him.

"I know," Elliot said, turning to her. "But I mean, I'm gonna make the reasons you wanted to leave in the first place go away. For good." He tugged her hand, leading her out of her apartment, and she wondered what he meant by that, and how he planned to do it.

* * *

They walked into the precinct casually, waving to the night receptionist. They calmly walked over to the elevator and pushed the button, waiting for the lift in silence. The ride up to their floor was tense, neither one knowing how to handle the shift in their relationship now that the truth, which didn't mean much right now, and a few kisses hung between them.

They walked off the elevator and down the hall, turning. They'd never seen the squadroom so dark. Only a few desk lamps were lit. The night shift was ambling about in the back of the room, all surrounding one desk. The Graveyard Crew, as they were called, knew they were meant to call Cragen and the other detectives if anything huge rolled in, but little cases and phone calls they could handle alone. Therefore, they were waiting for the phone to ring, and weren't paying much attention to the front of the bullpen.

Keeping one eye on the squad, and carefully avoiding Munch's desk, they moved slowly toward the captain's office. "I can't see the lock," Elliot hissed over his shoulder.

Olivia fished around in her pocket, then handed him a penlight. "Here," she said, sounding annoyed. "I can't believe you are actually doing this," she added. "Or that you're making me do this."

"I'm not letting you leave, Benson," Elliot said, sticking the sharp end of a large safety pin into the keyhole. He jostled it around as he said, "You're stuck, right here, with me. Where you fucking belong."

Olivia's eyes closed at his words. "El," she said with a sigh. "You should know…I called Dean before you found me in the park."

Cragen's door clicked open, shifting open. Elliot grabbed the knob as he turned toward her slightly. "You aren't telling me what I think you're telling me," he said, stepping into the captain's quarters.

Olivia followed him and closed the door behind her. "That depends," she said, biting her lip. "What do you think I'm telling you?" she asked.

Elliot moved toward Cragen's desk, shuffling around papers, starting to panic. "They aren't here," he said. "Shit! They're not here!" he yelled.

"Calm down," Olivia said. "Move," she said, pushing him to the side and looking through a letterbox on his desk.

"Tell me you didn't tell him you would marry him," Elliot said, almost a plea, a whisper, as he leaned over her, breathing hotly onto her neck and into her ear.

"I want a real life," Olivia said, pulling her transfer papers out from under a stack of reports. "If that means I have to…"

Elliot ripped the papers out of her hands and grabbed her shoulders. Her eyes widened at the ferocity in his eyes. "Do not marry him," he demanded, sounding firm and harsh. "Do not make my mistake, Olivia," he warned. "You don't love him, and you'd be killing me. You'd be killing yourself, killing _us_."

"Fuck, Elliot! There is no _us_!" Olivia yelled, trying to get his hands off of her.

Elliot shoved her back against the wall and pressed himself against her. "There is now," he said, and then he crashed his lips into hers, ripping her shirt open, sending the pearl buttons flying.

A startled, strangled moan was ripped from Olivia's throat, but muffled by Elliot's mouth and garbled by his tongue. He invaded her mouth and forced his kiss onto her, into her. She wasn't complaining, just taken very much by surprise. "What…" she managed to pant as he pulled away from her.

Elliot yanked his own shirt off, pulling his tie over his head and breathing heavily as he divested himself of clothing. "Live in the moment," he said, parroting her new philosophy back to her. He smirked and grabbed her hips, grazing her soft skin slightly as he shoved down her pants.

"Are we really gonna do this? Now? And here?" Olivia asked, fear, excitement, and a lot of hope in her voice.

"Unless you stop me," Elliot said, wrapping an arm around her and moving her away from the wall. He swept a hand over Cragen's desk, clearing it. He lifted her with ease, laying her flat on the cherry wood. "Unless you tell me you want this about as much as you want to marry that asshole," he said with bitterness, tension and rigidity in every muscle, clearly visible to Olivia as her eyes danced over his body.

Olivia moaned as she felt his hands slide into her black, silk, boy-cut shorts, and she shook her head. "Don't stop," she said forcefully with a groan, her eyes darkening as he cupped her bare mound.

Elliot grinned and pressed further into her, using his other hand to unbuckle his belt. "Don't marry him," he said, just as forcefully.

"Get divorced," Olivia hissed, her eyes narrowing, spitting back his demand. Two could play that game.

Elliot chuckled, seeing what she was doing. "Who's in charge here?" he asked.

Olivia smirked. "Depends on the day, I guess," she said, sliding her hands down his chest. "Today? You," she whispered.

Elliot chuckled, suddenly sounding evil and slightly sadistic. "Moments," he said. "No plans, no rules," he hissed as he felt her hand grazing over his shaft. She pulled down his boxers and started to stroke him. "We live for us now," he moaned, dropping his forehead to hers.

"What was that you said at my place?" Olivia asked, holding in a yelp as his middle finger speared into her. "Life's short, live hard, and screw everyone else?" she chuckled, moaning as his finger started turning and moving.

Elliot nodded. He pressed his lips to hers. "As long as we never hurt each other, I can live like that," he said, kissing down her chin and her neck.

Olivia squeezed him harder and stroked faster as he pushed another finger into her. "Don't make promises you don't intend to keep," she said, biting her lip.

"I'm not," Elliot said, thumbing over her clit. He slammed his lips down to hers again and moved his hand, sliding on top of her, preparing to make the most of this moment. A moment he'd been waiting for, for a very long time, and a moment he'd want to make as long as possible.

If they could go uninterrupted.

**A/N: How long will they be stuck in this particular moment? Will someone realize they're in Cragen's office? And How, exactly, will living in the moment, and only for themselves (and Elliot's kids?), affect them in the morning? Olivia decides to take a BIG jump, next! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: A moment is fleeting, but a memory lasts a lifetime. And it haunts you until the moment you can relive it.  
**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia was silent, contemplating something, as she twisted the stapler around on Cragen's desk.

Elliot, readjusting the papers and forms, cleared his throat. He, too, could think of nothing to say.

Olivia bent down and picked up a pearl button, one of the many that had been pried from her shirt in the heat of the moment, and she rolled the bead around in her fingers, closing her eyes. "What happens now" she asked, breaking the silence, cutting through the tension-thickened air like a knife.

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked, dropping the pile of papers into the bin on Cragen's desk, making sure to pocket the ones they were there to retrieve in the first place.

Olivia, unable to look at him, said, "You know what I mean." She buttoned up her blazer to conceal the torn shirt beneath it, knowing they soon had to be seen in public. "You know exactly what I mean," she said harshly.

"I don't," Elliot said, shaking his head.

Olivia scoffed. "We're not gonna ride off into the fucking sunset, Elliot," she hissed at him. "I'm not gonna put my life on hold, I told you that, and you're not gonna walk out of here tonight and leave your wife in the morning."

Elliot ran a hand down his face. "You've gotta be kidding me," he said. "I thought we just…"

"We just fucked on our captain's desk," Olivia interrupted. "It was fucking incredible, but it wasn't a damned binding contract." She bit her bottom lip and said, "I know from experience, Elliot, men will say anything to get…"

"Is that really what you think I did?" Elliot asked softly. He sounded wounded. Deeply wounded.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and took a breath. "No," she whispered.

Elliot took a step toward her. "Stop trying to make this hard," he commanded. "Stop trying to convince yourself this isn't happening! What happened in here…shit, you were right, okay? We can't just walk through life settling for second best because we're terrified of going after what we really want, afraid of the consequences!" He glared at her, almost sneering, and said, "What happened in here tonight should fucking tell you something, Liv. I wouldn't have done it if..." he paused and shook his head, then said, "I'm not sure what it's gonna take to get things on some kind of even keel here, but we'll figure it the hell out."

"Dean," Olivia said, rolling her eyes and folding her arms.

Elliot held up his left hand and yelled, "Kathy! What's your fucking point?"

Olivia straightened up and put her hands on her hips. "El, he's expecting to come out here and give me a ring and…"

"And if he knows anything about you, he's not gonna be surprised when you tell him, yet again, you can't marry him," Elliot said, turning away from her. "Just tell him that you thought you could. But you just can't. You're not ready."

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him. "You don't think I'm ready to get married to someone who worships me, but you think I'm ready to have an affair with someone who…"

"Worships you," Elliot said, turning toward her. His eyes were red, as if he'd cry at any moment. "I worship you, and I love you, and I would die for you right now if I had to. Can he say that? Would you even believe him if he said that?" He stared into her eyes and asked, "Do you believe me?"

Olivia had to catch her breath. The look on his face was one of pure devotion, but shattered hope at the same time. She opened her mouth to say something, but a swift knock on the door stopped her.

They were silent. They looked at each other. Elliot made the move to the door. He opened it, slowly, and smirked when he saw the rookie detective on the other side. "Yes?" he questioned.

The young detective looked up at him and said, "There's a package for an Elliot Stabler out here. I don't know many of the lead detectives, but I'm pretty sure that's you."

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "A package?" he asked. "Now? It's three in the morning!"

The kid nodded. "It's been in the mail bin all day, but with Detective Munch's…"

"Yeah," Elliot said, not wanting to hear anything about Munch. "Thanks," he said, closing the door. He looked back at Olivia and made one last plea before they left the office. "Liv, if you love me, at all…if what happened here means as much to you as it does to me, then please, baby, just wait. Wait for me."

Olivia sucked her lips into the slit between her teeth and bit down, unsure of whether or not she was feeling actual pain. "Okay," she heard herself whisper.

Elliot pulled her close and kissed her, letting his tongue trace over the red, angry lines her teeth had made on her lips. " I love you," he whispered.

Olivia opened her eyes and looked at him, and knew she couldn't lie, and she had to answer him. "I love you, too."

Elliot took her hand and led her into the squadroom, still thankfully ignored by everyone but the rookie who had known they were there. He saw the package on his desk and when he read the return address, he furrowed his brow. "Liv," he said, his voice barely a whisper, "This is from Munch."

Olivia shot a hand to her mouth, stepping up beside Elliot. She watched over his shoulder as he peeled off the tape, slowly freeing the flaps of the cardboard. She reached out a shaky hand and spread the top open.

Elliot pushed the tissue paper aside and gasped at the framed photo. "It's engraved," he said. He ran a finger over the silver edge and read, "Live, Laugh, Love. Happy Thirtieth Birthday." He sighed as he looked at the picture, which was of Olivia and him in the middle of a particularly funny conversation. They were beaming at each other, faces bright with laughter, and eyes reflecting pure love. "Munch must have taken this," he whispered.

"El," Olivia said, sniffling. "There's a card," she pointed out, tilting the box toward him.

Elliot ran a hand down his face, as he did when he didn't want to show emotion, and flipped the card open. "Stabler, another year has come and gone, and another year awaits. Take my advice, and stop living like you're as old as I am. You're getting up there, pal. Soon you'll be up here with me, and when you look down, I don't want you to see the 'could have beens' the way I do. Use the time you have to fulfill every fantasy, live out every dream, and for the love of God, tell Benson you love her because if a half-blind idiot like me can see that, then it's obvious to her, too. Go with God, my brother. Happy birthday. Yours always, John."

"He knew," Olivia said, sniffling. "He knew he was dying," she whispered, absentmindedly squeezing Elliot's waist.

Elliot nodded. "He knew a lot of things," he said. He turned and looked at her. "I'm taking his advice, ya know. Every fantasy, every dream," he whispered, peering into her eyes. "They all lie with you, Liv."

Olivia's head dropped to his, and she was about to kiss him when she remembered where they were. She nodded, then turned away. "We should go," she said, pulling on his sleeve.

Elliot grabbed the box, his photo, and the card, and followed Olivia out of the bullpen. They walked out to the lot, then drove her home in silence. He walked her inside, holding her for a moment before he kissed her goodnight, and left, hoping that tomorrow would bring with it a new hope for them.

* * *

The next morning, Elliot walked into the squadroom to see a very different Olivia than he had left at the apartment. Her eyes were sunken in, but her smile was bright, plastered on. Fake, he thought. He knew she hadn't slept because neither did he. "Liv?" he questioned, looking at her.

"Hey," she responded, not looking at him. "I brought you coffee," she said stoically, gesturing to his desk.

"Coincidence," Elliot said, placing a styrofoam cup in front of her. "I did the same for you." He looked at her, really looked at her, and he knew she was hiding something. "What's up with you?" he asked, tilting his head.

Olivia looked up at him, her eyes flashed as she had a brief image of his face as he thrust into her, she could almost hear the growls and grunts. She needed to see him make that face, she needed to hear those sounds from his voice, she needed to feel him inside of her again, because the memory, she feared, was already fading. It had happened too fast for her to hold on. She shook her head and looked back down at the file in her hand. "I, uh, I was up all night," she told him. "I had to finish packing," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

Elliot leaned over and dropped his voice. "Packing?" he asked, his heart thudding. "I thought we talked about..."

"Yeah, well, we talked after I broke my lease," Olivia said. "I have less than a week to find a place, El, he already rented mine out. I haven't talked to Dean yet, I'm sure you said less than jack-shit to your wife, so right now...I'm stuck," she explained. "I need to move," she shrugged, "Even if I'm not going anywhere." She looked up at him, hoping the metaphor would hit him.

Elliot scratched behind his ear and said, "Um, you're wrong, actually."

Olivia looked up at him, one eyebrow up and the other dangerously low. "I'm not stuck?" she asked, defying him to find a way out of her situation.

"No, no, uh, you're pretty much stuck," Elliot said, teasing her, "But...I said a little bit more than jack-shit to Kathy," he told her. "Only problem is...she was asleep," he said with a shrug. "I'm trying to think of it as practice," he said, trying to get a laugh from her. "The words came out so easily, like it didn't matter what she thought," he said. "Screw everyone else, right? Well..." he shrugged and smiled.

Olivia didn't smile back.

Fin, however, did smile as he looked up and said, "Hey, Baby-Girl, we got a time. Six-thirty Saturday morning. You sure you wanna do this?"

"Yeah," Olivia said, nodding. "I think we owe it to him," she shrugged.

Elliot looked at her, smirked, and asked, "Owe who what on Saturday morning?"

"I finished cleaning out Munch's desk," Olivia said, "And I found this." She handed Elliot a list. "Things he wanted to do before he died. There's only three things left, that he never got to do, so Fin and I...we're gonna do them. For him."

"Liv, I am not letting you do any of this," Elliot said, looking at her with wide-eyes. "At least, not without me," he added. Leaning closer to her, he whispered, "We live for us, each other, you can't do something like this without me."

Olivia looked into his eyes. "Be honest with me, El," she said in a whisper. "I'm gonna be doing a lot of things without you, aren't I? You're not..."

"I told you," Elliot said, his voice taking on the dark, domineering tone she'd heard last night, "That I will."

Olivia sighed, and took the list back from him. "Okay, then," she said, shaking her head. "Fin, call them back, add one more. Seems Stabler here grew a pair and wants to jump with us," she said.

Fin smirked, looking at his two friends, and shook his head. Munch's last great conspiracy was proving true, he realized, as he picked up the phone.

"You wanna jump out of a plane?" Elliot asked, sitting behind his desk, looking at Olivia. He was beginning to think she was taking this "Live for the moment" thing too far.

Olivia looked at him; suddenly her eyes had a new, dark quality to them, and she said, "You wanna see how soundproof the interrogation room on the second floor is?"

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "The second floor is..." he paused and his eyes widened. "Hey, Fin, can you tell Cragen we'll back in about twenty minutes? Gotta, uh, talk to the people in the lab about some cases so we can finish that mountain of paperwork," he said, getting out of his chair.

"Yeah, sure," Fin said, nodding. "Keep your cells on. If anything comes in, I'll call..."

"Thanks," Elliot interrupted, practically pulling Olivia out of the room. He led her to the elevator and pushed the button.

Olivia folded her arms. "You're getting really good at that," she said, her eyes watching the digital numbers change as the elevator came closer. "Too good."

"At what?" Elliot asked, stepping into the metal lift.

Olivia, shaking with fear and anticipation, knowing what they were about to do, and why, said, "Lying."

**A/N: What happens in the empty interrogation room? Was Kathy really sleeping? If she heard him, what will she do about it? Where does Olivia have to go, and will she finally call Dean? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: ****Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.** **~ Buddha**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters. TStabler© owns this story.**

They walked back into the squadroom twenty minutes later, Elliot smirking like a devil and Olivia with a new kick in her step, and they sat at their desks ready for their next call.

Elliot looked up at Fin, seeing the odd look on his face, and asked, "What's up, man?"

"Your wife," Fin said, jerking his head toward the door.

Elliot looked at him sharply, then turned his head. He glanced warily at Olivia, who paled slightly, and he rose out of his seat, the smirk now gone. He cleared his throat and smoothed out his tie, afraid that his imperfect Windsor knot would somehow give away his infidelity. "Kathy," he said, "What are you doing here?"

The blonde smiled, running a hand down his arm. "You didn't wake me up last night," she said. "You always wake me up when you come home." She brought her eyes up to meet his and she said, "And I had the silliest dream."

"You came down here to tell me about a dream you had?" Elliot asked, annoyed.

"No," Kathy said with a shake of her head. "I came down here to ask you if it was really a dream. Elliot, um, when you came home…did you…say anything to me?"

Elliot raised an eyebrow and folded his arms. "Why? Did you hear me say anything to you?" he asked, worry in his voice. Maybe Olivia was right. Maybe this was a choice he really wasn't ready to make. Maybe he wanted to live dangerously for a while, see if he could really get away with something. Then he thought of Olivia, and he knew that he had already made the decision, and needed to own up to it. "Kathy?" he prodded, hating the thoughts the silence was making him think.

"I think I did," Kathy nodded. "Yeah," she whispered.

Elliot ran a hand down his face. "Okay," he said, "What did you hear?"

"Is this some kind of early midlife crisis?" Kathy asked him, harshly whispering. "Did Munch's death make you suddenly reevaluate your own life? Is that it?" she snapped. "You, what, made a list of pros and cons? A fucking Venn diagram, and she had more in her circle than I did in mine?"

"Kathy, stop it," Elliot hissed. "Our failing marriage really has nothing to do with her and you know it."

"Like hell it doesn't!" Kathy yelled. She heard the silence now, aware everyone was watching them, and she smirked. "You think I'm gonna let that bitch pull you out from under me like a cheap rug, fuck off! You get her out of your system and you get the hell home. I took the liberty of printing these off of the NYPD's website for you. If you know what's good for you, you'll make her sign them." She thrust papers into his chest and as he clutched them she pulled away.

Elliot was pissed off now. "Kathy, what the fuck are you…"

"And you," Kathy said, pointing to Olivia, "Stay away from him, stay away from our whole damn family, or you'll lose more than just your job." She sent one last glare at Elliot and stormed out of the squadroom.

Elliot, wide-eyed, looked apologetically at Olivia and then down at the papers in his hands. "What the hell…" he mumbled, as the transfer forms beamed up at him. "She has fucking nerve," he said, shaking his head.

Olivia swallowed hard and looked around, thankful that people seemed to be going about their business again. She drummed her fingers along the edge of her desk, chewing on her bottom lip, and shook her head. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and got out of her seat. She ripped the papers out of Elliot's hands and said, "I have a phone call to make."

"Liv!" Elliot cried, standing to follow her.

"Don't," Olivia said shaking her head and holding up a hand, stopping him, the tears in her eyes threatening to fall. "Just…don't." She walked out when she was sure he wasn't coming after her.

"You wanna tell me what the hell all that was about?" Fin asked, folding his arms.

Elliot squeezed the bridge of his nose and said, "That was my past and my future fucking up my present."

* * *

The knock on her door was frantic and loud, and she knew who it was. The desire to ignore it was fierce, but he had a key so he'd come in anyway. "Jesus Christ," she muttered, walking toward the door. She swung it open and yelled, "What?"

"What?" he yelled back, pushing her aside and forcing his way into her apartment. "What? Liv, are you fucking serious?"

"If I had a dollar for every time you asked me that…" she sighed, closing the door. "Why are you here?" she asked, folding her arms. "She told you to get your ass home, remember?"

Elliot scoffed. "I haven't gotten you out of my system, actually, so she can kiss my Irish ass," he hissed. "You gave them to him!" he yelled.

"I did," she said with one nod. "Can you help me move this box?" she asked, pointing.

"Fuck, Liv! You just ripped my heart of my goddamned chest and you want me to help you move a box of books?" he fumed. "Why the hell did you do that? How could you do that?"

Olivia ran both hands through her hair. "You obviously needed me to," she said. "I told you I couldn't live with myself if she…"

"And I told you I didn't give a flying monkey's ass if she did or not!" he yelled at her. "Olivia, do you know what I did when you left?" he asked. "I told Cragen if he even considered the possibility of transferring you anywhere, that he'd have to move me right along with you."

Olivia's eyes widened. "The fuck?" she asked loudly.

"Yeah," Elliot nodded. "Know what he said?"

"You fucking did what?" she asked, still stunned, not paying attention to the new topic.

Elliot smirked. "He said the day he submits transfer papers for either one of us, is the day he starts drinking again. Liv, the man shredded 'em. You're not going anywhere."

"You did…wait, what?" she asked, her brow scrunched in confusion now that she heard him.

Elliot walked over to her and took her hands in his. "He's not ready to let you go any more than I am. Kathy is…she's an insufferable bitch at the moment, is what she is…I do love her, she's the mother of my kids, but whatever you think you are saving by giving in to her psychotic demands," he said, staring into her wide, clear eyes, "You're really only just keeping it on life support. My marriage was dying anyway. I was never home, I shut her out of the most important parts of my life…if it was any kind of great marriage, would I have allowed myself to fall in love with you?"

"I…I guess not," Olivia said, shaking her head.

"So stop trying to keep up together," he said, "Just to give yourself a reason to run away from me again."

Damn it. He knew her so well. She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Can't get anything by you, can I?" she asked.

"Not a damned thing," Elliot said, kissing her.

Olivia pulled away quickly, her eyes wide. "El, I called him," she said.

"I know you did," Elliot told her, brushing her hair back gently. "He called me and threatened to have me investigated by the feds if I ever hurt you," he chuckled. "What I don't get, honey, is why did you tell him everything if you thought I was going home to my wife?"

Olivia sighed and shook her head. "Munch's list," she said. "One of the things he'd crossed out was 'listen to your heart.' I will never know what he did for himself, what his heart told him to do, but he gave you that advice in your birthday card, and I had to listen to mine. I couldn't marry him, no matter how simple it would make things. I love you, and I have to stop fooling myself into thinking that I'll ever be happy with anyone else. Not until I'm over you."

"I don't want you to get over me," Elliot said, cupping her face. "Not now, not a year from now, not ten years from now. Liv, if we start this…if we really start this…then it's final."

"We can't start anything," Olivia said, reaching around his wrists with her fingers and pulling them away from her face. "Not yet," she whispered.

"We already have," Elliot said. "Have you forgotten?" he asked. "This isn't about what's wrong or right, or morals or integrity. This is about you and me, and our moments. I don't want to waste a single moment. With you and me, everything matters, everything counts, and nothing else exists. Can you give me that?"

Olivia was silent, concentrating on the look in his eyes and the feeling of his hands looping around her waist. She was brought back to the moments in the interrogation room. She felt them all over again, his hands on her, in her, his fingers twisting and turning. She felt his strong arms holding her as he thrust into and out of her with such love and determination, power and gentleness. She heard him whisper he loved her, he said her name, he called her sweet names, and she came around him at his will, she was at his mercy. She had her moments, and she desperately wanted more of them, no matter what it might cost her.

"Baby," Elliot said, searching her eyes.

Olivia breathed. "Yes," she said, finding her voice.

Elliot pressed his lips to hers, gently at first, but it quickly grew as the passionate fire that always ignited when they kissed engulfed them. He wrapped her tight in his arms and deepened the kiss, making the most of this moment. "Liv," he whispered, "My place."

"Can't," she mumbled against his lips. "Wife and kids," she said, as if he needed reminding.

Elliot chuckled. He pulled away from their kiss and said, "No, baby, the apartment. I got it last year when Kathy kicked me out, remember? Still have it," he told her.

Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"It's yours," Elliot said. "If you want it," he told her with a smirk. "You need it, baby, it's yours."

Olivia bit her lips for a moment, and then she shrugged. "Makes sense," she said, nodding.

"I've got a key already," he said with a wink. "And, uh, you might be getting a roommate soon."

Olivia furrowed her brow and folded her arms. "Who?" she asked, sounding annoyed.

"Me," Elliot said with a sigh. "I'm going home and I'm gonna talk to Kathy. While she's awake. Odds are, I'll be needing a new place of my own." He kissed her lips gently and said, "If she doesn't kill me, I'll pick you up at five."

Olivia sighed, nodded at him, and smiled against his lips as he kissed her again. She closed the door behind him as he left and looked up at the ceiling. "Munch," she said, "I really need you right now." Her eyes drifted shut as she slid to the floor, worrying about Elliot's night with Kathy, and the morning jump waiting for her.

**A/N: Olivia, Fin, and Elliot (if Kathy didn't kill him) take a huge leap, next. And Olivia's fear of her own demise gets the best of her. (Reckless?) Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:****Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters. TStabler© owns this story**

The loud knocking on her door woke her up, and she was thankful. She couldn't catch her breath, the sheen of sweat covering her body only made her colder in the chilly apartment, and she shivered. She blinked, heard the knocking, and she looked around for a moment before realizing someone was at her door.

She ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath, closing her eyes tightly as she got out of her bed. She tried to shake the nightmare away, but she couldn't; the dark images swirled in her mind as she padded through her empty living room.

"Fucking hell," she hissed, kicking a heavy box, one that Elliot should have moved hours ago. Finally she hobbled over to the door and yanked it open, none too happy about who was on the other side, or that he looked chipper and cheerful.

"Well, I would say 'good morning, beautiful,' but you look like shit," he told her.

She simply nodded. "What did you forget?" she asked, squinting at the bright light pouring in from the hallway.

He raised an eyebrow. "Nothing," he said. "I think you forgot…are you okay?" he asked, finally noticing she really looked horrid, not like herself at all.

"Oh, shit," she spat, slapping a hand to her forehead. "I didn't set the alarm. I thought it was only…never mind. Give me a minute," she mumbled, turning on a light and running back into her bedroom.

"Liv," he said, following her. "Seriously, are you okay?" he asked, his words laced with love and concern. "You really don't look…"

"I'm fine," she interrupted. "I had a…" she paused to laugh at herself. "God, it's so silly. I had a bad dream. It was nothing."

He turned his head, taking a look around her room, and he saw the bottle on her nightstand. "You set the alarm," he said, lifting the pills off the table. "You slept right through it, Liv! Sleeping pills? What kind of bad dream merits you, of all people, turning to drugs?"

She ripped the bottle out of his hands violently and said, "Drop it. I'm awake, I'm fine, let's go jump out of a plane." She turned her back to him and reached for her jeans.

He grabbed her arm and said, "We aren't going anywhere until you talk to me!"

"Let me go, Elliot," she warned, looking at him sternly.

"Talk to me," he demanded, pulling on her, yanking her body into his. "Don't shut me out, baby. I hate when you do this."

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Please," she said through gritted teeth. "Just let me go, and I will tell you anything you want me to tell you."

Elliot made a grumbling noise. He let go of her arm and looked into her eyes, finding his own patchwork quilt of emotions staring back at him. At least he knew she felt the same way about him as he did about her, even though right now she wasn't acting like it. "What's going on, baby?" he asked softly.

Olivia sighed and walked over to her dresser, changing her pants. "I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. I keep dreaming about Munch, sick and dying, alone in his room. He's calling for help, crying out for someone to just...be with him, and I keep looking and looking but no matter what door I open, he's never there. By the time I find him, it's too late. He's dead. Only...he's not Munch when I find him." She looked into his eyes, trying to tell him something.

"Oh, Liv," Elliot sighed, walking toward her. "You're not gonna..."

"No. It's not me, either," she said, quickly looking away from, pulling her pajama top over her head. She grabbed a bra and tee-shirt out of her drawer, putting them on, not caring if he watched at the moment.

Elliot was too stunned by the realization that she was having nightmares of his death, causing her to take pills to give her a dreamless sleep, to notice she was topless. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, trying to say something to her, trying to comfort her, but all he could say was, "I'm leaving Kathy."

Olivia tugged on her shirt and snapped her head toward him. "That's...what?" she asked, unsure if her lack of sleep and uncomfortable thoughts had sent her into a state of disillusionment.

"I told her," Elliot said. "I told her she was right. Munch's death made me realize that I wasn't living the way I really wanted to, and it wasn't fair to any of us," he said. "I told her I loved her, but I just wasn't really in love with her anymore, I hadn't been for a long time. I told her I didn't want to make her feel alone and neglected anymore, and I didn't want to keep shutting her out, and I had no desire to let her in. I told her I couldn't let her be a part of the hell I have to live in, the pain, the violence. I told her she didn't deserve it."

"What?" Olivia repeated, taking a small step toward him.

He looked at Olivia, at her sunken-in eyes, dark with exhaustion and worry, but filled with hope and love. "I told her," he continued, "That it was God, and fate, that gave you to me. You, someone who wouldn't mind living in Hell with me, who I wouldn't have to try so hard with, who would give me strength and who would understand me, give me the stability and comfort I couldn't get from her."

Olivia looked up at him and blinked.

"I told her," he said, brushing her amber-colored locks out of her eyes, "That in opening up to you, in letting you in, I found myself. I found my home, and I fell in love, and I couldn't live without you anymore. Not now that I've come so fucking close to...now that I know I could lose you at any moment."

Olivia felt the tear rolling down her cheek, and she felt Elliot's thumb brush it away. "What did she say?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

Elliot smiled at her. "She said she already knew," he told her. "That's why she got so angry, that's why she threatened you. She knew you and I were…uh, she knew you'd leave for me." He leaned in close to her, brought his hand from the back of her head to the side of her face, brushed his lips lightly over the crease of worry in her forehead, and said, "She told me to have my things packed and out by Monday, and we would talk to the kids, leave it up to them who they want to stay with, and when. She wants the house and half of everything. She's not…well, she's not surprised."

Olivia sniffled and grabbed his wrist, holding it gently as he cupped her face. "Everything you just said," she whispered, squinting slightly as she looked into his eyes, "Was all of that…"

"The absolute truth. I just…that moment in the park, when you kissed me, it all hit me harder than it ever had, and I realized that some chances are worth taking, Liv." He kissed her tenderly and said, "Some things are absolutely worth risking everything for, including my life."

Olivia cringed when he said that, seeing a brief flash of her nightmare in her mind, but she knew what he meant. They did risk their lives for each other every day, every night, and without question or pause. She nodded. "What do we do now?" she asked, splaying her palm over his hand against her cheek.

"Now?" he asked, smiling at her. "We go meet Fin, we jump out of a plane, and then…" he closed his eyes and sighed. "Munch's funeral. But later, we move...into my apartment. And we move on."

Olivia leaned up and kissed him, relishing in their moment, and curled into him, trying to forget her nightmare, trying to breathe in his promise of a new life.

He pulled away from her and gave her a soft peck on the nose. "Let's go," he said, pulling her out of the bedroom. He led her out of the apartment, taking her off into a new, unforgettable moment.

* * *

"Do you remember everything I told you?" the instructor shouted over the whirr of the plane's engine and the loud wind.

Fin gave an excited "thumbs up", Elliot nodded, but Olivia was holding onto the side of the plane, looking out, ready to go.

Olivia turned to Elliot and said, "You don't have to do this, you didn't…"

"Uh-uh," Elliot broke in, shaking his head. "You jump, I jump, remember?" he shouted at her over the noise, taking her hand. "No matter what, Liv," he promised, looking into her goggles-covered eyes.

She squeezed his hand and looked at the instructor. "Are you sure we shouldn't be strapped to…"

"You've all done this before," the man said. "Police, firefighters, and members of the United States Armed Forces can jump on their own as long as they're with a licensed instructor, that's me, and they have back-up 'chutes. And ya do." He slapped Fin on the back and asked, "My man, ya ready?"

Fin placed a hand over his heart and said, "Johnny boy, wish me luck." He brought two fingers to his lips, kissed them, patted his chest again, then leaped out of the small aircraft.

Olivia looked at Elliot, he looked back at her with a nod, and they squeezed each other's hands as they jumped.

It wasn't just a jump off of a plane to honor the memory of a friend and colleague; it wasn't just something they were doing because he never got the chance. They were taking a leap, together, living in the moment, not knowing what waited for them on the ground below. Not knowing what would happen when they landed, if they would land at all. They took a leap into a new moment together, for the first time not worried about what would happen.

Falling through the air, hands clasped together, they felt free. They let go of the fear, of the confusion, of the burden that keeping their feelings from each other so well hidden had become. They let go of the worry and they were left with the moment, and each other.

Fin was the first to pull his cord, and they both watched as the air propelled him back up into the sky. Elliot looked at Olivia, a silent question as his hand moved to the strap on his shoulder.

Olivia reached for her cord and they pulled together, flying through air, then together, they fell. Drifted, watching the city below them from a bird's-eye-view, where it looked so beautiful and calm.

Their hands were still connected, their thoughts were still only with each other, and with Munch. Neither was aware of just how far they were really falling, how fast, or how hard.

Olivia would be first.

It would happen soon; tonight.

And Elliot would have to act fast, or no one would be there to catch her before she hit the ground.

**A/N: Does that mean something happens after Munch's funeral? Or AT Munch's funeral? And does Elliot get to her in time? Where is Cragen in all of this? He, too, is stuck in his own moment. Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: "You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment." Henry David Thoreau**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia held her breath, listening to the horn play TAPS, trying not to cry. Her crisp black uniform, with shining badge over her heart, made her look formal, regal. She felt quite the opposite, somehow feeling low, worthless. The moment her feet hit the ground after she jumped out of that plane, a cloud of clarity hung over her and she just knew. She knew life, as she knew it, as she wanted it to be, was over.

The hat on her head kept the sunlight out of her eyes, and hid the red, raw orbs from anyone who might be looking, and people were, indeed, looking. She wanted to leave, wanted to run, far and fast. But she stayed, sandwiched between Elliot and Fin, staring at the casket.

This moment, this song, this funeral seemed to be lasting forever. She scanned the crowd of people paying their last respects, and she wondered briefly what the three women in black in the front row were thinking. How do you bury your ex-husband? How do you let go of someone, after you've already let them go?

She quickly shot a glance to her left, seeing Elliot's stone-like stance and emotionless face. She asked herself, how do you let go of someone if they were never yours? If they were only just given to you? Are there different and appropriate levels of grief? Should she be crying harder for Munch than she was because she knew him for years, or is it understandable that she would only be crying hysterically if this was someone else's funeral.

She blinked once and felt dizzy, her head suddenly fuzzy. She felt her heart speed up. It wasn't Munch in that box anymore, and it wasn't a bright, sunny day anymore. It was dark. Cold. She felt herself slipping away and grabbed onto the man next to her.

"Liv," Elliot whispered, turning his head, catching her. "Baby, what's wrong with you?" he asked, rushed and panicked as several other officers began to pay attention to them rather than the Rabbi who had taken a spot in front of the coffin.

Olivia dug her nails into his arm, squeezed her eyes shut, and forced herself to take a deep breath. He was here. He was okay. So was she. It was fine. "I'm fine," she said, exhaling. She shook her head and straightened up, letting go of him and facing front.

Elliot narrowed his eyes at her, but let it go. He didn't want to disrespect Munch. He turned, too, and listened as the Rabbi spoke, talking of love and life, death and loss, how from each death a new life is created. From each ending a new beginning is born. How the people John Munch left behind should not mourn and suffer his loss, but live and celebrate in his memory, in his honor.

Fin chuckled, then, thinking back to that morning, when he and his two best friends did just that, and dove out of a plane because they knew he would never have the chance.

The Rabbi, then, seemed to look directly at Olivia, and said, "Our faith tells us but one thing, and only this. There is more to life than being alive. Take from that, and the answer to every question you have ever had shall be revealed and you shall be fulfilled."

Olivia stopped listening after she heard the first bit. It echoed through her, over and over. There is more to life than being alive. This is what she had been grappling with. This very thought had been keeping her up at night, making her wonder if she was having an epiphany or just trying to deal with her friend's death. Now she knew, though, it was time to truly let herself live. Let herself go.

She blinked and the Rabbi moved, the bugle played a slow, heartbreaking version of Amazing Grace, forcing the tears out of her eyes. She heard Elliot sniffle and knew he was crying, now, too, finally. She discreetly clutched his hand, keeping her arm still and at her side, gripping him tightly. She jumped, and felt him do the same, when the eight men to their right fired their rifles, in Munch's honor. As each blast sounded, her heart broke and healed.

The guns were lowered and the shooters stepped back. Olivia begrudgingly let go of Elliot's hand, and sniffled. Cragen stepped forward and at once, as one, the entire group of uniformed officers, from New York and Baltimore, saluted their friend and brother for the last time. The casket was lowered into the ground, and it was so quiet you could hear the squeaking of the pulley doing its job.

Once the coffin was in the cold, damp ground, the officers lowered their hands, and the Rabbi stepped forward again. Each mourner was handed a red rose as they moved, in a single file line, passed the man to the grave.

Olivia clutched her flower's stem, and as she stepped up to the large, rectangular hole, she peered into it. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, dropping a soft kiss to the top of her rose. She tossed it into the grave, watching it land on top of the coffin, and the last of her tears fell. She nodded, as if he had just told her to do something, and she was agreeing. She would do it. Whatever it was.

She stepped over to Elliot, looked into his red eyes, and with a small smile, she said, "Before, when I…"

"You almost fainted," Elliot interrupted, grabbing her hand, sighing in relief that she didn't.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I…"

"You had a panic attack," he interjected again. He searched her eyes beneath her cap, knowing he could tell if she was okay if he looked close enough.

Olivia sighed, squeezed his hand, and nodded.

Elliot, still holding her hand, tugged her away from the site, toward the waiting black car, and he leaned in close. "Why?" he asked. "Are you all right?"

"I just…" she took a breath and closed her eyes. "It was you again," she admitted. "I was thinking about his wives, and then that made me think about what Kathy would have to do if…" she stopped, feeling her heart race again. She tried to push the panic away and said, "And then I thought about what I would…what I would do if you…" she lost her balance again, stumbling into him.

He caught her again, not letting her fall anymore than an inch. "Liv, honey, you have to stop," he told her softly, gently. "You're gonna make yourself sick."

She nodded. "I know," she said, looking back up at him. "I know," she repeated, stepping away from him and letting his hand go as she noticed Cragen and Fin walking toward them.

"Elliot," Cragen said, taking off his hat, "Olivia."

Elliot nodded to his captain, and then to Fin. "You go," he said. "I don't think either of us…" he gestured to Olivia, who seemed to be staring at a leaf hanging onto a tree in the wind. "You're his captain, and his partner. You should be there. We'll go back."

Cragen nodded and slapped Elliot in the shoulder. "Call me if you need me," he said.

"Thanks, man," Fin said, shaking Elliot's hand and pulling him into a manly hug. He leaned over and kissed Olivia's cheek. "Later, Baby-Girl," he said. He didn't get an answer. He looked at Elliot and they shrugged at each other.

Elliot watched Fin and Cragen walk away, then turned his attention back to Olivia. Her gaze was fixed on the leaf, holding onto the branch for dear life, the wind picked up, though.

Olivia gasped slightly as the leaf was ripped away from the safety of its branch, and she followed it with her eyes as the wind carried and swirled it around. It landed, as if someone was trying to tell her something, on Elliot's shoulder. She reached for it, picking it up gingerly with her thumb and forefinger. She twirled it in between her fingers and closed her eyes, remembering what she had imagined Munch telling her. "Let go," she whispered, "He'll catch you."

"Liv?" Elliot called, breaking her reverie. "We should…I mean, I don't want you here any longer than you have to be, so…"

Olivia opened her eyes and nodded. She held onto the leaf and turned with him as they walked toward their car again, and she asked, "How old were you when you got your first tattoo?"

"Eighteen," he said, the answer coming swiftly. Mechanically. "As soon as I could, I did. Why?"

"Did it hurt?" Olivia asked, tilting her head a bit.

"Like a bitch," Elliot told her, "Why are you…you want a tattoo now?"

Olivia shrugged. "I might. It was on his list. Fin's getting one."

Elliot shook his head. "Jumping out of planes, getting tattoos," he said with a chuckle. "Hey, riding across the country on a Harley was the last thing on his list, there's no way you can…"

"If you come with me, I can," Olivia said, stopping at the car and turning to face him. "You ride. I know you do."

Elliot widened his eyes and took off his hat. "Liv, I can't drop everything and take off on a motorcycle! Do you how ridiculous and…"

"Spontaneous," Olivia said, a smile coming to her lips. "Careless, a little reckless. I know. When are we ever…I never would have even thought about doing something like that if…" she stopped. "I don't wanna go across the country. Neither does Fin, we talked about this. Maybe just upstate, to the mountains or something. Somewhere he would have wanted to go. We'll just take a weekend off, ya know?"

"You're serious," Elliot said, folding his arms and leaning against the car. "Baby, you're really fucking serious about this."

Olivia nodded. "I need to let go, El," she said. "You've been trying to get me to do it, and I can't…you're leaving your wife, and your family. I'm moving out of my apartment and leaving Dean. We're already fucking destroying everything, I'm exactly what I told myself I would never be, and I think…doing this would be like…"

"Starting over," Elliot said, getting it. "Living in the moment, taking chances, this is really what you're all about now, huh?" he asked, smiling. "No more overly cautious, walking-on-eggshells, Detective Benson?"

"From now on, El," she said, opening the door of the car, "You just get me. Olivia. Whoever I happen to be at the moment."

Elliot walked around to the driver's side, got in, and leaned over the console. He kissed her and held her gaze as he said, "Honestly, that's all I've ever wanted."

Olivia smiled at him as he started the car, and as they pulled away from the cemetery she turned her head toward the window. She fixed her gaze on the grave, saying one last goodbye to Munch, and she dropped her head back onto the seat.

A night alone with Elliot in the squadroom. This was gonna lead to talking. Talking would lead to moments she wasn't ready for, but she was ready to be ready.

**A/N: How do they handle a night alone at work together? Cragen comes back sooner than he's meant to, and might walk in on a private moment. Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters. TStabler© owns this story.**

It was quiet. Too quiet. Olivia kept looking over at Munch's desk and wincing, then looking back down at her paperwork. Some other detectives were out on the calls, she was holding down the fort with Elliot while Cragen and Fin were at Munch's repast.

Elliot had made coffee but Olivia hadn't touched it. He watcvhed her turn away the beverage a few times, and he watched her sign her forms with tears in her eyes. He needed to do something to distract her.

Olivia saw him looking at her, and she smiled sadly when he looked away. She caught another glimpse of Munch's empty desk and sighed again.

Elliot looked up at her and shook his head. "Are you okay?" he asked, dropping the file in his hands. He looked at her and watched her nod.

"I just...I'm exhausted," she said. "Emotionally, physically, mentally," she listed, waving a hand. "I'm tired."

"I made coffee," he told her, folding his arms.

Olivia shook her head. "That stuff'll kill ya," she said absently.

"Your job can kill you," Elliot countered. He got up, walked over to the table and poured her a cup, then brought it back to her desk, dropping it in front of her. "Live in the moment, Liv," he said, nudging the mug toward her.

Olivia looked up at him and smirked, then she rolled her eyes and took a sip of the coffee. "Uh, so most of my stuff is at your place now," she said, eying him for a reaction.

"Good," Elliot said, nodding.

Olivia took another sip of the coffee and asked, "You sure this is what you want?" She looked down at the floor for a second and said, "You don't have to give up..."

"Hey," he said to her, smirking. "I'm not losing anything. I'll still see my kids, on weekends and holidays, which is the only time I really saw them anyway. I'm getting a much better life with you than the one I'm leaving behind."

Olivia looked at him and smiled. "So I guess we're going home together when we leave here, then?" she questioned, signing the file on her desk.

"Home," Elliot said, running a hand through his hair and chuckling. "Yeah, baby," he said softly. He looked around for a moment, seeing the nearly empty squad room. He got up again, walked around to her desk, and knelt in front of her. "Kiss me," he whispered, looking into her eyes.

"We're at work," she hissed, looking around, thankful no one was paying attention.

Elliot grinned and took her hand, pulling her up, and he led her out into the hallway. He pushed open a door and pulled her up the stairs to the roof, then walked her over to the ledge. "Not at work now," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "Technically," he added.

Olivia sighed into his arms. "Guess not," she said softly. "The city looks so different from up here."

"Imagine what it looks like from Munch's point of view," Elliot whispered to her, looking up. "You know, he is probably up there, laughing his ass off at us. It took his death to make us realize..."

"He's not laughing," Olivia said, smirking as she interrupted him. "He's gloating. He's telling all of the other angels that he did this, ya know. He's proud of himself for getting us together."

Elliot laughed and kissed her. "He is, and I'm betting you anything that he's found Kennedy and Elvis up there, and he's pissed that all of his conspiracies were wrong."

Olivia chuckled softly. "I'd give anything to have to sit through one of his crazy stories, just one more time," she said, holding Elliot tighter.

"I know, baby," Elliot said to her. "I've been thinking," he whispered, his mouth moving slowly over her forehead.

"Uh-oh," Olivia joked, placing a soft kiss to his neck.

Elliot chuckled. "I'll take you wherever you wanna go," he told her. "I have a friend who'll lend me his bike, and I'm sure Cragen won't mind if we take off early on Friday."

Olivia pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. "Really?" she asked, wonder in her eyes.

"You only live once," he shrugged. "I wanna do all the living I can, with you," he told her, kissing her. One kiss, and he was gone. His hands wrapped up in her hair, he licked her lower lip and deepened the kiss, pulling her tight against him. He knew she could feel his growing need for her.

Olivia moaned softly against his lips. She ran her hands up and over his back and shoulders, feeling him do the same. This moment, she thought, was going to pass them by, end too soon. She needed to make the most of it. She tugged on his shirt a bit, making him groan.

"What," he said, not a question, just a word.

"Off," Olivia whispered, moving her hands around to the front of his shirt. She started unbuttoning it as she kissed him.

Elliot moaned a little louder, moving his own hands to her cotton top. He pulled it up, and they broke apart so he could get it over her head. "You're crazy," he told her, shaking his head.

"You said it yourself, you only live once," she chided. Her hands slid down to his pants and she had them down in seconds. Elliot made quick work of her pants, too, and then spun her around to lean her up against the ledge.

Elliot looked into her eyes as he entered her, slowly and completely, and he held her gaze as he began to move. He watched her face contort, her eyes flutter, and her teeth clamp down on her lip. "You look so beautiful right now," he said, moving faster and harder.

Olivia bit her lip harder as her leg slid up his body. She needed him, all of him, and he knew it. She knew he knew it, and he was giving himself to her. She was loving every minute of it. "Oh, God, El," she panted, her arms wrapping around his neck.

Elliot kissed her, muffling their mutual moans and cries. He mumbled, "I love you," against her lips, and she murmured it right back to him. They moved together, in sync, making their words mean so much more through their actions.

* * *

Cragen and Fin walked into the squad room, both looking around at empty desks. "Hey, Fratelli," Cragen yelled to one of the other detectives.

"Yes, Captain?" the man replied.

"Benson and Stabler," Cragen said, folding his arms, "Where are they?"

"Uh, they walked out about twenty minutes ago. They were having a hard time," the man said. "Oh, and Sergeant Tucker stopped by. He said the new detective will be in tomorrow morning."

Cragen nodded, then looked at Fin. "I'll be right back," he said, "I think I know where they are."

* * *

Elliot finished straightening out Olivia's shirt, and she had just finished buttoning his up. He looked into her eyes and smiled at her. For the first time, in a long time, he saw her eyes sparkle. "You're happy," he said.

"I am," she replied.

"You haven't been," he told her. "You haven't been happy in a while. But you're happy now," he determined.

"I'm happy with you," she said, looking down. "I probably sound..."

Elliot stopped her with a kiss. He wrapped her in his arms, deepening the kiss, not hearing the door behind them open.

Cragen watched them kiss and his heart both swelled and shattered. He was hoping they wouldn't run to each other for comfort, he was sure he was happily married and she was dating the federal agent that the entire unit hated. He watched them, still kissing, and knew that they belonged together, but knew that this moment had just changed everything.

He sighed and shook his head as he turned and walked back down the stairs. He wouldn't tell them he knew anything, at least, not tonight. Tonight, they needed the comfort and the peace they found in each other's arms.

Tomorrow was another story.

**A/N: Who is the new detective? What trouble could he cause for Elliot and Olivia? Will Cragen say something to them? And Maureen pays a visit to the squad room. But why? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: "I need neither future nor past, but to learn to take today not too fast." ~Jeb Dickerson**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters belong to Dick Wolf. Story, dialogue, narrative and plot belong to TStabler©**

The wind was hitting her, gliding over her body. She had her arms wrapped tightly around Elliot, she rested her head on his back, and she let the world pass her by as they weaved in and out of cars, heading toward the sunrise.

Elliot looked over her shoulder for a moment, smiling to himself. He looked back at the road ahead of him and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. This felt right, this moment, with her clutching onto him as they headed for a distant obstacle, it was home. He flicked on his blinker and followed Fin, on the bike in front of him, taking the exit off the highway.

Fin led them down a winding country road, then turned into a diner parking lot. He parked his bike, then looked over as Elliot pulled his into the space next to him. He smirked when he was how tightly Olivia was clinging to him, and he chuckled when she let out a disappointed moan as she moved off of Elliot.

"Ya know," Fin said, "You two would make a really cute couple."

Olivia and Elliot snapped their heads toward him. Elliot blinked, then laughed. "Funny," he said, getting off of the motorcycle and holding a hand out for Olivia.

She slipped her fingers into his palm, thinking for a moment about how perfectly her hand fit into his, and she squeezed. She climbed off the Harley, and said, "Fin, he's my partner. He's married."

"Divorced," Fin said with a smirk. "But you keep tryin' to find a way to prove me wrong. I'll pretend you're right." He led them up the stairs and into the diner, then walked them toward a booth. He slid in, and watched as Elliot and Olivia sat together on the other side. He laughed to himself and tried not to roll his eyes.

Elliot slipped his hand under the table and palmed Olivia's knee. He ran his thumb over the side of her jeans and began to caress her leg.

Olivia smirked and slapped her hand over his, stopping his movements. She linked her fingers with his and sent him a sidelong glance. "What do you want?" she asked.

Elliot leaned into her and whispered, "You," and had to stop himself from kissing her.

She nudged him with her elbow and said, "I meant, what do you want to eat!"

"Same answer," Elliot said with a shrug.

She felt a shiver run down her spine and a throb start low in her body, he was making her want him, right here, right now. "Food," she said, looking into his eyes.

Elliot chuckled and said, "I'll probably get French toast."

She hummed and ran the pad of her thumb over the side of his hand. "Sounds good," she mumbled. She felt her heart speed up as the thought of the meaning behind their subtle touches hit her. It wasn't just a moment anymore, it was a constant with them now. The more time she spent with him, now that their feelings were no longer a secret, she felt how real the connection between them was, and she was determined to keep him.

Fin narrowed his eyes, seeing the expression on Olivia's face. "You okay, Baby-Girl?" he asked, moving so their waitress could drop a glass of water in front of him.

"Huh?" Olivia said, snapping out of her thoughts. "Oh, yeah. Fine. Just tired. This week has been…emotional."

Elliot gave her hand a light squeeze, telling her he knew exactly what she'd meant. The ups and downs, the risks they had taken, the relationship on which they were embarking, combined with Munch's death and funeral, all made this week Heaven and Hell for them.

"I think I want eggs," Olivia said, this time, snapping Elliot out of his reverie. "Scrambled. With cheese."

Fin chuckled. "You put cheese on everything," he said with a laugh. "Oh, man, remember when you put cheese on your chicken salad?"

"With the hot peppers!" Elliot laughed.

"Munch asked you if you were pregnant," Fin said, with a softer chuckle.

Elliot looked at her. "You said yes, then told him it was his," he recalled.

Olivia smiled and nodded. "He told me to take care of the little Munchkin," she said with fond remembrance.

There was a long moment of silence. Fin cleared his throat and looked down at the menu, shaking his head. "I still can't…it just doesn't seem real."

"Feels too real to me," Olivia said softly, sipping her water.

Elliot hummed in agreement and said, "I think he did us all a favor. We wouldn't be here, right here where we are, doing what we're doing, if he didn't…"

"That's true," Fin said, looking up before he could finish his sentence. "But what I'm wonderin' is why did it take his death to make us realize that we weren't really livin,'" he told them. "We deal with death and loss every damned day. Ya figure, those dead kids make ya wanna be a better parent. The dead hookers make you think they musta had shitty lives to be doin' what they did. Dead college kids make ya wanna follow your kids around until they're done with school for good. How come nothin' ever just made us wanna live better lives until Munch?"

Olivia looked at him, rested one palm on the table while keeping her other hand locked into Elliot's, and she said, "Because it wasn't personal until now. Those other victims, they weren't us. We could never see ourselves in them, in their position. We all saw ourselves in Munch." She took another sip of her water. "He was a cop, a friend, a brother. And those other victims, ya know, they were…victims. Munch wasn't. His death wasn't a brutal murder or an accident, it was cancer. It could happen to any one of us."

"Damn," Fin said when she had finished. "You really know how to put things into perspective, Benson."

Elliot let out a quick breath. "Yes, she does," he said. He took a gulp of his water. "Fin, uh, there's something you need to know. Before we get to where we're going."

Fin looked at Elliot, then noticed that he couldn't see Elliot's right hand. "You two. You didn't do what I think you did, did ya?"

Olivia smirked and shook her head. "Depends on what you think we did," she said.

"Aw, man," Fin groaned, rolling his eyes. "I can't keep secrets. I am the worst at hiding shit, guys. I don't know anything,' and I won't tell Cragen a damn thing, just tell me if I'm gonna hafta close my eyes or leave you two alone every ten minutes."

Elliot smirked, sipped his water, and said, "Five."

Fin rolled his eyes. "Do you two know what you're doin," he asked.

"Honestly?" Olivia questioned, pausing to give her order to the waitress. "No," she said, handing the woman her menu, then turning back to Fin. "No fucking clue."

"We're figuring it out, though," Elliot said, pointing to the spot in his menu where his meal was listed. He handed the waitress the folded paper and said, "We just know that…life's too short to not go after what you really want. To sacrifice your happiness for the sake of doing the right thing, thinking it'll save your soul. It was so fucking stupid."

"What was?" Fin questioned, furrowing his brow.

Elliot sighed. "Staying with Kathy, because I felt obligated, because I had to. Looking back, I could have just as easily filed for divorce when I wanted to," he said. "I loved her, I mean. I do love her. I'm not in love with her anymore. I haven't been, not for a long time. I think it happened before the twins were born, to be honest." He sipped his water again and said, "My whole life, I was doing what everyone else expected me to do. Married her because it was the right thing, stayed with her because it was the right thing to do."

Fin screwed up his face at him. "You have four…"

"I do," Elliot interrupted. "I have four beautiful kids who were a product of a marriage that, at one time, was very happy. But that happiness…I have no idea where it went. Then I met someone who made me realize what I was missing in my life. Someone who showed me that it wasn't that I was incapable of loving anymore, it was just that I wasn't with the right woman anymore." He glanced at Olivia and said, "It took Munch's death, and a very bold move by this girl, to make me realize what I would be giving up, missing out on, if I didn't start living for myself instead of everyone else."

Olivia squeezed his hand. She knew, then, that he, too, had decided their moments were adding up to something. Something wonderful, and something that would last.

"There's no future," Elliot said. "That's what I'm telling myself now. Tomorrow isn't a guarantee. I'm living every day the way I want to live it, with the people I really want to be living it with, and for once I'm not afraid of what other people are gonna think. If Cragen finds out, if he fires me, he makes me transfer, I don't care." He brought his hand, clutching Olivia's, out from under the table and he said, "She's worth it. I'm fucking worth it. I've lived for too long being unhappy, and in one goddamned moment I decided not to do that anymore."

Fin stared at him.

Olivia sniffled and looked at him, shocked.

Then Fin laughed. "Damn," he said. "You're a deep mother fucker, Stabler."

Elliot chuckled and brought Olivia's hand up to his lips. He kissed her knuckles and said, "She brings out the philosopher in me."

Fin watched them for a moment. When the waitress came with their food he decided to tell them. "Ya know," he said, "Munch knew. We had a bet."

"Knew what?" Olivia said, poking at her scrambled eggs with her fork.

"That you two would eventually cave and go for it," Fin said. "Son of a bitch died before he could see this," he chuckled. "I get to keep my two-hundred bucks."

Olivia laughed, then looked at Elliot. "You know I want some of that," she said, looking down at his plate.

Elliot laughed and nodded. "Nice to know some things never change," he said, scooping some of her eggs into his plate and giving her a slice of his French toast.

"Like it or not, Stabler," Fin said, "Sooner or later, everything changes."

Elliot kissed Olivia quickly, closing his eyes as he did, trying to ignore Fin's words. "It doesn't have to," he said.

"Yeah," Fin said, chewing. "It does."

When they reached the mountain, Elliot would face the truth, that everything does change. They would have another life-changing moment, that would, indeed, change everything.

**A/N: What happens? What changes? And is the moment powerful enough to make Olivia make a huge decision? Find out. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. ~Zachary Scott**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters, but he certainly didn't create 'em like this. TStabler© did. Story and contents belong to her. Thanks.**

Back on the bike, with a full belly and a full heart, Elliot took in the view surrounding him, the view through his helmet and goggles, the view of his new world opening up, spreading out a freshly paved road before him. He felt free, reborn, and he mumbled a quick prayer and a thank you to God and John Munch for pulling whatever strings he'd pulled in his short time as an angel to give him what he'd always wanted.

He felt Olivia's arms squeeze him tighter and he chuckled. "You all right back there, babe?" he yelled.

"Amazing," she said back loudly. She, too, was realizing the world around her suddenly seemed brighter now that she was truly aware of it all. She leaned further into him, laughing when he popped the bike back on one wheel and sped up.

"Show off!" they heard Fin yell, causing more laughter. Fin sped up, then, too, and chuckled as he gave Elliot a playful finger as he passed them.

The race was on, and the first one to the mountain trail won. The prize, though, was nothing more than the satisfaction of winning and being the first to see the world from a higher plane. From a view Munch had always wanted, and now had.

Elliot, his competitiveness and arrogance shining like the morning sun, looked over his shoulder. "Hang on, honey," he yelled. He sped up and blew Fin a kiss, leaving him in the dust as he headed for the mountain ahead. He slowed to a stop on the side of the road, parking his bike at the entrance to the trail.

"Hey, hot shot," Fin said mockingly, parking his own bike. "Where'd you learn to ride?"

"I was a rebel in my youth," Elliot chuckled, taking off his helmet.

"Fuck, man, you're a rebel now, too," Fin pointed out. "Leavin' your wife for a hot, young, thang like Benson, takin' a day off work to walk up a fuckin' mountain, gettin' another tattoo. Pretty rebellious, man."

Elliot chuckled and nodded. "I guess I haven't changed that much," he said with a shrug. He held out his hand to Olivia, which she gladly took, and the trio began the walk up the path laid out in front of them.

It was a quiet climb, each person taking in the beauty of nature surrounding them and internalizing it, and making it to the top was a personal victory for them. They fell to the ground, laughing together, trying to catch their breath, and they became lost in their own thoughts for a moment.

Elliot felt younger, stronger, more of a man than he ever had, and he knew that it wasn't all because he'd climbed a mountain. He looked to his left and saw Olivia, looking out over the cliff, the whites of her eyes brighter than he ever remembered. She had a hand in his new vim and vigor.

Olivia was thinking, wondering how a world that looked so beautiful from the top of mountain could be so cold and evil down below. She sighed as she glanced at Elliot. She smiled as she saw him looking back at her. He made her life on the ground just as effervescent as it seemed to be from up here. He gave her hope, and love, and kept her safe and sane. He kept her alive, made her more alive than she ever was. She leaned over and kissed him softly, and sighed into his embrace as he wrapped her in his arms.

Fin looked out in the distance, thinking it wasn't that far after all, that appearances were deceiving, and the two people next to him were heading for their own horizon, living the way he knew he needed to. He took a breath and cleared his throat, and said, "I'm askin' her to marry me."

Elliot broke away from Olivia suddenly and snapped his head over toward Fin. "Really?" he asked.

Fin nodded. "We've been together for almost two years, man," he said. "She keeps hintin' and I keep stallin', waitin' until I'm sure I'm ready, but what the hell am I waitin' for? I love her, I wanna be with her, there's no fuckin' reason to wait. It ain't like I don't wanna be tied down, I mean, I'm not cheatin' on her now, I'm not gonna wanna do it when I marry her. It's that stupid male fear of losin' your freedom, but it ain't gonna change anything. It's just a party and a piece of paper, right?"

Elliot nodded, his own brow furrowing as he listened to Fin's words. "Right," he said.

"I'll be just as much in love with her if she's my wife, right? I'm gonna get a ring when we get back, and tonight, I'm askin,'' Fin declared.

Olivia smiled. "That's great, Fin," she said. "She's gonna cry. You know she's gonna cry."

Fin laughed. "Fuck, Baby-Girl, I'm so goddamn in love with her, I'm gonna cry," he said with a chuckle.

Elliot pulled Olivia closer, situating her between his legs, making her lean back against his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head and looked back out at the amazing view. "I love you," he said.

Olivia's eyes closed on their own and she said, "I love you, too," softly.

"Do I need to close my eyes?" Fin asked, teasing.

"No," Elliot laughed. "Unless watching us like this makes you uncomfortable, you don't. I told you, I don't care who knows. Hell, I wanna shout it from the top of this fucking mountain, that's how much I don't care who the fuck knows. Why hide it? It'd piss the both of us off, make us resent each other, I'm not living like that. Not again."

Fin nodded and smirked. "You don't make me uncomfortable," he said with a jerk of his head. "You're pissin' Munch off, though. Probably hates you both for not doin' this six months ago so he could die two hundred bucks richer," he said, slapping Elliot in the arm.

Elliot laughed. "Nah, man, Munch...he's happy about this, trust me," he said. "I finally took the man's advice."

"We both did," Fin said. "He's been tellin' me to ask Mel to marry me for the last year and a half." He took another deep breath and said, "I'm sorry I keep bringin' him up."

Olivia leaned further back into Elliot, unintentionally rubbing against him, and said, "We're here for him, because of him. We should be able to talk about him."

"We got into a huge fight once," Elliot said, running his fingers up and down Olivia's arms. "I almost broke his nose," he said sadly.

"What? Why?" Olivia asked, tilting her head back to meet his eyes.

Elliot kissed the end of her nose and said, "You. You were on a date, and Munch...he saw how irritated I was that you were out with another guy. He told me I had no right to complain, no right to be jealous, since I clearly wasn't making any kind of moves on you. Then he said something about you being hot, and brilliant, and I should prepare to watch you marry some schmuck who wasn't me."

Olivia softened her expression and tried to speak. "El, I..."

"I walked over to him, was about to hit him, but then he said..." he paused and sighed again, kissing her lips. "He said that the reason I was acting like an ass was because I was in love with you." He nuzzled her nose and said, "I knew he was right, Liv. I just...I had to ignore it. If I had just listened to him before..."

She pressed her lips to his, silencing him. "It doesn't matter," she whispered. "We're here, now, and that's all we need. That's what's important."

"Yeah," Fin chimed in. "And now you two can stop foggin' up the fuckin' squad room windows. All that heat between ya'll...you can just fuck it out now, no more yellin' or hittin' shit," he said, lightening the mood. He smiled at them as they laughed at him. "I'm happy for ya," he said with a happy nod and slow blink of his eyes.

"Thanks, man," Elliot said, smiling and nodding back. "Cragen won't be," he added with a shrug.

Fin smirked. "Thought you said it didn't matter."

Elliot sighed and looked down at Olivia. "It doesn't," he said. "I just don't know how we'll pay for a wedding if I get fired," he said, still looking into her eyes.

It grew silent, so quiet you could almost hear the earth turning. Olivia blinked once, something unreadable in her eyes.

"You two just got together," Fin said, stunned. "Back at the diner you said you wanted to take your time, live your life."

"Yeah, well," Elliot began. "Like you said, Fin, things change. Everything changes." He looked back down at Olivia and said, " I love her, I wanna be with her, there's no reason to wait."

Fin dropped his head and shook it, wondering why Elliot chose now to listen to him. If they rushed things, they'd eventually hate each other. He had to calm them down, and he opened his mouth to do so when he heard Elliot speak again.

"Hey," Elliot said. "Relax, Fin. I see you getting ready to jump down my throat. It'll be a while before we actually have a wedding."

"Long engagement?" Fin asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"Something like that," Elliot said, nodding with a smirk. He looked down at Olivia who still looked quite shocked and had said nothing. "What do you say, Liv? You wanna live in the moment with me for the rest of your life?"

Olivia blinked. She'd waited for this moment for a long time, and now that was here, happening so fast, she was unprepared, terrified, with no planning and no time to think. But, she thought, that's what living in the moment truly was. "Yes," she heard herself whisper, blinking away the threat of a tear that crept up on her.

Elliot smiled and kissed her, and he whispered, "Really?"

Olivia nodded and said, "I know it's probably stupid, and crazy, and neither one of us is..."

"How long have you been in love with me?" he asked, interrupting her. "This isn't fast, Liv. This has been going on for years. We had a better relationship than me and my wife after knowing each other for a month. This isn't crazy."

"Yes," Olivia said, laughing, "It is."

Elliot looked into her eyes. "Moments," he said. "No plans, no rules," he reminded her, bringing her back to the moment that started it all. "We live for us, and if this is what we want, then who's stopping us?"

The truth was, no one was stopping them. She let the rational part of her mind ask him one last question before giving him her final answer. "Are your kids gonna be..."

"They know," he whispered, catching Fin's eye. "They do know, don't look at me like that. I told them the night I told Kathy I wanted a divorce. Maureen hates me, Kathleen said she didn't care, Lizzie's upset but understands, and Dickie thinks I won the girlfriend lottery."

Fin laughed. "Yeah, that kid's always had a thing for you, Baby-Girl," he said with a big smile.

"As long as we won't be hurting them," Olivia said, reminding him of the only exception to their "screw everyone else" policy, "My answer's still yes."

Fin smiled as he watched them kiss, but sighed as he turned his attention back toward the clear, blue sky. He hated what he was going to do, but the promise he made to Cragen was impossible to keep now. "Just keep it outta work, guys," he said. He looked at them, looking at their faces, and said, "Cragen saw you, on the roof."

"He didn't say..."

"No, he didn't," Fin said. "And he won't, because he thinks you were just comfortin' each other. He thinks it's temporary, until you get over Munch's death. I told him I would tell him if anythin' happened with you today, but...I can't tell him. Not now. So just...keep it professional around the house."

Elliot blinked, nodded a thank you, and kissed Olivia. They would make the most of every moment, at work or not. Elliot was going to make sure of that.

**A/N: Tattoos? Do they all go through with it or does someone chicken out? And getting back to work brings a few heartbreaking surprises, and one unexpected moment. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: "Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by day, in all the thousand small, uncaring ways." - Stephen Vincent Benet**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns the characters. That's pretty much it. Everything else written before you is pure TStabler© **

"Son of a bitch," Olivia hissed, her eyes squeezed shut and her hand clutching Elliot's tightly. "If I ever complain about getting shot again, remind me of this moment," she said, grimacing.

Elliot chuckled. "Five more minutes, then it's just gonna be numb, and tomorrow you'll wake up wanting another one. Fucking things are addicting," he said.

"Looks like it's gonna look hot, Baby-Girl," Fin said, peering over the artist's shoulder and admiring his work. The black and gray handcuffs stared back at him, almost winking as they clasped around the two badges the tattooist was etching into Olivia's left hip. "Shit. I can read the fuckin' numbers. The detail is insane," he said, raising an eyebrow.

Olivia grunted and squeezed Elliot's hand again. "So's the pain," she said. "Why am I doing this and you're not, Fin?"

Fin laughed. "You've always been more of a badass than me," he said.

"You pick out what you want, dude?" the man with the inking gun asked, glancing up at Elliot.

Elliot rubbed soothing circles on Olivia's toned stomach as he nodded. "Same thing," he said. "Different place," he told him, kissing Olivia's cheek. "Breathe baby," he whispered.

She responded by taking a breath and exhaling slowly, and as the air left her lungs, the pain left her body. In its place was a low throb, a numbness. She smirked and said, "You always did know how to make the pain stop."

Fin moved back as he saw the artist lowering Olivia's jeans. "I should, uh, go…wait out there. And I got somethin' I gotta do."

Elliot looked up, smiled and nodded at Fin's act of respect, knowing where he was going, and then looked back at Olivia as the door closed. "You sure that's where you wanted it?" he asked.

"Too late now," Olivia said with a chuckle. "Besides, this way I know you're the only one who will ever see the whole thing. Unless I'm wearing a string bikini or something…"

"Which is an amazing image," Elliot said with a smirk. He kissed her, tracing her lips with his tongue, making her moan. He knew the vibrations from the tattoo gun, especially where they were, would be more pleasurable than painful if he got her thinking about sex. He moved his hand over her stomach again, his fingertips lightly grazing her tight muscles as they contracted in reaction to the needle's invasion. He deepened the kiss, then, invading her mouth with his tongue, savoring the taste of her and massaging every crevice as they shared soft moaning noises.

The tattoo artist tried to concentrate on his work, but with her body, his current proximity to her sex, the noises that were beginning to fill up the room, it was proving to be difficult.

Olivia lifted an arm and cupped the side of Elliot's face with her hand, careful not to move her lower body, not wanting to risk ruining the artwork being permanently drawn on her skin. She pulled away from him slowly, feeling the needle slowing down. She turned her head and looked down, and she smiled. "That's incredible," she whispered.

"That's hot," Elliot said, his voice low and dripping with lust. "And it's us," he said to her, running his hand close to it, but not touching it. He could clearly read the numbers on the cuffed badges, hers and his, and he grinned.

The artist cleared his throat. "Uh, keep it covered, dry, and this needs to be rubbed on it once a day," he said, handing her a bottle of clear ointment. "You, uh, you're one hot cop, lady."

Olivia smirked, winked at him, and sat up, getting off the table with Elliot's help. "Thanks," she said. Elliot took her place and pulled off his shirt. She had to make a conscious effort not to moan or drool.

Elliot slapped the lower half of his left side, smirking, and said, "Take two."

"Look, man," the tattooist said, changing the needle on his gun, "I know ya got your fair share of ink, but on your ribs, it's gonna…."

"I've been shot, stabbed, and hit by car," Elliot said. "I can handle this." He leaned back on the table, and as the artist ran the razor over his side he looked toward Olivia, and crooked a finger at her.

She smirked and responded to his beckoning, leaning over to him despite the ache on her hip. She pecked his lips once and whispered a soft, "I love you," as the tattooist placed the stencil on Elliot's skin.

Elliot grabbed the back of her neck and said, "I love you, too, baby," ignoring the flash of fear he was feeling when the paper was peeled off of his skin.

Olivia nuzzled his nose and kissed him, mimicking his earlier action of running her tongue along his lips. She heard the buzzing of the gun, and she knew her kiss would do for him what his had done for her.

* * *

"That took long enough," Fin quipped, watching his two friends come out of the room. "I, uh, walked down to the jewelry store on Eighth while you were in there."

Olivia's eyes lit up and she smiled. "Can I see it?" she asked, biting her lip.

Fin chuckled and pulled the blue, velvet box out of his pocket. "Think she'll like it?" he asked, flipping the top up.

"Wow," Elliot said, nodding. "Yeah. Man, she's gonna love it. You got help picking that out, didn't you?" he asked, teasing.

Fin narrowed his eyes. "Picked it out myself, thank you very much," he griped. He snapped the lid shit and put the ring in his pocket. The three of them laughed as they walked out of the tattoo parlor and down the street where they parked their bikes.

"So you're really asking, then?" Elliot questioned, handing Olivia her helmet.

Fin nodded and smiled. "I am," he said. "I want this. I want her," he said with a shrug. He put on his helmet and hopped on his bike, then nodded. "Wish me luck," he said.

"You don't need it," Olivia said, smiling at him as she put her own helmet on.

Fin waved as he took off. Elliot and Olivia got on their bike, speeding off in the other direction and heading back to the apartment they now shared. Physically and emotionally drained, they padded into the building, plodded up the stairs, and wearily walked through their door with nothing but audible yawns passing between them.

They shared a shower, keeping their fresh ink taped up, and they helped each other apply the needed ointment and recover their body art before slipping into bed, and around each other, hoping the morning would bring with it a new series of moments for them.

* * *

They walked into the squad room, both slightly grimacing in pain as they moved, and stopped dead in their tracks. "Who are you?" Elliot asked, pointing to the man sitting in Munch's desk.

Cragen sighed, standing by the coffee pot. "Elliot, I couldn't keep his desk empty forever," he said. "Mike Sandoval," he said, pointing to the young cop. "Transferred in from Narcotics. Fin's worked with him before so I…"

"Right," Elliot interrupted, sighing. "Sorry for the less than warm welcome. It was just a, uh, a shock."

"No offense taken," Mike said, nodding. "Hi, Olivia," he said, waving and attempting a smile.

Olivia took a deep breath, nodded at him, and said, "Mike, nice to see you."

Elliot looked at her, and something clicked. He furrowed his brow and walked closer to her, lowering his voice. "Michael," he said. "Three years ago, before Dean, you were dating a guy named Michael, this is…holy shit," he said softly to her.

"Calm down," she said quietly. "If I had anything more than a passing interest in him, I would still be with him. He never had a chance, El, I was already in love with…" she stopped herself, knowing Cragen was within earshot, and said, "Someone else."

Elliot blinked, then he smiled. "I know you were, and are, I just…this isn't a coincidence," he said.

"No," Cragen said, loudly. "It's not. I got Mike's transfer papers, I knew he had already worked a case with us, and he worked it closely with Fin. I knew he knew Olivia outside of work. I thought it would be easier on us all if we had someone we all knew come in, instead of someone we'd all instantly write off because it wasn't John. Was I right?"

Fin nodded and got to work on his computer, running a search of some kind. Elliot watched Cragen sipping his coffee, for the first time in years he didn't make a face afterward, and he closed his eyes. He suddenly missed Munch's coffee very much. "Sorry," he said.

"Get to work," Cragen hissed at him, ignoring the apology. "Here," he said, tossing a pink slip of paper at him. "Mike, come with me," he barked. He walked into his office, followed by Mike Sandoval, and slammed the door, clearly not any happier about replacing Munch than his squad.

Elliot walked over to the coffee pot to get two take-away cups for himself and Olivia, and he heard her gasp. He smirked and turned around slowly, knowing what she had found. He put the lids on the cups quickly and walked over to her desk, seeing the look on her face and the box in her hands.

"What the hell is this?" she asked, looking up at Elliot, who seemed to materialize in front of her since she hadn't been paying attention to his movements.

"A necklace," Elliot said, putting the coffee down. "Do you like it?"

She nodded and blinked once. "It's beautiful, El, but how…when…"

He interrupted her. "I asked Fin to pick it up last night. When he left us in the room, I knew where he was going, Liv. That's why he left." He lifted the necklace and unhooked it, then put it on Olivia. As he clasped it, he said, "I could have easily told him to get you a ring, but I didn't trust him to pick it out."

"She said yes, asshole," Fin snapped, hearing that wisecrack. "And she cried, so fuck off." He laughed and winked as Elliot and Olivia turned to look at him with chuckles of their own.

Elliot looked back at her, tilted his head, and said, "Until I can pick out the ring myself, which might take a while, I wanted you to have something to tell you I was serious yesterday. Every moment, no matter what that moment holds, I want to share with you."

Olivia cleared her throat, refusing to cry, and sniffled as she wiped her eyes. "Well, the next few moments are being spent at Mercy General," she laughed.

"Liv," Elliot said, grabbing her arm, "I told you, baby, I'm not hiding this. Not deliberately. I'm not gonna kiss you or anything like that, not here, but if he asks, I'm not denying it."

She swallowed and took a breath, and she smiled at him. "Okay," she said, nodding. She picked up their coffees, handed him his, and turned to Fin. On her way out the squad room doors she said, "Congratulations, Fin."

"Same to you, Baby-Girl," Fin said with a wink. He watched them leave, then let out a hard breath. He knew why Cragen hired Mike. He knew why Cragen was being so bitter. He knew he had to keep his friends out of trouble and his new partner away from Olivia, and he knew he could.

For the moment.

**A/N: Uh-oh! An interesting moment between Mike and Elliot, a moment between Mike and Olivia, and a moment or two between Olivia and Elliot. Next. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: "With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns the characters. That's pretty much it. Everything else written before you is pure TStabler©**

"Why did Cragen send you down here with me?" Elliot asked, annoyed that the person to his left in the morgue wasn't Olivia, but Michael.

Mike shrugged. "After you two got back, he said Olivia had to go interview another live victim, and she could handle it on her own. Look, I'm not taking her place, she's still your..."

"Damn right, she's mine," Elliot said, snapping and turning suddenly. "You try to change that, in any way, and I will..."

"Hold on, Stabler," Mike said, narrowing his own eyes and hissing. "I'm not here for Benson. I'm here because you were down a guy and I wanted in. This unit does more with less resources, and I wanna be a part of it." He folded his arms. "It has nothing to do with what happened between me and Olivia, years ago."

Elliot took a breath and nodded. "Sorry," he grumbled.

"I get it," Mike said. "You're still on edge, you miss your friend, and you hated me since the moment we met." He smirked and said, "I'm not gonna make a move on her, Stabler. We work together now. I know her policy on dating people she works with."

It was Elliot's turn to smirk. "Do you?" he asked, chuckling softly. "Good. Stay the hell away from her." He turned to head into Warner's office.

"Of course," Mike said, stopping Elliot in his tracks, "If she makes a move on me, I'm certainly not gonna turn her down."

Elliot turned to him again and shook his head slowly. "She won't," he said declaratively, and turned, this time walking in on the medical examiner.

* * *

"What'd you find out?" Fin asked, rising to his feet as Olivia walked back into the squad room.

"Aside from her not remembering anything since Elliot and I interviewed her yesterday?" she asked snippily. She threw her jacket off as she walked toward the coffee pot. "Oh, look at that," she said, lifting the pot. "Empty. Now that people can drink it no one knows how to fucking make it."

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked from his desk, taking her jacket off of his head, where it landed.

"No," she spat, pouring grinds into a filter and turning on the pot.

Elliot narrowed his eyes and stood up, walked over to her, and stilled her hands as she tried to get the lid on the coffee grinds. "What happened?" he asked.

"Nothing," she snapped. "Can't a person just be in a bad mood?" she asked bitterly, storing away.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him, and lowered his voice. "If you think Cragen's making us switch partners, you're wrong. The vic in the morgue was a suspect in one of Sandoval's old drug trafficking cases. Fin stayed here, you took the live one at Mercy. It's the job, Liv."

She blinked and looked up, into his eyes. "That's not what...I know Cragen would never...I mean, not unless..."

"Then what's eating you?" he asked. He looked up, then looked around. "Come with me," he said, pulling her by the hand out into the hall. He led her, as he was one to do, up the stairs to the roof. He pulled her close once they reached the edge, and he kissed her forehead. "What happened?" he asked softly.

She shook her head, trying not to cry. "I had another panic attack. I thought they were gone, I thought...God, what the hell is wrong with me?"

"Nothing," he said, rubbing circles on her back. "What happened when you started..."

"I was waiting for the nurse to get back to me with the tox screen and the psych eval, and I was just sitting on the chair...I closed my eyes for a second, just a moment, and I heard the beeping...someone coded in a room down the hall and they couldn't...El, I don't know why but I thought it was you. I ran in there like a crazy person, screaming about being the guy's partner, and when the doctor ushered me out of the room, I..."

"Liv," he whispered softly, dragging her lips over her forehead, "Baby, you're still trying to deal with Munch. We all are. You were half asleep, you hate hospitals, and you were there by yourself. You were probably caught somewhere between the beginnings of a nightmare and what was really happening."

She nodded. "Exactly what I was thinking," she said with a light laugh. She looked up at him, then, and asked, "What's really happening here?"

"We...are...," he said, slowly, trying to find the words, "Living. We're living, baby." He kissed her and rocked her in his arms, hoping to comfort the small twinge of fear she still had, and was masking by anger. "Oh, uh, Sandoval thinks you're gonna hit on him."

"Sandoval has taken too many shots to the head," she mumbled into his chest, holding him closer. "That's not happening," she said a bit quieter.

"I know it's not, baby," he told her. He pushed her back for a moment, cupped her face, and smiled. "I love you," he told her, pulling her face gently toward his and giving her a tender kiss.

"I love you, too," she said, finally relaxing and giving him a smile. "Why did Dickie call me, asking where your red tie was?"

Elliot laughed, finding it funny that she changed the subject so quickly to something so silly. "He needs it," he shrugged. "I told him you put all my ties away, and since you lay out my clothes in the morning, I don't know where they are."

"No, El, I mean why did he call me from the apart...you got 'em," she said, with a smile of realization.

He kissed her and smirked against her lips. "Only for the week," he said, pulling away, "But yeah. Every other week and most holidays, until the judge can look over more details of the case."

She smiled and kissed him, wrapping her arms around him. The sheer joy she felt for him, after knowing how worried he was, was infinite.

He felt something snap, some shred of self control he'd been holding onto all day fell from his grasp, and he growled lightly, deepening the kiss.

She gasped slightly when Elliot pushed her against the short wall of the ledge, and she moaned, sounding slightly panicked, when his knee roughly nudged its way between her legs, pushing them open.

He moved one hand around to the front of her body, still kissing her as he slid his hand down and stroked her through her brown pants. He moved his other hand quickly and worked it up her purple shirt, cupping her left breast and thumbing over her nipple, drawing it out and making it bead. "Liv," he whispered, the name that had been on his lips and in his mind for every sexual encounter for the last few years, one of the reasons he was now divorced.

She sucked in a harsh breath, trying to protest. This couldn't happen at work, not again, but as he worked his hand into the waistband of her pant, she gave into him and unbuckled his belt, slid down his blue suit pants, and waited for his next move.

He made it, shoving her pants around her hips, slipping her panties aside, and pushing into her with a soft grunt. "Don't have much time," he whispered, thrusting fast and hard.

She wrapped her legs around him, moaned his name, and leaned back into his strong arms. They didn't need a lot of time, they only needed a moment.

* * *

"Where the hell were the two of you?" Cragen barked, narrowing his eyes as Elliot and Olivia walked back into the bullpen.

"Had to talk to her," Elliot barked back, feeling no need to be civil if the captain wasn't going to be.

Cragen scoffed. "Take Fin down to holding, Frederiks from the Two-Nine brought in a guy that matches the description your vic gave at..."

"I'm taking Liv," Elliot interrupted.

Cragen raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, who died and made you Captain, Stabler?"

"The same guy that died and made you an asshole," he hissed back. "John. We miss him, we all miss him, but you have been walking around here acting almost as dead as he is!"

"Elliot!" Olivia yelled, horrified.

"Sorry, Liv, but it's true!" Elliot yelled to her. "At a time where he should know we need each other the most, he's doing his damnedest to keep us apart! He even hired your ex-boyfriend, hoping you'd go to him for the comfort he's afraid you're getting from me!" He looked at Cragen, who looked shocked. "Isn't that right, Cap?"

Cragen blinked, his mouth opened and closed, and he looked at Fin, glaring.

"Hey, I didn't say anythin' to him," Fin defended, "He's a fuckin' detective. And you ain't exactly tryin' to hide the fact you don't want them alone together."

Cragen reddened. He turned sharply to Elliot and said, "You and Fin, go get the prick from the cage. Benson, Sandoval, Warner's got something."

Mike looked at him and said, "Cap, Elliot and I just got back from..."

"Go!" the captain yelled. He stormed back into his office and slammed the door.

Olivia looked at Elliot, her euphoria floating away, back up to the roof from which it had come, and she shook her head. "He's not splitting us up, right, El?" she asked with a hiss, booming out of the room.

Sandoval ran, catching up to her, and said, "Hey! Hey, Benson!"

She punched the call button for the elevator and spat without looking, "We can do this without talking."

"It'll be kind of hard, won't it?" Sandoval asked, stepping into the lift after her.

She looked at him with narrow eyes, said nothing, and looked back at the closing, metal doors.

"Okay, I know you aren't thrilled that I'm here," Mike said. "But I swear, I'm not gonna pull anything. Cragen just...he's going through a lot, and he wanted me to give you a shoulder if you needed one."

"I have one," she said, her jaw clenched. "I have two actually. Strong ones."

"So it's true?" Mike asked, tilting his head. "You and Stabler?" he questioned.

She shrugged. "Maybe it is, maybe it isn't," she said as they walked off the elevator and into the lobby, "It's not any of your business either way. And it shouldn't be any of Cragen's if we can do our damned jobs without..."

"He doesn't think you can," Sandoval interrupted.

Olivia turned, finally looking at him. "Really?" she asked. Her eyes gleamed with something between pain and anger, feeling somehow betrayed by the man who had, until now, been like a father to her. "Guess I gotta prove him wrong," she said, pulling out her cell phone. She sent a text to Elliot, and he answered her in person when he stepped off of the other elevator.

"I'm good with that," Elliot said to her. He turned to Fin and said, "Me and Liv are going down to holding. Take Sandoval, you two go see Warner."

Mike shook his head and blinked. "But Cragen said..."

"Cragen needs a wake up call," Elliot interrupted.

Fin chuckled. "Man, do you know what he's gonna do to you?"

Elliot smirked. "If we worried about consequences, we wouldn't do much of anything would we?" he asked in return

Mike watched Elliot leave with Olivia and head down the hall, and he looked at Fin and shrugged. As they walked, though, he sent a text of his own to someone who was not going to be happy, but who was not going to be surprised either.

**A/N: Who does Sandoval text? What does Cragen do when he sees the wrong two detectives in the interrogation room? And another magic moment between Olivia, Elliot, and one of the kids. Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: "There are moments in life where the world goes away, nothing exists but you and the person with whom you are sharing that moment. That's how you know you're in love."**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns the characters. That's pretty much it. Everything else written before you is pure TStabler©**

"Fin!" Cragen yelled, coming out of the pit, obviously angry. "What the hell are Benson and Stabler doing in that interrogation room?"

"Probably gettin' a confession," Fin mumbled.

"What was that?" Cragen yelled.

Fin sighed and leaned back in his chair as he turned to look at Cragen. "You know they're better at that than me and Mike would be, Cap. They took the hard end of the case. Why is it such a big…"

Cragen interrupted him. "You had a job to do," he said, pointing. "You all had assignments. If Mike hadn't warned me about this, I'd be more pissed off than I am right now."

"Wait, what?" Fin asked, irritated, snapping his head toward Mike. "You little piss ant. You're squealin' on 'em now? That it?"

"He had a right to know that the plans changed, Fin," Mike said with a shrug. "What if he went looking for us, or needed…"

"Cell phone," Fin barked. "Damn, man! You can't just let them do their jobs? Either of you?" he asked, his head craning back to look at Cragen again. "What's really the problem here, Cap? Why are you tryin' to keep 'em apart?"

Cragen took a breath and said, "You know why."

"Yeah," Fin nodded, "And I know that doin' this won't stop 'em. It'll only make it worse, and make 'em quit. That what you want?"

Cragen's eyes closed, he tensed up, and his voice softened. "No," he said. "I don't want him to hurt her, either. I don't want either of them to get hurt, because if this is just…"

"It's not," Fin said just as softly. "Trust me, okay? It's not. Let 'em do their jobs. Let 'em do what they need to do, Cap. Here, home, whatever. They need to be together right now, and you're only makin' it…"

"I know," Cragen said, sighing as he folded his arms. "I know." He turned to head back into the pit, but was stopped by Olivia. "Benson," he said, unsure of how much he'd heard.

Olivia couldn't even look at him. She moved her gaze to Fin and said, "He talked. Elliot's in there now, getting him to write it all down. Son of a bitch was…eighteen girls in nine states, and no one caught him?" she asked, looking back at Cragen with hard eyes.

Cragen's own eyes narrowed. "What?" he asked.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah," she said. "According to his confession." She chuckled and looked up and said, "God, I would love to hear what Munch would have thought about this."

Fin smirked. "He would have said it took the best to get him," he said, nodding at her. "You and Stabler, Baby-Girl. You got him," he told her, sending a meaningful look at Cragen, then.

Cragen shook his head at Fin, letting him know he made his point, and walked into the pit to meet Alex, get Elliot out of the room, and look over the written confession.

* * *

"You heard him say that?" Elliot asked, sitting on the couch with Olivia in his arms. He looked over the top of the sofa, into the kitchen, and saw his kids doing their homework. He had them for the weekend, and he felt a compulsive need to check on them every fifteen minutes.

Olivia leaned into his embrace and nodded. "He said he thought this was just gonna go away once we got over Munch's death," she whispered, her eyes sliding shut. "He thought we'd end up hurting each other."

Elliot smirked. "Did you see his face when he saw me kiss you before we left?" he asked, kissing her temple.

She nodded. "He looked confused," she said. "I don't know what to do about this, El. I mean part of me's pissed off and wants to rub his nose in it, prove him wrong, but part of me…"

"Don't tell me you think he's right," Elliot said, a hint of fear and annoyance in his voice.

"No, can you let me finish?" she asked with a smirk. "Part of me feels sorry for him. I can see why he would think that, I mean, this all happened so fast. Your kids aren't exactly thrilled about this either."

Elliot shrugged and kissed her forehead. "They're just confused right now, baby. This happened fast, but the build-up…God, this has been brewing for years and everyone knew it." He kissed the top of her head again and looked over at his kids, smirking as he watched them all writing diligently. He looked back at Olivia and said, "They're not upset about this, it's just gonna take some getting used to." He kissed her cheek and whispered, "It kind of came out of nowhere, if you think about it."

She chuckled. "My fault," she said. "I was impulsive and desperate."

He laughed, too, and said, "Thank God you were." He ran his hand over her hip, teasing at the waistband of her sweatpants. "We both were. Still are." He traced the pad of his index finger over the still-sore tattoo and whispered, "You have me under your skin. For life, Liv."

"With or without the tattoo," she said softly, "You would be under my skin, El." She turned over and placed a soft kiss to his lips. "For the rest of my life," she added with another kiss.

"Oh, gimme a break," they heard a voice moan from in front of them.

They broke apart, and both heads turned to look up at Maureen, Elliot's oldest daughter, who was standing in front of the couch with her arms folded. "Hey, sweetie," Elliot said, sitting up, but keeping Olivia close.

"Whatever," Maureen said, rolling her eyes again. "Can one of you tell me what this means?" she asked, holding out her workbook.

Elliot took it, read it, and said, "Honey, this is in French." He handed it back to her with a shrug.

Olivia took it, though, and read it. "What class is this for, Mo?" she asked, flipping through pages.

"Linguistics," Maureen said. "We didn't even learn French. We're supposed to use our knowledge of Latin roots to figure it out, but I'm completely lost."

Olivia chuckled. "It's basically the story of Adam and Eve," she said, giving the book back to the teenager. "The end is a little more, uh, French than it is biblical, though."

"What does that mean?" Maureen asked, raising an eyebrow.

Olivia glanced at Elliot with a smirk, then looked back at the girl. "In this version, Adam and Eve start to think about the consequences of their actions in terms of their lives in Eden, not in Heaven. They're more concerned with here and now than…"

"What's gonna happen later," Maureen finished, understanding. "I get it." She looked at the workbook and scribbled something in the margins. "Duh, it was all right here. I just needed to look at the words, not the story as a whole. Thanks, Liv."

"Anytime, sweetie," Olivia said, smiling.

"And, for the record, I'm not mad at you," Maureen said, sighing. "It'll take some getting used to, but we all knew this was gonna happen eventually. Especially since it's all he and Mom would fight about."

Elliot cleared his throat and said, "Okay, go finish your homework."

Maureen rolled her eyes as she walked back to the kitchen table, and Olivia looked up at Elliot. "So I guess we're the French Adam and Eve," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Living in the moment, only worrying about here, now."

"Sounds like us," he said, smirking. "I didn't even know you spoke French that fluently," he told her. "You're just full of surprises."

"I am," she said with a smirk, kissing him.

As he wrapped one arm around her neck, deepening the kiss, he slipped the other hand into his pocket. It wasn't in a box, and it wasn't large, but it was simple, elegant, and perfectly Olivia. He pulled away from her, held it out in front of her, and said, "So am I."

**A/N: I know. Cliffhanger. Did you expect anything less? What does she do? Technically, he already asked, but what happens when Cragen finds out? And what happens when Mike makes a move he swore he would make? A moment no one will ever forget. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: "Sometimes all it takes is a moment to change a life. Other moments change the world."**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns the characters. That's pretty much it. Everything else written before you is pure TStabler©**

Olivia looked at him, then looked down again. "What is..."

"I told you I would get one, when I could," he whispered to her. "So what do ya say?" he asked, smirking. "Live in the moment. Marry me."

She blinked. She thought for sure he would back out, think things through. She thought for a moment, seeing something flicker in his eyes, and she knew that look. Confidence. He wasn't afraid she'd say no, or that she'd run. He took her first answer as a real one, and he knew now that she wasn't going anywhere. She put her hand, palm down, on his knee and she tried to answer him without saying anything.

He slid the ring over her knuckle, then linked his fingers with hers. "It's not very..."

"It's perfect," she whispered. She kissed him, being careful not to let it heat up the way it always did with them. She turned, looking over the back of the couch toward the table. "Are they gonna..."

"They're gonna have to," he interrupted. He pulled her close for another kiss, then moved her a bit so her head rested on his chest. "I talked to them before dinner. Lizzie and Dickie...they wanna stay with me."

She looked up at him, surprised. "That's great," she said. "Kathy said she was gonna let them decide, right? This weekend thing was temporary until you figured it out."

"We did. Kathleen and Maureen are still gonna live with her," he said shaking his head. "I'll see them on weekends. I thought they would, ya know, they're older, they're her girls. I'm closer to the twins, and they love you, so they wanna be here."

She smiled again. "And you were worried about them hating you," she said. She kissed his chin, then his neck. She heard him give her a soft moan as she pecked at his skin softly, and took his mind off of divorce and custody battles, making him think much happier thoughts.

* * *

Olivia woke up first, blinking quickly and letting her eyes dart around the room. She mumbled as she sat up, sliding the blanket off of her. "El," she said, shaking him. "Elliot, get up."

"Morning, Liv," Kathleen said dryly, walking through the living room.

Lizzie chuckled as her father rolled his neck and looked around. "You guys feel asleep on the couch. You were so cute we didn't want to wake you."

"Dickie set the alarm out here so you wouldn't be late for work," Kathleen griped. "It woke up the rest of us to, so have fun at work. I'm going back to sleep."

"Thanks," Elliot said, standing. He kissed Lizzie on the forehead, then gave Olivia a look, jutting his head toward the bedroom. They dressed quickly and headed out, eager to get to work, eager to prove to Cragen that they weren't going to let their intense romance screw up their cases.

They parked, and Elliot looked at her. "You gonna keep that on?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as he nodded at her hand.

"You said you weren't gonna hide this," she told him. "Why should I?" She opened the door, got out of the car, and walked toward the building. "Besides," she said when Elliot strode up next to her, "If Cragen says anything, I'll just tell him exactly how and where this relationship was, uh, consummated."

He laughed, throwing his head back. "Holy shit, he'd have an aneurysm." He looked at her and his eyes widened. "We really fucked on his desk," he said, as if he couldn't believe it, as if he didn't relive that moment every night in his dreams.

"We certainly did," she said, opening the door and chuckling. "I'm still finding staples and paperclips in the pockets of those pants."

He laughed again, stepping into the elevator. The ride up was spent with the pair varying between hysterical laughter and silence, remembering how impulsive and aggressive that first night had been, and how it just kept growing in intensity.

The doors opened and they walked onto their floor, greeting people in the hall as they made their way into the squad room. Fin waved with a smile as he saw them take their seats, but Mike shook his head.

The newest member of the team got up, walked over to her, and looked her dead in the eyes. He leaned onto her desk and crossed his arms. "Hey, Benson," he said, giving her a smirk.

"You're sitting on my keyboard," she snarked, folding her arms.

"You, me, dinner at Fiorello's, maybe you wear that little red dress with the neckline that..."

"No," her reply came, swift and firm. "Can you get your ass of my shift key? You just rebooted the entire system."

Sandoval looked at her and scoffed. "Just like that? No?"

"I'm really not in the mood this morning," she said, her eyes narrow. "Get off of my desk."

"Listen to her," Elliot said, handing her a cup of coffee. "She slept curled up in a ball on a very uncomfortable couch, so she's got a shorter temper than usual today."

Olivia sipped the coffee, looked into the cup, then put it down on her desk. "It's not the same," she said, looking over at Elliot.

He shook his head and said, "No, Liv," looking into his own cup. "So what are you talking about?"

Olivia smirked, folded her arms again, and said, "Mike just asked me out to dinner."

He looked at her and tilted his head. "But he knows we're..."

"Yeah," she said.

Elliot looked at Mike. "You said you wouldn't. Are you trying to piss me off today, or was this just an acc..."

"I changed my mind," Mike interrupted, glaring at him. "You got some competition, Stabler. What are you gonna do about it?"

Elliot chuckled. "Competition," he laughed. "You? Uh, yeah, right." He sipped his surprisingly good coffee again and he said, "You're not a very good detective if you've been staring at her for that long and haven't noticed that rock on her finger."

Mike turned back to Olivia, looked at her hands, resting on her arms, and his eyes widened. "Oh, shit. You...you didn't. You aren't."

"He did," Olivia said, nodding.

"We are," Elliot said, smirking. "You ever hit on her again, you'll be pulling your teeth out of the brick wall behind you," he threatened. "Get up."

Mike looked at him, then back to her. "Yeah," he mumbled, getting up. "Right. Uh, congratulations, I guess." He took a few steps back, turned, heading for Cragen's office.

Fin sighed, shaking his head. "Guys, Sandoval has been telling Cragen everything that goes on with you two. He's a little piss-ant."

"I know," Elliot said, sitting down. "Why do you think I told him?" He smirked and finished his coffee. "Cragen has to find out sooner or later, right?"

Fin laughed and shook his head, turning just in time for the office door to open. "Oh, here we go," he moaned, rolling his eyes as he heard the footsteps.

"Benson," Cragen said, narrowing his eyes, scanning her for the ring. He saw it and his face fell. "I guess all I can say is...congratulations," he said, nodding. "Stabler, this is yours now."

Elliot looked up at Cragen, confused, and took the brown envelope out of his hands. "What's this?"

"Open it," Cragen said. "Think of it as an apology." He folded his arms.

Elliot flipped open the envelope and pulled out an official looking document. "Cap, are you...is this..."

"Lieutenant," Cragen said, nodding.

Elliot shook his head. "But Munch was..."

"He's gone. Someone needs to have the credentials," Cragen interrupted. "I had to choose. You were my choice. It's a pay raise, but other than that nothing changes." He looked at Elliot, answering his unasked question. "She's still your partner."

Elliot watched as Cragen walked away, wondering when the actual consequences he knew were coming were going to hit. He looked down at the papers in his hands and felt unreasonably guilty. "He's really been replaced now," he said, tossing the packet into his desk. "By me."

"El, don't do that," Olivia sighed. "You deserve this. You worked for it, and Cragen obviously trusts you enough to think you can handle things if he ever has to leave or..."

"Or if you get him suspended again," Sandoval broke in. "Which he's pretty sure you're gonna do if you go through with this impulsive wed..."

"Finish that sentence and I'll hit ya before Stabler kills ya," Fin said. "Fast, yeah. Impulsive? Maybe. But they're happy, and they need to be happy right now."

Elliot let out a single laugh and looked at Olivia. "We do," he said. He looked at Fin and said, "We all do."

Cragen came back out of his office, his face somber. Serious. "Happiness is gonna have to wait," he said, handing Fin a pink paper. "Mercy General," he said. "The vic's unconscious, but they'll do a rape kit anyway, and you need to take pictures of the physical..."

"Are you still not letting us work because of this?" Olivia asked, annoyed, holding up her left hand.

Cragen looked at her, snapping, "No! This time it's a conflict of interest, Benson! Both of you are too close to the vic. You're not allowed to interview her, and Stabler isn't even allowed to read the paperwork!"

"What?" Elliot asked, angry and confused. "Why? Who the hell is it?"

Cragen's eyes went to his and he said, in a cold and flat manner, "Kathy."

Elliot froze. He didn't know what he was feeling, every emotion hit him at once. He fell back into his chair and blinked once, looking over at Olivia. He felt guilty, sad, angry, and petrified all at once, unsure of what feeling was stronger. When he watched Fin and Mike leave the room, and looked down at the papers staring up at him from his desk, he knew. It was definitely guilt. "Liv?"

"I'm right here," she said, walking over to him, squeezing his shoulders.

He reached up and covered her right hand with his left, looking at her over his shoulder. He loved her so much, and needed her now. He pulled her down and held her close, he didn't care that Cragen was right there.

Cragen cared, however, and he looked at the ring sparkling on Olivia's left hand again. He shook his head as he walked back into his office, praying that nothing else would go wrong.

He would learn, quickly, that prayers were often left unanswered.

**A/N: Uh-oh! Who hurt Kathy? How will Maureen and Kathleen handle being stuck with their father and Olivia until she gets out of the hospital? And what else goes wrong, leaving them stuck? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Just another moment. Another life-changing moment.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns the characters. That's pretty much it. Everything else written before you is pure TStabler©**

The ride to the hospital was painfully quiet, Olivia didn't know what to say and Elliot couldn't say anything. The kids were in shock in the back rows of seats, filling the SUV with tension. They parked and walked toward the entrance, for the first time in a long time as visitors rather than detectives.

She stopped in the waiting room, letting him go to the nurse's station. He came back toward her a few minutes later. "Room two-oh-eight," he said, taking her hand.

She pulled her hand out of his. "You go," she said. "I have no right being there, El. You know that. Just...go. Be with your kids and your...Kathy."

He titled his head. "Liv, she's over it, okay?" He reached for her hand again. "Come with..."

"I can't," she said, not meeting his eyes. She Kissed each of the children on their cheeks, then gave him a gentle kiss on his lips. "She needs you and the kids, El. Just go."

Elliot blinked once. Then he sighed and looked at his kids. "Come on guys," he said, leading them toward the elevator. He looked back over his shoulder a few times, and he looked hurt.

She was thankful the doors to elevator closed when they did. She didn't want to see the look on his face when she left. She sighed and walked back through the doors, and she thought it was eerily fitting that it had started to rain.

She waited for a moment, letting the water pour down on her for just a moment, as she raised her hand to hail a taxi. The cab ride back to the apartment passed by slowly. She kept twirling her ring around her finger, wondering when he would ask for it back, feeling certain he would.

She felt guilty. So horribly guilty. If she would have left, if she just kissed him and left like she'd planned, then this wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have let anyone hurt Kathy. She wouldn't have been on that date, and he wouldn't have turned out to be a violent asshole, and everything would have been just fine.

For them.

For her, things would have been horrible. She would be with Dean, and she would be miserable, but it would have been a small price to pay if it meant Elliot and his family were safe.

She twirled the ring again, watching it glisten in the streetlights that were rolling by. She sighed, taking it off. And she choked on a sob as she slid it back on. Impulsive, living in the moment, it all seemed to have a downside after all.

"Twenty-two, ma'am," the driver said, snapping her out of her morbid thoughts.

She handed him thirty and told him to keep the change, wanting to get out of the vehicle as fast as she could. She climbed the stairs and opened the door, but waited on the stoop for another few seconds. She looked up, feeling the rain on her skin. She closed her eyes, and suddenly she couldn't distinguish between raindrops and teardrops.

She sniffled and pushed the door open again, dropping her keys onto the table to her right. She closed the door behind her and moved to sit on the couch, before remembering she was soaked.

She was on her way up to the bathroom, when she noticed one of the photos on the wall was cracked. She lifted it gingerly off of the hook, and she ran her finger down the split in the glass. "John," she whispered, smiling at the picture of her, Elliot, and Munch. She turned and walked back downstairs, determined to fix the thing and put it back.

She flipped it over above a trash bin, and cringed when the glass plinked and clinked as it fell in, out of the frame. The photo fell, too, and something else.

"What the..." she said, bending to pick up the picture and the paper that was behind it.

She rested the picture on the coffee table and unfolded the piece of paper. She gasped when she read it. A letter, to her from Elliot, dated three years ago. The tears that had only just stopped fell freely again as his words were digested, and she sniffled. He had written a love letter, a confession of his deep-rooted feelings for her, and he was telling her that if he had to, he would give up everything: his wife, his job, his house. As long as he had his kids and her, nothing else would matter.

Near the end, he said he would never give her the letter, but Munch had told him that if he wrote it all down, he could pretend he told her, and he would feel better.

She chuckled at the fact that Elliot had, once again, taken Munch's advice. She folded the note back up, then tilted her head. She turned toward the picture, picked it up, and looked down into the face of her lost friend, frozen forever in time in a big, goofy smile. "Thank you," she said. "You knew I needed to read that, huh?"

"Read what?" a voice from behind her asked.

She jumped and turned, her face white. "I didn't hear you come in."

"Obviously," he said, narrowing his eyes. "You didn't hear your phone ringing either, I guess."

She shook her head. "Sorry."

"Sorry?" he almost yelled. "Never do that again, Liv! I came back down to get you and you were gone, then you don't answer your phone, Christ, with what we do for a living...do you know what was going through my mind?"

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I didn't think..."

"No, you didn't," he said, cutting her off. He was mad, but he ran over to her and pulled her into his arms. "Baby, if the orderly didn't tell me he saw you get into a cab...I..."

"I'm fine," she said softly, one hand snaking around his waist.

He exhaled. "I know you are, but...after what happened to Kathy, I don't...I don't need to worry that you..." he stopped talking, kissed her forehead, and pulled away from her. Looking into her eyes, he asked, "Why did you leave like that?"

She opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. "I thought you'd...I thought you'd be a while, and..."

"You thought she'd say something that would convince me to stay? Make me stay with her?" he guessed. He saw the answer in her eyes. "You don't...what's that?" He nodded toward her hands.

"Picture was cracked," she said. "I was fixing it and..."

"Tell me," he said, closing his eyes. "That you didn't read the..."

She held up the folded note. "Every word," she said quietly. "I was in the cab, and I just kept thinking that if I wasn't...that if we never kissed in that park..."

"This was not your fault," he told her, interrupting. "It's not my fault, and it's not your fault."

She blinked. "I know that," she said, nodding. "But I thought things would be better if...anyway, I was starting to think maybe talking to her, and seeing her like that, would make you regret this. Regret me. I guess...someone or something knew that finding that note and reading it would prove to me that you don't."

"Did it?" he asked, biting his bottom lip.

She looked at him and shrugged, and then she smirked. "It helped."

He took a step forward and cupped her chin lightly with two of his fingers. "I can't regret the best thing that's ever happened to me."

She smiled at him, and she rested a hand on his shoulder. "You're wet," she noticed.

He laughed. "It's raining," he shrugged.

She looked up at him, then, and asked, "Where are the kids?"

"With Kathy," he said. "We have to go back and get them in an hour. I was only supposed to go down and get you, but when you were gone, I panicked."

She sighed. "I'm sorry," she said again, dropping her head into his chest.

He kissed the crown of her head and said, "Me, too. I'm sorry you felt like you needed to leave, and I'm sorry I haven't made you feel secure enough in this relationship to know that nothing, and no one, is ever gonna make me second guess what we've done here."

She kissed his neck. "It's not you, El," she whispered. She kissed the spot behind his ear softly. "It's me. It's everything I know being turned upside down and inside out, I'm not used to this," she explained.

"Get used to it," he said, kissing her head again.

She laughed and looked up. "How is she? Are the kids okay?"

He cleared his throat. "Kathy's okay," he said. "A little bruised, a little humiliated, a little pissed off, but she's fine." He kissed the end of her nose. "The kids...well, Dickie and Lizzie are thrilled they get to spend the week with us, but Maureen and Kathleen are less than excited." He chuckled and said, "They really don't like me."

"They love you," she whispered. "You're their daddy, El. They're just trying to wrap their heads around what happened here."

"Like you are?" he questioned.

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Yeah," she said.

He kissed her lightly and pulled her back toward the door. Just as he rested his hand on the knob, his phone rang. "Stabler," he said, answering the call as he locked the door behind him. "What?" he asked, sounding stunned. "I...yeah, we're on our way." He flipped his phone closed and pulled Olivia toward his SUV faster.

"What happened?" she asked, concerned.

Elliot got into the driver's side, waited for her to get in, and said, "Sandoval's been shot. He's on his way to Mercy."

"Shouldn't they have called Fin?" Olivia asked, buckling her seatbelt as Elliot peeled at of the driveway.

Elliot looked at her for a moment, then sighed. he closed his eyes as he said, "Fin's the one who shot him."

**A/N: What? Why? And Munch sends Elliot a message, but how, and what about? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: "The moments that we remember most are the ones we would rather forget." **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. The story you are about to read belongs to Tstabler©**

They drove back to the hospital fast, no sounds between them except their breathing and the news on the radio. He parked in the same spot he'd been in before, got out of the vehicle with more of an attitude than before, and he ran over to her side, opening it and practically yanking her out of the car.

"Calm down," she spat, slamming the door behind her.

"Sorry," he hissed back, gripping her hand. "This has been the day from hell."

"Yeah," she sighed, raising both eyebrows. "But…"

"I love you," he interrupted, turning to look at her with serious eyes.

His words stunned her, coming out of nowhere as he tugged her toward the hospital doors. "I love you, too," she whispered, squeezing his hand. He nodded once at her, tried to smile, and led her through the sliding doors. He held onto her as he found the mob of cops in the emergency room, Cragen and Tucker in the middle, looking shocked and pissed.

Tucker saw them first, he nodded and waved them over. "Oh, look. Two of your detectives that don't want to kill each other, Don," he said, smirking.

"Yeah," Cragen said with a scoff. "Trust me, I would much rather them hate each other than…well, that." He gestured to their linked hands.

"Is that why Tutuola shot Sandoval?" Tucker asked, raising an eyebrow. "That's what he meant by defending Benson? What the hell was Sandoval trying to do?"

"You'll have to ask him when he gets out of surgery, Ed!" Cragen yelled, feeling as if he was being accused of something.

Tucker shook his head and ran a hand down his face. "How's Kathy?" he asked, turning to Elliot and Olivia.

Elliot cleared his throat. "She's like any other vic, man," he said, shaking his head. "It'll take time, but she's…she'll be okay. Thanks."

Tucker folded his arms. "They got him, Elliot. Before they shot at each other, they got him. Make sure you tell her that."

Elliot nodded, then looked at Olivia for a moment. He looked back at Tucker. "Are we okay?" he asked, his voice softening.

"Well, I would prefer you date someone you don't work with," Tucker said, tilting his head, "But as long as you can separate your professional from your personal…and a breakup doesn't hinder your ability to…"

Elliot held up their linked hands. "Who's breaking up?" he asked, smirking.

"Oh, wow," Tucker said, stammering as he caught sight of Olivia's ring. "Uh, you, uh, you're moving pretty fast."

"It's gonna be a very long engagement," Elliot said, chuckling. "You said they shot at each other? What happened, Ed?"

Tucker shook his head and looked back toward Fin, who was in a chair in the corner with two other men from IAB. "Ask him," he said. "All he'll say is he was defending Benson. Sandoval had a plan, and he stopped it. That's as far as we get."

Elliot looked at Olivia, kissed her quickly, and said, "Go upstairs, find the kids, Kathy might actually want to talk to you." He kissed her once again. "I'll be up in a few minutes."

Olivia sighed, dropped his hand, and nodded. "Don't leave me up there with her for too long, huh? She hates me."

"Yeah," Elliot laughed, "But right now, she needs you. She really does, baby."

She nodded again, kissed his cheek, and walked toward the elevator as Elliot moved toward Fin. He sat next to his friend and dismissed the other detectives, hoping to get the full story. "Talk," he said, looking at Fin.

"Nothin' to say," Fin said. "Told the suits what happened, I'm gettin' a few days, suspended without pay, nothin' else…"

"You were shooting at him, Fin," Elliot said, folding his arms. "Why?"

Fin sighed. "He was gonna go after Liv, man," he said with a shrug. "Cragen's orders. He was gonna get her, whether she was willin' or not, and I couldn't…"

"What do you mean, get her?" Elliot asked, fear and anger building. "You mean he was gonna try to…"

"He was talkin' about it when we popped Kathy's date," Fin interrupted. "Said maybe it would be a way to get you and Olivia away from each other."

"And he said Cragen put him up to it?" Elliot asked, hurt.

Fin shook his head. "Nah, he said Cragen told him to get her away from you no matter what. I guess he figured rape was fair game." He moved to get up.

Elliot grabbed Fin's arm. "Did you tell them? Fin, you have to tell..."

"I told Tucker," Fin said, "But he's been over there tryin' to smooth things over with Cragen so, I doubt he'll get anywhere with it." He shook his head. "This is all just gonna go away. He's lucky, man." He looked toward the wooden doors, behind which Sandoval was somewhere getting stitches. "He's lucky I didn't kill him."

"Go home to Melinda, man," Elliot said, standing. "And thank you. I mean it, Fin. Thank you."

"I'd do anythin' to protect her," Fin said, turning to Elliot again. "She's like my kid sister, Elliot. You're like a brother to me. I already lost Munch, I'm not…" he stopped talking, then shook his head, unable to speak anymore.

Elliot shook his hand and slapped his back. "Go home," he said.

"Can't," Fin said with a shrug. "Not until he comes out of there." He sighed again and said, "I need to stick around, see if I hit an artery or somethin."

Elliot nodded and let out a small laugh. "Right," he said, moving away from Fin. "I'll see ya, man."

Fin nodded, ran a hand down his face, and watched him walk away and head toward the elevator.

Elliot rode up to the floor Kathy was on, walked toward her room, but stopped, listening at the door. He heard their voices, he heard Kathy talking to Olivia like a victim would, telling her everything, crying.

He heard Olivia comforting her, telling her what she would tell a victim. He moved forward a bit, looking through the door. He saw Olivia holding Kathy's hand, he saw Kathy squeezing hers back, tears in her eyes. Then he heard something he could have sworn he'd never hear.

"Thank you, Olivia," Kathy said, her voice scratchy. "For everything. For being there for him, and the kids. And now for me. You really are a good person, and I know why he fell in love with you."

Olivia was floored. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to say something. "I…Kathy, I…"

"Thank you," Kathy interrupted, looking into Olivia's eyes.

"You're welcome," Olivia said, all she could say, and she gave Kathy's hand another squeeze.

"Dad?" Dickie's voice called from down the hall.

Elliot turned, seeing his four children walking toward him with coffee, juice, and snacks from the machines. "Hi," he said, giving them a small smile.

"Are they still talking?" Maureen asked, sipping a cup of vended coffee.

Kathleen scoffed. "We got kicked out the minute Liv showed up," she said. "As if we don't know what happened."

Elliot ran his hand through his daughter's hair. "I think they're done," he said, blinking once. "Go on in."

The door opened and Olivia turned, wiping her eyes. She had already cried once today in front of him, she didn't want to make it twice. "Hi," she said, wrapping her arms around Lizzie.

"Are you guys okay?" the youngest girl asked.

"Of course," Kathy said. "Olivia was a really big help."

Maureen and Kathleen gave their mother the same shocked expression. "Wow," Maureen said.

"Hell has frozen over," Kathleen quipped.

Elliot chuckled, nodding. "Yeah, seems that way," he said. "Say goodbye to your mother, guys. We gotta go."

The kids took turns hugging their mother, and then followed Elliot out into the hall. Kathy thanked Olivia one last time, and watched her leave with her kids and ex-husband.

The kids were munching on their snacks the whole way down the elevator and out into the car, and Elliot's hand never let go of Olivia's, even as he drove them home. It had been a long day, a long and hellish day, and neither one could wait to crawl into bed.

The kids trampled into their rooms, and Elliot and Olivia quietly changed and slipped into their own bed. They stayed quiet, watching the shadows dance on the ceiling, hoping to fall asleep.

Sleep, though, was not about to come easily. He kept tossing and turning, and she had another nightmare.

He calmed her, held her, kissed her fears away. They shifted in the bed, readjusted, moving and molding themselves against and around each other, and finally got the rest they so desperately needed.

It was a moment of peace, a moment that assured them only they could soothe each other. A moment that wouldn't last very long.

**A/N: Work troubles the next day lead them to take a break to comfort each other, how and why, though? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 **


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: "There are beautiful blink-and-you'll-miss-them moments in our lives that, when analyzed in afterthought, become the longest-lasting memories."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

Olivia tossed her pen onto her desk, unable to think, unable to concentrate. They had spent the majority of the morning re-interrogating a suspect who was about to get off on a technicality, and the two desks next to them were still empty owing to Fin's wayward bullet, so their afternoon and evening were spent busier than usual.

"Aim for my eye next time," Elliot said, breaking the silence in which they were both brooding. "Seriously, stab me in the eye with your pen, then we could go home, too," he said, looking up at her.

She scoffed, sipped from her mug of beautifully made coffee, and shook her head. "I don't need you injured and pissy. We have enough to deal with."

"Benson!" Captain Cragen's voice boomed from his office. "Stabler!"

"What now?" Elliot said, rolling his eyes.

Cragen, as if on cue in a poorly scripted drama, stepped over to them. "DB on Sixty-First. Matches the description of one of Sister Peg's girls."

Elliot looked at Olivia, saw her face fall and heard her breath leave her body. "This is all we fucking need," he said regretfully. "When Fin gets back, I have to remind him not to shoot his partner when a rash of rape-murders is on the horizon."

Olivia silently rose to her feet, shaking her head. "Come on, El," she said. "We need to meet Melinda, I assume?"

Cragen nodded. "She's there with Ryan. Sister Peg is there, too, so prepare yourselves for some of her screaming and blaming us for not taking better care of the New York City ladies of the night." He rolled his eyes and walked back toward his office.

Elliot looked at Olivia and sighed. "We can go home after this, right?"

She scoffed again, and that was as much of an answer as he was gonna get. They walked out into the hall, took the elevator ride down to the lobby, and strode out of the station, hoping the night's final challenge wouldn't be too taxing.

Hope let them down, as the moment they pulled up to the cornered off section of street, Sister Peg was on them like a hungry lion. She asked them why this had happened, asked where all of the patrolling officers were, and only when Olivia shot her a warning glare did she take a breath and tell them what they needed to know.

Melinda and Ryan were not helpful, either, since the good doctor was pissed off at her fiancée and the lab tech had no evidence to share. They spent forty minutes taking their own mental pictures and notes, then got back into the car, annoyed. Stuck.

"This blows," Elliot mumbled, starting the car. "I mean, really, this sucks."

She sighed and folded her arms. "I know it does," she said. "I'm right here with you."

As he drove, he looked over at her. "You're always with me, baby," he said. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Olivia smirked. Whether it was the pent up aggression, the emotion running wild in her veins at his words, or the fact that she hadn't been able to spend a single second alone with him for almost fourteen hours, she turned to him. "Drive faster," she said, raising an eyebrow.

"Faster?" he questioned, knowing what the look in her eyes meant. He stepped on the gas, heading back toward the precinct. He pulled into his spot but she shook her head. "What do you mean, no?"

"Farther away," she said, looking out through the windshield. "Someplace dark."

"Liv." he said, his voice lowering and his eyes darkening. "What are you..."

"Over there," she pointed. "Just do it."

Elliot didn't argue, simply moved the car over to the darkened spot she'd pointed out. "Okay, why are we all the way over..."

Her lips were on his, she fumbled for the seatbelt release, she climbed over the console into his lap.

He was surprised, but welcomed her advances, helping her as she struggled to get his belt unbuckled. He tried to follow her lips with his as she twisted her body in an inhuman fashion, and he let out a manly yelp, if there was such a thing, as the seat fell backward. He smirked. "Smart girl," he said with a nod.

She chuckled at him as she squirmed out of her pants a bit. She moaned and threw her head back when his hands fisted her breasts, squeezing and caressing, tugging and rubbing, loving every minute of it. She reached down and grabbed his length, stroking slowly as she pulled him out of his boxers and pants. "El," she moaned, bringing her head back up to meet his, "We don't have a lot of time, here."

He nodded, his hands sliding down to her waist. He lifted her off of him for a moment, only slightly, and shoved her black lace panties to the side. He bucked his hips, entering her smoothly, and growled as it happened.

She rode him, fast, relentless, bending over to kiss him as he reared up to meet her. Her hips did most of the work, and he was loving giving her the control, giving her the power.

"Fuck, baby," he hissed, holding her hips. "Shit, yeah," he grunted, looking up at her. Watching the way she was moving on him, for him, was erotic beyond comprehension.

She bit her lip, ground her fingers into his chest, and let out a cry of his name that made his blood boil and skin ripple.

He came hard as soon as he heard it, and he pulled her down for an intense kiss, bucking his hips harder, punctuating his release and hers with a very physical exclamation point.

She pulled away from him, breathless, and weakly asked, "Feel better?"

He nodded, trying to catch his own breath, and he laughed. "Better. Yeah." He sat up as she slid off of him and climbed back to her side of the car, zipping up and straightening out. "I feel like a teenager, stealing away to fuck the head cheerleader in his car at Friskers Point or something."

"Get real, El," Olivia scoffed, opening her door. "I was never a cheerleader." She winked at him and got out, slamming the door behind her.

He sighed, following her ass with his eyes, and he shuddered. "I love you," he whispered.

As if she knew he said it, though she couldn't have possibly heard him, she turned around and smiled. She said it with her eyes as she opened the door, walking back into the building that made his skin crawl. He sighed, opening the door, and answered his ringing phone as he walked in after her.

Olivia was waiting for him by the elevator, and he ran to her, panic in his eyes. She straightened up, looked at him, and asked, "What? What happened?"

"Kathy," he said to her, his voice laced with worry. "They sent in a staff psychiatrist to talk to her and she started screaming. Her nurse called me, she's asking for you."

"Me?" Olivia asked, tilting her head. "She wants me? After everything I..."

"You're the only one that's made her feel anything besides shame and agony in the last forty-eight hours, baby. You understand her right now, and you're a woman. She...I guess she feels like you...I dunno...you won't judge her because this is your job."

She bit her lip. "Do you think she meant she wanted..."

"She's not asking for me, she's asking for you," he said, knowing what she was about to ask. "Stay down here, I'll run up and tell Cragen that we have less than shit to go on with this case and I'll take you down to Mercy." He kissed her and bolted, taking the stairs.

She folded her arms and shook her head, expelling a long breath. Something didn't feel right about this. Kathy couldn't be dependent on her now, not after she had stolen away her husband and ruined her life. It was the wrong time to get close to the woman she'd despised for years.

She looked up, sighing again. "Nice one, Munch," she scoffed, blaming her new guardian angel for answering her one-time-prayer that Kathy actually like her. "Not what I meant."

**A/N: What does Kathy say when she talks to Olivia? She reveals a secret. Elliot's secret. o..O And Fin returns to work with a new partner, and they're both pissed off at Cragen. Review here or on Twitter: TMG212 **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: "Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away." Hitch.  
**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

Olivia took a deep breath as she walked into Kathy's hospital room, and she saw the woman she once accused of being heartless and soulless curled in a ball crying. Her heart cracked, her guilt took over for every other working emotion in her system. "Kathy?"

"Liv?" Kathy sniffled, sounding pitiful.

Olivia held her breath. No one called her that except Elliot, especially not Kathy. "Yeah, it's me." She walked into the room and sat on the chair beside the bed. "Elliot's outside, if you want..."

"No," Kathy said, shaking her head and sitting up. "I want you to...just...I don't know what to do, Olivia. I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I close my eyes, he's there, and he's hitting me, and I can feel it all over again, and I..."

"Shh," Olivia hushed, resting a hand on the broken woman's shoulder. "I know, Kathy, I know. What you've been through...it's traumatic and this is gonna take a very long time to..."

"How long?" Kathy asked, her head snapping toward Olivia. "How long am I gonna be like this?"

Olivia sighed. "It's impossible to tell you that. It's different for every vic...woman. I know women who've moved on and gotten their lives back in a week or two, with help. But I know people who never got over it."

"Your mother," Kathy whispered.

Olivia furrowed her brow. "Yeah," she said, "How did you..."

"Elliot," Kathy interrupted. "He talked about you all the time. He would always ask himself how your mother couldn't see the amazing woman you are. He'd look at me and ask, 'Why doesn't this crazy woman see that her whole life lies with her daughter, why didn't she get the help she needed to be a better mother to the most amazing person I've ever met?"

Olivia inhaled, trying to get enough air. "Kathy, I didn't come here to..."

"It took a couple months, then he started asking me the same questions," Kathy said, not hearing Olivia. She was staring at the sheets in her hands, she watched the fabric twisting. "He wondered why I couldn't see how good you were, why I didn't see how good you were with the kids and how much you cared about them and him."

Olivia dropped her hand from Kathy's shoulder, and was stunned when Kathy grabbed it in her own.

"I saw it," Kathy said. "I saw it all the time, I just...I knew what was happening," she whispered. "You don't know what it's like to watch the man you love fall in love with someone else."

"Yes, I do," Olivia said, nodding.

Kathy scoffed. "I don't believe you, you know, I don't believe anyone who had you could let you go. He was right, Olivia. Everything he said, he was right. You have the grace and the strength I wish I...I wish I had half of. Especially now."

"I'm not that strong," Olivia said. "I'm resilient, Kathy, there's a difference. You...you have four kids, a demanding job, and up until I...up until a month ago, you had a relationship with an infuriating, arrogant man." She laughed and smiled at Kathy, squeezing her hand. "You are a mother, and with that come being a doctor, a lawyer, a storyteller, a magician, a chef, a teacher, and a guardian angel. You are stronger than I could ever hope to be. You will get through this, because you have four reasons to put this behind you and talk to a counselor and get back home."

A tear rolled down Kathy's cheek and she sniffled. "You are all of that, too. I've seen you with my kids. I've seen you tend to their wounds, and read them stories, and you wrestle and play ball and dance and sing with them, you have a much more demanding job than I do and you have already dealt with more pain than..." she gasped a bit and let another tear fall. "And I was so mean to you, so threatened by you. I'm so sorry for all of it."

Olivia stopped herself from crying, too, and said, "Don't be. I was just as cruel to you for the same reasons. No wonder his ego is so damn huge, he had two women crazy in love with him."

Kathy laughed. "Ya know, when he told me before...I thought it wouldn't matter as long as we stayed married and you were with Dean. Then when he came back and told me you weren't gonna marry that guy, and he needed to..."

"I'm lost, here," Olivia said, shaking her head as she interrupted Kathy. "Before...he told you what before?"

"He told me he loved you," Kathy said. "We had this long talk about why things between us were so shitty, and he said he thought it might have been because he was falling in love with you." She shrugged and said, "We never talked about it again, it was just let go, and then a year later, he comes in and tells me, while he thinks I'm sleeping..."

"A year?" Olivia asked, her breath rushing out of her lungs.

Kathy nodded. "I guess he didn't tell you," she said with a small laugh. She sat up again and let Olivia's hand go. "Talking to you, it...it makes everything better. Even if we're not talking about me, I...you have this calming presence."

Olivia closed her eyes and had to laugh. "I've heard that before. I don't buy it."

"You do," Kathy said. "That's why the victims you work with love you. That's why he loves you. You calm him down. Lord knows he needs someone who can do that." She saw the look in Olivia's eyes and she said, "I don't blame you, you know. Not anymore. I'm really glad you're here, Olivia."

Olivia let out a breathe she wasn't even certain she had taken, and she nodded. "Me, too," she said. She meant it.

* * *

Elliot stood up as Olivia walked out of Kathy's room, an hour and a half after she'd gone in. "Is she okay?"

Olivia nodded. "She's sleeping."

He kissed her forehead. "What did she say, did she..."

"She's gonna see a counselor, but she's gonna call me whenever she wants," Olivia said, interrupting him. "She told me...you told her you thought you were in love me. Over a year ago."

Elliot looked at her for a moment, then cleared his throat. "I did, I wanted to...I was trying to find a way to...I was just so...stuck."

She took his hand as they walked toward the elevator. "It just seems so...not like you. To say something like that and just let it go, to know it could ruin your life."

"I never told you," he said with a nod. "I didn't think it mattered, ya know, because you weren't gonna give me the time of day, or so I thought. I said it, then the next day I told her I just said it to see how she would react. We laughed about it and I saved my ass."

She walked through the sliding doors of the lift and pulled him close to her. "She told me you used to talk about me a lot, said some really nice things."

"They were all true. Everything I have ever told her about you, I meant," he said, looking into her eyes. He kissed her and said, "When I told her I was falling in love you, though, I lied."

She tilted her head and dropped her eyebrows a bit.

"Baby," he whispered, "I was already in love with you. You read that letter, right? I wrote that before I told her."

She let a small puff of air out through her nose and she moved in, kissing him. "She's gonna be okay," she said, smiling.

"So all that time you were in there, you were just talking about me?" he said, grinning as the elevator opened.

Olivia tugged him out of the box and laughed. "No, we talked about her, what happened, how to work her through it. And then...she told me that I'm gonna be an amazing wife and mother, and then she called me 'Liv' which was really uncomfortable, but I guess she heard you do it so much..."

"Wait," he said, pulling on her arm, tugging her into his body. "You know what this means, right?"

She kissed him and said, "It means we're gonna be okay, too."

"It means we're gonna be great," he said, kissing her eagerly.

"Detectives!" a nurse running down the hall yelled, heading for them. "Thank God you're still here. There's a disturbance in the ER."

Olivia furrowed her brow. "Here? What is it, DV? Sexual..."

"No," the nurse said, panting. "Its the other detectives."

"Other...what?" Elliot ran with the nurse, Olivia right beside him, down the hall and through the doors to the ER. His eyes landed on Fin, a man he sort of recognized to Fin's left, and Sandoval with his arm in a sling trying to k. "Hey!" he yelled, hurling himself into the middle of the fray.

"Stay outta this, man," Fin yelled.

Elliot turned on him. "I am not gonna let you lose your job, not over that piece of shit. Calm down." He pushed Fin away from Sandoval, and asked, "What happened?"

Fin took a deep breath and said, "We were here with a vic, then this punk comes out of the bathroom, he looked right at me and...he said somethin' about Olivia."

Elliot looked at Olivia then turned to Sandoval. "What did he say?"

Fin took another deep breath. "He said she was gonna get it, and he was gonna give it to her, as soon as his arm healed. I took it as a threat, tried to arrest him, and that's when he yelled and told the closet nurse I was attacking him."

The man next to Fin chuckled. "It was pretty entertaining."

"Who are you?" Olivia asked, looking at the man next to Fin.

"I'm Pete," he said, holding out his hand. "You are definitely a new breed of woman, Detective Benson."

Olivia shook his hand, asking, "How did you know..."

"Cragen told me everything I needed to know," Pete said. "You certainly traded up, Stabler."

Elliot ran a hand down his face. "Liv," he said. "That's Pete Breslin."

Olivia looked at Elliot and raised an eyebrow. "Your old..."

"Yeah," he said, nodding again. "Yeah, I did. What the hell is Cragen trying to pull here? My old partner? I mean, this is not..."

"Who you calling old?" Pete questioned, his eyes narrow. "This is gonna be great, Elliot. You and me had some good times. Though, uh, from what I gather, not as good as you and your new partner."

Elliot scoffed, grabbed Olivia's hand, and left them to deal with Sandoval alone. He had to get home, get into bed, and hold his girlfriend close to him as he slept the hell that was his day away.

He knew, though, that he would have to deal with a whole new hell tomorrow.

Olivia, though, had other plans. She had an urge, a drive to do something she'd never done before, something that talking to Kathy had made her really need to do. And she was gonna make Elliot do it with her.

**A/N: Old partner and new partner? Another impulsive spontaneous act, and a night with the kids, too, next. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: "All it takes to change a life is a moment, a single moment."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

Elliot had been the first to wake up. He rolled over and sighed at the scene before him. Every morning, and sometimes in the middle of the night, he thanked God she was in the bed with him, in his life, he couldn't believe she loved him. He ran a hand through her hair, and he smiled as she nuzzled unconsciously into his touch. "Baby," he whispered as his eyes focused on her soft lips.

She curled further into him, her arm draping over his waist as she pulled herself into his arms. She let out a soft sigh as he lips curled into a small smile.

"I love you," Elliot whispered, his eye drifting shut as he drank in the moment, her warm body pressed against his.

He was not expecting it, he thought she was asleep, but he heard her say it. "I love you, too."

He looked down, bending his head to glance at hers, which was curled into his chest. "You're awake?"

She nodded against his skin, her hair tickling him and sending shivers up his spine. "I am." She yawned and rolled into him, and then she chuckled. "So are you," she said with a smirk.

He laughed, knowing what she meant, and he gave a playful thrust back to her. "Did I wake you up?"

She nodded again. "I'm glad you did, though," she said softly. "We have a few hours before the alarm goes off. We can be alone for a little while."

"When the kids wake up, all hell is gonna break loose," he said with a sigh. "Maureen and Kathleen..."

"El," she interrupted, kissing his lips. "It's gonna be okay. They're gonna be fine. It'll just take a little getting used to, a little compromise."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You really believe that?"

"Not in the least," she chuckled. "But you needed to hear it."

He kissed her, pulled her closer as he rolled over, on top of her, and he moaned softly. "I did," he said, nodding. "I need something else, right now, too."

She moaned and her eyes fluttered shut as he brought his lips down onto her neck. She pressed her lips together as he pushed into her, and she let her mind think the words she couldn't speak. She needed it, too. Especially after the horrible dream she'd had.

* * *

Two hours of bliss later, the alarm blared. They both reached out to smack it, laughing as they only succeeded in sending it flying off of the table. They got out of the bed, and after Elliot righted the clock, they showered, together, and got dressed.

Breakfast was awkward. Maureen was giving both adults the cold shoulder and Kathleen was staring harshly at Olivia's left hand. The tension was thick, even the joviality of the twins couldn't break it.

"When?" Kathleen's voice finally broke into the silence.

Elliot blinked. "When what, honey?"

Still staring at the ring, she spoke again. "When are you two...getting married?"

Olivia looked at Elliot, and then she sighed. "I don't know," she said. "We never really talked about it," she shrugged and put her dishes in the washer.

"Well, take the day off," Maureen offered, proving she wasn't mute. "What's stopping you?"

Elliot looked at his daughter. "Do you...did you just suggest we do this now? Today?"

Dickie gasped. "Dad, that would be so cool! Do it!"

"Now, hold on," Elliot said louder. "Maur, you hated this, you were completely against this. Now you're pushing it?"

Maureen put her fork down. "I was...shocked, hurt. Kind of stuck between being pissed off and happy about it. Then, when I saw how she was with Mom, when I saw hoe Mom was with her...I just...I knew that this had to be what was for the best, right?"

Kathleen shook her head. "She's right," she said. "We weren't sure if this was just a result of your friend dying, ya know? But we get it now. If it'll make you happy, then...maybe you should..."

Lizzie smiled. "So are you guys getting married, or what?" she asked, interrupting her sister.

Elliot turned, looking at Olivia by the sink, her eyes closed and her hand shaking. "Liv?" he asked, trying to get an answer, trying to get her to look at him.

Olivia ran, then, heading into the bedroom. She headed toward her underwear drawer, shuffling things about, and when she found what she was looking for, she opened the bottle and shook two little, pink pills into her hand. She popped them into her mouth just as Elliot walked in.

"What the hell was that?" he asked.

For an answer, she tossed the bottle to him. She ran her hands through her hair and then placed one over her racing heart. "I can't...it's happening when I'm awake now, and I..."

"Anti-anxiety pills," he mused, looking at the bottle, and then at the name of the doctor. "You went to see Huang? When?"

She sighed and looked up at him. "After that...when I woke up screaming, I...I needed to make it stop, El."

He pulled her into his arms. "Was this because the kids were talking about us getting married?"

She shook her head and took another breath. "No, I actually...I kind of like that idea, but I couldn't...my hand started shaking, my heart started pounding, I close my eyes and there you were, flat on the floor, bleeding, I couldn't..."

"Shhh," he hushed, pressing her to him, holding her. "It's okay, baby. We're both okay."

She nodded, calming down in his arms. "I think it was...seeing that Breslin guy last night, hearing Fin say Sandoval still wanted to..."

"Okay, honey," he said, interrupting. "Pete talks big but he's harmless, and if Sandoval comes anywhere near you, I'll kill him. You're fine."

She looked up at him, her eyes were clearer now. "I know," she said. "I know, El."

He kissed her, slowly and deeply, making sure the meaning behind the kiss was clear.

She pulled away and smiled at him. "I'm gonna call Cragen."

He furrowed his brow. "What? Why?" he asked, folding his arms.

"We're gonna be late," she said over her shoulder. "Tell the kids to wear something nice."

"Liv, baby, what the hell are you..." and then it hit him. His brow unfurled and his lips slid into a grin. He clapped his hands together and chuckled. It was gonna be the best day of his life.

Or so he thought.

**A/N: So they make it to the courthouse? Does someone, or something intervene? And what message do they get from Munch? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: "Some moments last for only the briefest amount of time. Others, though, last far longer. Moments become memories, and they can either haunt us or give us reason to celebrate forever. Choose your moments wisely, and make the most of your memories."**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns the characters. That's pretty much it. Everything else written before you is pure TStabler©**

"Calm down," Olivia said, following Elliot into the squad room. "El, please, just calm…"

"You're calm enough for the both of us!" he snapped at her, throwing his suit jacket off and onto his chair. "I wanna know how they knew, and how they had any right to…"

"What the hell is going on out here?" Cragen asked, barging out of his office and into the bullpen.

Olivia looked at her captain. "We went down to the courthouse to, uh, check on a case. It seems we need to hand in special forms before they'll give us any…information."

Cragen eyes Elliot, his head tilting slightly. "What case?" he asked, suspicious.

"Oh, she's full of shit," Elliot hissed. "We went down there thinking we could get a marriage license, and have a judge say a couple of bullshit speeches that mean nothing to either of us before legally declaring us married. We get all the way down there, and the clerk asks for a…what the fuck was it…an E-Ninety-Seven form. I looked at him funny, then I asked him what the hell that was. Ya know what he said?"

"I have an idea," Cragen said, looking away from him.

"Since when do I need permission from my superior officer to get married, Captain Cragen?" Elliot asked, his tone menacing as his words dripped with anger and hurt.

"You wouldn't need it," Cragen began, then he took a brief pause to breathe. "You wouldn't need it if you weren't trying to marry Olivia. I have to sign off on that."

Elliot took a step toward his captain. "Why, might I ask, is it any of your concern who I marry and when?"

"Look, Elliot, I know what the two of you are going through. I don't want either of you rushing into something you're going to regret just because you need to feel some kind of…I dunno…human connection."

Olivia turned white. "What…Captain, how the hell did you…"

"It's not confidential if it affects your job, Olivia," Cragen said, looking at her.

Olivia folded her arms, feeling betrayed. "He had no right to tell you…"

"He didn't tell me anything," Cragen interrupted. "I got Morales to download the file. I was worried about you. I just wanted to find out why you went to see him, and then…I just couldn't stop reading."

Elliot looked back at her. "You told George you were only marrying me because…"

"No," Cragen said, cutting into their would-be-argument. "That's not what she said. She said…"

"Hey!" Olivia yelled. "If I wanted him to know, I would have said it to him! Can we please not discuss my one and only confidential-my-ass therapy session? Thanks!"

Elliot took a step toward her. "Tell me," he whispered.

She blinked and she shook her head. "It's not important."

"It's important to me," he said, reaching for her hand. "Liv, come on."

She took a shaky breath. "I said…I said that no one could understand what it was like living your whole life without feeling any kind of human connection, and then finding one, finally, and being so afraid to lose it that you…"

"Panic," he interjected. "Is that what…"

"I don't wanna lose you, El," she whispered, stopping his words. "Even before…all of this. Even when you were just a friend, just a partner, I've always been terrified of losing you."

He let his lips curl into a small smile. "You're not gonna lose me," he said. "I promise you, that's never gonna happen." He leaned closer to her and dropped his voice. "Even if we have to wait, do this the old fashioned way, with a year's worth of planning and…" He stopped. His face screwed up in confusion for a moment, and he walked away from her toward his desk.

He tossed his jacket aside, gave the chair a shove, and he pulled open a drawer. "Where is it?" he asked himself, rummaging through papers and pens. He gave a victorious chuckle as he pulled out the birthday card Munch had posthumously sent him. He read it and shook his head. "Damn you, John."

"What is it?" Olivia asked, walking away from a very confused Cragen.

Elliot handed the card to Olivia. "He told us what to do a long time ago. She read it out loud softly, recalling the first time. "Stabler, another year has come and gone, and another year awaits. Take my advice, and stop living like you're as old as I am. You're getting up there, pal. Soon you'll be up here with me, and when you look down, I don't want you to see the 'could have beens' the way I do. Use the time you have to fulfill every fantasy, live out every dream, and for the love of God, tell Benson you love her because if a half-blind idiot like me can see that, then it's obvious to her, too. Go with God, my brother. Happy birthday. Yours always, John." She looked up at Elliot and shrugged. "I don't get it."

Elliot chuckled again. "Up here…when you look down…go with God? He's telling us to take a risk, Liv. Gamble. Like…maybe on a plane, where we'd be able to look down…"

"You think Munch let you some kind of cryptic message in this card," Olivia cut in skeptically. "And you think he's telling us to fly to Vegas?"

Elliot smirked. "He was always one for conspiracies, Liv. Maybe he figured I would get it. Eventually."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Okay, Munch Junior," she snarked. "Back to reality here, we have work to do. We can deal with this later." She had to change the subject, or he'd have them on a plane that night. A plane ride was something she couldn't handle, not with her anxiety issues, not unless she was jumping out of one again.

"I still think it's a good idea," he said, watching her walk around the desk to her own chair. "We won't need an E-whatever-the-dumb-shit in Vegas."

Cragen shook his head. There was no stopping them, he realized. He cleared his throat as Fin walked in, followed by Breslin. They dropped coffee down on Elliot's desk, two cups, and sat in their respective seats. "A peace offering," Breslin said, tipping his hat to Olivia before taking it off and hanging it on the desk lamp.

"Munch used to do that," Olivia said, her eyes on the swaying cap.

"Oh." Breslin said, reaching for it. "I'm sorry, I…"

"No, leave it," Olivia said, stopping him. "It's…comforting."

Breslin smiled at her, then nodded. "Okay, then," he said. "What's on the agenda this morning?"

Cragen moved down the aisle toward the large white-board, and he hung up a color photo of a woman who looked badly beaten. "Chandra Haines," he said. "Twenty-Four year old law student at Hudson."

"Hey, she kind of looks like Olivia," Breslin said, leaning back in his chair.

Cragen nodded. "That's why you're picking this up from Griffin and Wiley." He looked back at the board and tapped the photo. "She said she on her way home from a study group when a man jumped out from the shadows and grabbed her, took her into the bushes and raped her, before beating her to within an inch of her life." He eyed Elliot cautiously before saying, "The study group met in apartment 3B of Olivia's old building. Chandra claims her attacker's left arm was in a sling. Are we making a connection here?"

"Sandoval," Fin said, his jaw clenched.

"Thinking he was making good on his threat," Elliot said, folding his arms.

Cragen gave a single nod. "Fin, Breslin, go find him. He should be home on medical leave. Don't let on that he didn't get Benson!"

Elliot raised his eyebrows and dropped his arms to his desk. "And what are we supposed to do?" he asked, annoyed.

"You're supposed to re-interview Chandra, and then take the next call that comes in," Cragen said, matter-of-factly. "You're supposed to, ya know, do your job."

Elliot closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew Cragen was heading into his office, and he said, opening his eyes, "I'll be needing that form, Cap."

"What happened to Vegas?" Cragen spat back. He narrowed his eyes, letting Elliot know that he wouldn't sign the paper, then he turned and walked into his office, slamming the door behind him.

"You'd think he'd be happy for us," Elliot said, sliding his chair back and getting up.

"You really expect anyone to be happy for us?" Olivia asked. "Hell, it took me a while to be happy for us," she joked. "This didn't exactly happen under the best circumstances."

He shrugged, took her hand, and led her out of the room. "Ya know what they say, "A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes."

"So, Mark Twain is a 'they,' huh?" she teased, jibing him about his choice of pronoun.

"Other people have said it," he informed her, sounding smug. He pulled her toward him, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, walking her out of the bullpen.

From his office window, Cragen watched them go, and he sighed. He shook his head and moved toward a filing cabinet, flipping through folders and papers. He found what he was looking for, and he shit the drawer. "I hope to god you two really want this," he mumbled as his pen flitted across the paper. He stepped into the bullpen, laid the signed form on Elliot's desk, and looked up. "Vegas?" he questioned. "Munch, you know she hates to fly." He chuckled to himself and wandered back into his office, waiting for his unit to return, waiting for Elliot's reaction, and waiting for his world to crash down around him. Again.

**A/N: Uh-oh? Why would his world crash down around him? And what does Elliot do when he sees that form, signed? I'll just say it takes Olivia and Elliot a bit longer to get home. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: "Rushing can make you miss the moment. Take time, through your rushing, to let the moment sink in, let it linger, make it last."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

Elliot was quiet, almost somber, as the night wore on. He did his job, he interrogated a suspect, and he stayed with Olivia in the cribs when they brought in Sandoval, who was certain it was her whom he attacked.

She was staring at him, looking into his eyes as they sat on a lumpy bed in the bunkroom. "Are you all right?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"He signed it," he said, as if he honestly couldn't believe it. "That stupid form is downstairs, on my desk, signed. After all the yelling, and the…"

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" she asked, interrupting. Her hand rested on his knee as she waited for an answer.

He nodded, smiling softly at her. "It's just a bit unnerving. Why did he put up such a fight if he was just gonna sign it anyway?" He narrowed his eyes. "Why doesn't he get what this is, Liv? Why doesn't he trust us on this?"

She shook her head. "Maybe he was just hoping if this ever happened he'd be retired, you and Kathy would have already split up, and it wasn't in response to a traumatic event."

He chuckled. "Our whole lives are traumatic events," he said with a sigh. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight. "Fin asked me to the best man," he said, changing the subject.

"I figured he would," she said. "He thinks of you like a brother."

"It made me think," he told her. "I know we're excited, and we just wanna be married, together forever as soon as possible, but…this would be your first wedding."

"Only," she corrected.

He laughed and kissed her. "Exactly." He looked at her and grinned a bit. "Don't you want the whole white-dress-big-cake-fancy-party-stretch-limo deal?"

She laughed and shook her head. "I'm not big on being the center of attention. I just want you and the kids, and someone telling me over and over again that I'm not dreaming."

He kissed her again. "You're not dreaming," he whispered. "We are both wide awake." His lips brushed over hers again, giving her the barest of kisses.

"Tomorrow," she said. "If you still wanna do this, we can take the kids down there tomorrow. We're off, and you…"

He stopped her talking with a kiss, one that was interrupted by the door opening. A man cleared his throat and they both turned to look at who had come in. "Hey, man," Elliot said, nodding at Breslin.

"Just wanted to let you know, Sandoval lawyered up," Breslin said. "Langan came to get him, he's walking until we have solid evidence. He's one smug son of a bitch, and he swears he got Olivia. You should have seen the way he was glaring at her desk on the way out."

"Well, it wasn't Liv, so…I don't have to kill him. Yet," Elliot replied. "Sandoval has always been an ass. When he was with Liv…"

"Wait," Breslin cut in, "You actually gave that schmuck a shot, Benson?"

Olivia shrugged. "He wasn't a schmuck back then, and it wasn't serious."

"Not like you and Stabler," Breslin said with a smirk, folding his arms.

"No," Olivia said. "Not like me and Stabler."

Elliot rose, then gestured for Olivia to do the same. They followed Breslin out and down the stairs, back into the bustling squad room. Elliot shot Cragen a questioning look, then looked at Fin. "Hey, who's handling this Sandoval mess on our end?"

Fin ran a hand down his face and said, "Alex. Who else?"

Elliot sighed and folded his arms. "You never know, ADAs come and go here like it's a fucking bus stop."

Fin chuckled and yawned. "Man, is it eleven, yet?"

"Go home," Cragen said. "All of you, just…go home." He grabbed his coat and hat and said, "That's where I'm heading." He walked out of the bullpen, leaving his crew stunned. Cragen never left first.

* * *

Getting back to the apartment took longer than expected. An accident on a main road held them up, but they didn't mind being stuck in traffic. It gave them time to talk, time to just be themselves.

They walked through the door smiling, laughing, having reminisced about their early cases, how Munch used to tease them about their relationship, and how they gave each other their short nicknames.

Elliot tossed off his jacket, kicked off his shoes, and turned, pulling her into his arms with a laugh. "I can't remember ever coming home from work this happy."

"Because you never did," a voice from the kitchen said.

Elliot turned his head and narrowed his eyes. "What are you doing up?"

Maureen shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. I kept thinking…maybe what happened today was a sign. Maybe you shouldn't rush into this. I know we all kind of want you to, but maybe…"

"We talked about it," Olivia said, interrupting Maureen. "We're gonna go tomorrow, get the license, legally do this."

"And in a few months, we'll have a real wedding. When things calm down, when you all get used to us being together, we'll plan things, the way we want them."

Maureen was quiet for a moment. She took a couple of steps toward the couple, and she asked, "Do you think…could I help pick out the dresses?"

Olivia felt something odd, a warm feeling, as she nodded. "Of course, sweetie."

Maureen gave a small smile and hugged her, then hugged her father. "Goodnight," she said.

"Goodnight, honey," Elliot called after her. He turned back toward Olivia and raised an eyebrow. "Did that just happen?"

Olivia chuckled. "Guess she's feeling better about us."

Elliot kissed her and brushed her hair back. "You talk to Kathy lately?"

She nodded, kissing him. "She's got a lot to say," she said. "I can't wrap my head around this, but she's…nice to me. She calls, and she talks so freely about everything, and it makes me wonder why we weren't this close when I was just your friend. I practically steal you out from under her and she wants to be my best friend."

"It took losing me, knowing she couldn't be jealous anymore, to get her to see how amazing you really are," he told her with a soft kiss. "You really helped her out, you were there when she needed someone. Not many people would run to their fiancées ex-wife's side like you did."

She shrugged. "I felt like I owed it to her," she admitted. "But she's okay. She's dealing with it, and she said she's ready to testify when we need her to do it. Did you know she's taking kickboxing classes?"

Elliot laughed. "She goes to your gym, actually," he said. "She asked me once how you stay in such amazing shape, so I told her."

She dropped her head onto his shoulder. "Why does this seem so wrong?"

"Because it's so fucking right," he whispered to her. "It…just let it happen, baby." He kissed the crown of her head and guided her into the bedroom. He let her go and watched her body as she moved toward the dresser. He blinked as he saw her reaching for the bottle of pills, and he ran to her side. He grabbed her hand. "You need to stop taking these," he whispered.

She looked up at him, her lower lip and chin quivering slightly. "I know," she said. "I don't…I just don't wanna have another nightmare."

"You won't," he whispered. "And if, for some strange reason, you do…I will be right there. I will wake you up, baby. I'm gonna be right beside you, all night long." He kissed her temple, then her lips, and then he helped her change.

He slipped into his sweats, got into the bed, and pulled her close against him, and he whispered, "I love you," over and over into her ear, until she was asleep. He smiled at her, kissed her once, and let sleep take him away, too.

* * *

He woke up some time later, feeling someone lightly caressing his chest, warm lips pressed against his face and neck. "Liv?" he mumbled, a smile creeping over his face.

She nodded as she kissed his neck, her fingers running up and down his body. "Hey," she whispered.

"What's…God, that feels so good," he grumbled, rolling his head to face her as his eyes opened. "What time is it?"

"Early," was her response. Her hands pulled at his pants, her lips trailed down to his chest as she crawled over him.

"Baby," he whispered, moaning, "Now this is how to wake a guy up."

She laughed and shoved his pants down, her lips still sliding over his skin. "You started it," she said with a smirk.

"How?" he questioned, moving his tired arms and pulling up her sleep shirt.

She bit lightly on his nipple, making him groan, and said, "You move in your sleep. A lot."

He laughed and got a good grip on her, then rolled them over. "I must have been dreaming about you."

She chuckled and said, "I had a wonderful dream, myself."

"See? No more nightmares," he said, dropping his head to kiss her. "Not if I can help it."

She tangled her fingers in his hair, bucking her hips into him, and they moaned together. "El," she whispered, "Make me forget."

"Forget what, baby?" he asked, kissing her and pushing into her slowly.

"Everything," she whispered as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "Everything but this. Everything but the fact that in less than five hours, we'll be married, and I'll never have to worry about losing you again."

He buried himself into her completely, grunting as he did it. He pulled his head back for a moment and said, "Only if you do the same thing for me." He moved once and kissed her, then he whispered, "I'm forgetting already."

She murmured his name, holding onto him, and she let all of the negativity she'd been harboring for the past two months slip away. She let herself get lost in the moment, in the here and now of being in his arms, being possessed and loved so deeply by him.

"I love you, baby," he said into her ear, thrusting slowly.

She looked into his eyes, seeing that they were bright and clear, and she smiled as she let a soft moan slip through her lips. "I love you," she whispered. She vowed to make an effort to let go of the anxiety, stay calm, let herself fall, because as she was reminded, he would always catch her.

When they make their way to the courthouse, it wouldn't be falling that would be the danger, it would be getting pushed.

**A/N: Say what? Who "pushes" them, and what do they do about it? A special night with the kids…and Kathy? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 **


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: "Sometimes people are stuck in a place they enjoy, so they take steps to stay stuck there."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

Cragen sucked in a breath when Elliot and Olivia walked through the doors. His eyes met Elliot's for a moment, and he rose out of the seat. "Before you say anything, I'm not here to stop you."

"Why are you here, then?" Elliot asked, his hand clutching Olivia's as the kids walked into the room behind them.

Cragen sighed. "You need witnesses." He dropped his arms to his side, cleared his throat, and said, "I wanna be here. I owe it to you to be here."

"You sure it's not just because you feel like you need to involve yourself in this more than you already have?" Elliot asked, snippy.

"El," Olivia said in a chiding manner, squeezing his hand.

"Sorry," he mumbled, pulling her over to the desk. "Stabler, here to see Judge Moredock."

The receptionist looked up and smiled. "Hello, Detective Stabler. Detective Benson," she said, handing them a packet of stapled papers. "You need to fill these out, make sure you both sign them, and the judge will be waiting in his office when you're ready."

Elliot took the papers and nodded with a smile. He handed them to Olivia as they walked toward the chairs against the wall.

"Congratulations, by the way," the receptionist called as they walked away.

Olivia waved at her with a bright smile, and she looked down at the forms. She sat, exhaled, and clicked the pen in her hands. "This is it," she said. "We fill out this thing, sign it, and that's it."

Elliot looked at her. "You sure it's what you want?"

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "There's no reason to wait, right? Live in the moment," she whispered. "Is it what you want?"

He nodded. "It's what I wanted…the second you kissed me in the park," he said, his eyes glazing over just a bit. "I remember thinking how I never wanted to kiss another woman as long as I lived, I never wanted to let that moment end, I never wanted to let you go."

She took a small breath and signed the paper on the dotted line. "Now, you never have to do any of that." She handed him the pen, and she watched him as he held it in his hands for a moment before biting his lip and signing his name right next to hers.

"We're doing this," he whispered. "We're really doing this. One kiss, Liv. One moment. This came from taking a risk, a risk I am thankful you decided to take."

"And that's exactly what we're doing, now. Still taking risks." She took his hand, pulled him up out of his chair, and walked with him to the judge's office. The kids followed, as did Cragen, and when she knocked on the door, the judge opened it with a smile.

"You two," Moredock said, grinning. "If someone would have told me, when I first met you, that we'd be standing here like this, I would have had them held in contempt until your psychiatrist could evaluate them. Regardless of if we were in court or not."

Elliot and Olivia chuckled, then he looked at the judge. "This is a spur of the moment thing, Your Honor. We just…we don't have a reason to wait." He pushed his kids over to the side of the room, and he handed the judge the papers. "The E-Ninety…whatever it was…is there, too."

Moredock raised an eyebrow, turning to Cragen. "You actually dragged that thing out of the depths of hell?"

"I thought they needed it," Cragen said as he shrugged. "This didn't seem like a real…"

"Don," Moredock said, "You're supposed to have incredible powers of observation." He shook his head and chuckled, and he walked over to the desk. "All right, who wants to get hitched?"

The kids pointed to Elliot and Olivia at once, making them laugh. "Pushy bunch, aren't you?" Elliot asked.

Dickie rolled his eyes. "You're the one who keeps spouting all that stuff about living in the moment, and the here and now. Well, Dad, we're here, it's now, and…"

"All right," Elliot said. "If you could stop turning into me, that'd be great."

"Can't help my genes, Dad," Dickie said with a smirk, just like his father's.

Moredock chuckled, then held out a Bible. "Will you both place your left hands on the Bible, and raise your right."

Olivia smirked. "Are we being sworn in?"

"Smart ass," Elliot quipped under his breath, following the judge's directions. His eyes moved to his kids as the judge started rambling, and he saw their faces. Small, content smiles were on their faces, and they looked almost happy. Then he looked toward Cragen.

The captain had his arms folded, a somber look on his face. He nodded at Elliot, not happily, but almost as if he was conceding in a fight, losing a battle. He had an empty look in his eyes and he shook his head, turning away when he heard the judge ask if they wanted to exchange rings.

"Yes," Elliot said, hearing him and looking immediately from Cragen to Moredock. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. He handed it over, then saw the surprised look on Olivia's face. "Hey, just because we didn't plan this doesn't mean I'm not prepared." He winked at her, and smiled when she laughed.

Moredock handed her a ring, and handed Elliot the other. They slipped them onto each other's finger, and that was it. Moredock dropped the Bible to his desk and said, "By the power granted to me, by the state of New York, I now pronounce you man and wife. Detective Stabler and…well, Detective Stabler, congratulations."

They laughed, shook the judges hand, and then kissed. Cragen sighed, shook his head, signed the witness statement for them, and walked out, leaving them laughing and enjoying the moment.

* * *

Elliot turned the key, laughing, and walked into the apartment. He held the door open for Olivia and the kids, who were all still laughing, and when he turned on the light, there was a surprise waiting for them.

"Mom?" Kathleen asked, furrowing her brow.

"Kathy," Elliot said, narrowing his eyes, "What did you do to your hair?"

Kathy, on the couch, ran a hand through her hair. "You don't like it?"

"Not really," Maureen said, folding her arms. "You look much better as a blonde."

Kathy shrugged. "I needed a change. I, uh, I heard you two got…got married? Really, that was…that was fast. But I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Olivia said. She tugged on a lock of her own hair, making a mental note to cut and dye it as soon as possible. "How did you get in here, by the way?"

Kathy held out a small silver key. "Elliot had a copy made for me, just in case I ever decided to stay in the city with him. Of course, I never did, but I kept the key."

Elliot reached for it, nodding. "Thanks for bringing it by," she said.

"I came to talk to Liv, actually," Kathy said, looking toward her.

Elliot held back a cough at the sound of Kathy using Olivia's nickname, and he said, "Go get changed, guys. When you're ready, we'll order the pizza, get the ice cream, and pick a movie."

The kids eyed their mother suspiciously, then filed up the stairs, mumbling to each other about Kathy's new dark 'do.

"I know it's your wedding night, so I won't stay long. I just wanted to ask a few questions," Kathy said. "About court. I mean, how rough is this gonna be? Will he be in the room?"

Olivia sighed. "Yes, he'll be there. You'll have to tell your story, the whole thing, in vivid detail. You have to make sure they all understand exactly what happened to you."

"You know, isn't that enough?" Kathy asked, brushing her hair behind her ear. "I mean, couldn't you just…"

"Kathy, we have trail prep all this week," Olivia said. "And we've gone over what is expected of you, you know they can't convict…"

"I wish I had your balls, Liv," Kathy said, shaking her head with a smile. "You would tell them everything, and you'd do it with fire in your eyes." She tilted her head and said, "But you're not…you're not stupid enough to let anyone rape you, you'd fight them off, you'd get away and make them sorry they even thought about it."

Olivia sat next to Kathy. "This is not your fault, you know that. I wouldn't…fighting is the worst thing you can do, if the attacker has a weapon, Kathy. Not fighting is what kept you alive."

Kathy sniffled, keeping the tears away. She shook her head and said, "No, you…you wouldn't have just let it happen. You would have…"

"She's a lot stronger than you," Elliot interrupted. "Physically, I mean. Not to mention she carries her gun wherever she goes, and when you piss her off enough she could take down Hulk Hogan."

Kathy nodded. "That's what I mean, Elliot." She blinked, fighting the urge to cry. "She's…she's so much…I just wish I…"

"Breathe," Olivia said. "Breathe, Kathy.'

Kathy nodded. She got off of the couch and said, "I'm gonna go wash my face. I…I'll be out of your hair in a few minutes."

Elliot nodded, and as soon as Kathy was in the bathroom with the closed door, he looked at Olivia. "Honey, I think you've got a fan."

Olivia slapped him in the thigh, since he was standing. "This is not what we need right now," she said. "She…her hair…I…"

"She admires you," Elliot said, brushing her back with his hand. "I can't blame her. I know a lot of people who chose you as their idol, three of them are upstairs."

She laughed and got to her feet. She let him pull her into a hug and she nuzzled into his chest. "You're too good to me. And I love that you're acting like you're not creeped out right now."

"My ex-wife cut and dyed her hair to look like my current wife," he said, looking at her. "It's fucking creepy."

She chuckled as she kissed him, and when the kids came down the stairs, she said, "Tell Kathy I said goodbye. I'm gonna go change." She ran a hand through her own hair as she moved toward the bedroom, biting her lip.

She made sure she closed the door behind her, fished around in her drawer, and pulled out the pill bottle. She sighed and closed her eyes as she opened it, and she inhaled sharply as she dropped one into her hands. She tossed it back and instantly felt guilty.

She changed quickly, threw the pills back into the drawer, and walked back out into the living room. She promised him she would stop taking them, but after the shock of seeing Kathy, knowing what it all meant, and finding herself suddenly married made her heart rate quicken. She had to stop it before it started, she didn't want to have a panic attack, not tonight.

She walked back toward Elliot with a small smile on her face, and she was relieved to find out Kathy had left. She kissed him, and promised herself she'd get rid of the pills tomorrow.

She wouldn't have to, though, since someone in the house would beat her to it.

**A/N: Kathy's trial. The return of Sandoval, and he's not happy. A visit from one of Munch's ex-wives, who gives Olivia some advice, and Cragen makes a really important decision. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: "Always keep your eyes open, in every moment. For if you close them, you will miss the most obvious of signs."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

Looking in the mirror, she blinked slowly. She couldn't believe what she'd just done. She tugged on the grey sweatshirt, pulling it over the tops of her hips, and she sighed. She made the mistake of looking down, catching a glimpse of the ring on her left hand, and the memory of the night before rushed back. She took a deep breath, and when it wouldn't help, she moved to the dresser. She opened the drawer, and then the panicking grew more fervent.

"Looking for something?" a voice from the bathroom doorway asked.

In lieu of an answer, he watched her searching more frantically, her breath coming in shorter gasps, her eyes widening.

"Liv," he breathed, walking quickly to her. He spun her around and brushed her hair back. "Baby, breathe," he said softly, running his hands over her head and face, and through her hair. "Breathe."

She was clutching his wrists, trying to do what he asked, trying to take slow, deep breaths. She shook her head though, and dropped into his chest.

He pulled her close, wrapped her tightly in his arms, and asked, "What happened?"

Through harsh pants, she said, "I don't know."

His eyes slid shut as worry ran through him, his arms tightened around him, and he said, "It's okay. Baby, you're okay."

She nodded, but she didn't believe him. She gripped his shirt tighter and asked, "What did you do with them?"

"Flushed 'em," he answered. "We're getting you through this, over this, without them. You need something to calm you down, you use me, got it?"

She pushed off of him for a moment as she bit her lip and nodded. She took another deep breath, feeling her heart rate slow, and she said, "Got it."

He kissed her forehead and said, "I'm scared, too, ya know. Of everything you're afraid of. But, ya know what? We're in this together now. Whatever you need me to do, I…"

"I wanna go see Munch," she said, looking into his eyes.

"You really think that's a good idea?" he asked.

She nodded. "I need to see my mom, too, while I'm there," she said, taking another breath. "There's something I have to do, El."

"Okay," he told her. "We've got some time before work, so…let's go." He kissed her and said, in a soft and loving voice, "I love your hair, by the way."

She chuckled, grabbed her badge and gun, and followed him out of the room. They shouted to the kids, said their goodbyes and I-love-yous, and walked out.

* * *

The drive toward the cemetery was silent, but once the car was parked and they got out, Olivia seemed more lively. Ironic, that she seemed happier in a pace known for its gloom.

She walked toward her mother's headstone first, she bent down and picked up a small stone. She got to her feet, let out a sigh, and placed the rock on the top of the headstone. "Hi, Mom," she whispered. "You, uh, you remember Elliot, right? Well…you were wrong. You were wrong about him, and he's…I married him, Mom. So, you were wrong about me, too. I'm not alone, and I'm not gonna end up like you. You always told me that I would always be too afraid to go after what I wanted, but in the last few months, I've been afraid of not doing that."

Elliot smiled at her words, and he reached for her hand.

"I know, now, that's why you were always so angry. You never got to go after the things you really wanted because you were stuck with me." She took another breath, and she ran a finger over the top of the headstone. "Thank you for sacrificing everything you wanted for me, even though you…didn't exactly deal with it afterward. You did the best you could do with what you had, I know that. I wanted you to know…I forgive you." She sniffled, trying not cry.

Elliot pulled her into him, let her drop her head onto his shoulder, and he kissed her forehead.

"I had to do this, El. Before it was too late, before I let it eat away at me anymore," she told him.

"I know, baby," he whispered, kissing her again. "I'm sure, wherever she is, she's relieved that you do forgive her, and that you're happy. You're making yourself happy."

She nodded, said a silent goodbye to her mother, and pulled Elliot toward the other side of the cemetery. They came to a stop at Munch's grave, and they weren't alone.

"Excuse me," Elliot said, getting the woman's attention.

The woman turned around, and she smiled. "Elliot," she said. "And you're Olivia, right? John had a picture of the two of you on the mantle. He loved…he loved the both of you, very much."

Feeling a sharp sting in his chest, Elliot cleared his throat. "We loved him, too," he said. "Just…um, who are you?"

"I'm Hannah. His wife. Well, ex-wife. His last one," the woman said, laughing a bit. "He was always changing his mind about whether or not he wanted to be married," she joked.

"Hannah," Elliot said. "Yeah, he…he talked about you a lot. He always said you were his soul-mate."

Hannah scoffed. "He said that about every girl he married," she said. "He also said that he believed you two were soul-mates. He thought you were so in love with each other, and he wanted you together, so badly."

"Well, he'd be happy to know that he was right," Olivia said with a soft grin. "We're…"

"We, uh, we got married yesterday," Elliot interrupted.

Hannah's eyes widened. "Wow," she said. "He'd be thrilled. No, ya know what? He is thrilled. I believe he was watching it happen, taking a hundred bucks from Kennedy and Elvis because he won some kind of bet."

Olivia laughed, Elliot chuckled. "Yeah," Elliot said, nodding. "That sounds like Munch."

Hannah sighed, and she looked at Olivia. "This is your first marriage, right? He's your first husband?"

"I don't plan on having a second of either, but yes," Olivia answered, smirking.

"You want some advice?" Hannah asked, not waiting for an answer before speaking again. "Never let a single day or night go by without telling him you love him. Never be afraid to argue, be making up is the best part of the fight. Never be afraid to let your guard down, because he's the one who is supposed to build it back up for you. Don't let your fears or insecurities get in the way of you living your life with him. And live each day with him like you're going to die tomorrow, I know John would not want you to regret a single thing."

Olivia took a breath, and she nodded. "That won't be hard." It was, though. It was what she was trying to do all along, but now she knew it needed to be done.

Hannah gave her a smile. "It was difficult for me," she said. "I was so stubborn, so self-righteous, and I would wait until he said it first before telling him how I felt. He died believing I no longer loved him, but that wasn't true. I was just too thick-headed to tell him that and I regret it every day."

Elliot squeezed Olivia's hand, and looked at her for a moment.

She looked at him and she said, "I promise, I won't let that happen."

He kissed her forehead, as Hannah watched with a grin, and said, "I know you won't, honey."

Hannah smiled at them again, then turned toward the gates. "I have to go, but it was nice meeting you in person, I know we didn't get the chance to talk much at the funeral."

"It was nice to meet you, too, Hannah," Elliot said. "Thank you for…thank you."

Hannah nodded, turned, and she left, leaving Olivia and Elliot alone with Munch. Olivia looked down at the headstone, smirked, and said, "You did it again, you son of a bitch. You always know when I need a smack in the ass, don't you?"

A breeze swept over them, and Olivia took a deep breath, thinking that was his way of saying yes. Elliot dropped a kiss to her lips, said a soft thank you to his friend, and led Olivia toward the gates so they wouldn't be late for work.

* * *

Walking into the squad room, they knew something had changed, something was different. "Uh, what the hell happened in here?"

"Cragen's on a kick," Fin said, rolling his eyes. "He wants everything high-tech and revolutionized."

"So that means new desks? Separate desks," Olivia said, looking at the shiny metal abomination that was now several feet away from Elliot's.

Fin shrugged. "I just think they didn't move 'em yet," he said. "I still have look at that jackass's face every goddamned minute."

Breslin grinned. "Oh, shove it, Fin. You know you think I'm pretty."

Fin shot a finger at his partner and chuckled. "Nice new look, Baby-Girl. Nice color on you," he said.

"Thanks," Olivia said, smiling. "I needed a change, ya know?"

Elliot chuckled, knowing the real reason behind the lighter, redder locks. "Oh, uh, watch how you talk to my wife, there, buddy."

"Wife?" Fin said, surprised. "You went through with it? Congrats, man," he said. He stood up, shook his hand, then helped Elliot move his desk back to where it belonged: pressed up against Olivia's.

"What the hell is that?" Olivia asked, looking at the side of the room.

"That is a state-of-the-art, fully functional, computerized evidence log. Photos, documents, anything that you can access from the computer, it all gets digitally placed on that screen, and you control everything with the keyboard and mouse. There's a scanner, too."

Elliot folded his arms. "The city approved the budget for this?"

"No," Cragen said, coming out of his office fully. "We got the money from Munch. He left it to us, to make the unit better. Why are those desks moved?"

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Because that's where they belong, Cap. You know it," he said, sounding almost threatening.

Cragen sighed, shook his head, and tried to be heard over the drilling and other construction. "Okay, you need to get her out of here."

"What?" Elliot asked, stunned. "Why?"

"Sandoval is coming up here with his attorney, and he can't see..."

"Olivia?" a voice from the doorway called. "Damn, you look good. I love the hair! How are you feeling?" he asked. "I thought, after what happened, you'd have a hard time..." he stopped, noticing her hand. "You...you actually got married? After everything we had? After what I did to prove that you belong with me?"

Elliot clenched his teeth, trying to control his anger. "You got the wrong girl," he hissed.

Sandoval's face dropped, then tightened. His eyes narrowed. "No," he said. "No way. I could have sworn...she smelled like you. She fought like you!"

"Stop talking, Mike," his lawyer warned.

"Who the hell did I get?" he asked, loud and harsh.

Fin smirked. "Sounds like a confession to me," he said, standing. He looked at Breslin, and they walked with the lawyer and Sandoval into the interrogation room.

Cragen looked at Olivia and Elliot, his eyes flickering in either anger or defeat. "Learn how to use that computer," he said. "Elliot, you're the highest ranking detective I've got in here now, so if anyone comes asking any questions, they're directed to you and your partner."

"Wife," Elliot said, a hint of arrogance and venom in the smirk he gave.

"As long as she's here, she's just your partner," Cragen said, returning the glare. "Get to work. Your next case is on her desk."

Olivia folded her arms. "I'm right here, ya know."

Cragen ignored her, then turned and headed to his office, his eyes squeezed shut. If he treated them like employees, and nothing more, this would be easier for him.

Olivia scoffed and shook her head, then walked over to her desk. "Oh, great," she moaned, picking up the assignment slip.

"Kids?" he asked, knowing the tone in her voice.

She nodded. "Kids," she said, folding the paper. "Fifty-Fifth street, a laundromat."

"Laundromat?" Elliot asked, pressing a hand at the small of her back to lead her out.

Cragen, watching them as he always did, sighed and ran a hand down his face. He was making the most of the moment, hoping things would work out, and hoping they would handle the case together the way they always have. This was a test, in his eyes, and he hoped they passed.

**A/N: Do they pass? And a chat between Elliot and Kathy leaves Olivia surprised, and concerned. And is Olivia still stuck? Or has she finally calmed down? A spontaneous move will tell! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: "Some people look at the big picture to determine happiness, while others derive happiness from even the smallest of moments."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

"Is she okay?" Cragen asked, looking at Elliot. Olivia had come back from the scene quiet, poured herself a cup of coffee, and started fiddling with the new computer system.

"Why don't you ask her?" Elliot returned.

Cragen folded his arms. "I'm asking you," he said. "Is she okay?"

Elliot ran a hand down his face. "She just saw two seven year old girls, left in a dryer in a laundromat, dead and broken. She's fine, though. It's all part of the job, right?"

"Yeah, actually, it is," Cragen said. "If she can't handle this…"

"She's handling it," Elliot interrupted. "She knows how to do her job, and she's fucking good at it, so stop trying to find a reason to get her to quit."

Cragen narrowed his eyes. "That's not what I'm doing."

"Moving the desks, ignoring her, sending her on one of the most horrendous calls we've had all year because you want to see if she's emotionally stable. Not to mention you've been completely against our personal relationship and you're trying to split us up at work, that's not what you're doing?"

Cragen shook his head. "Get back to work," he hissed. "You two have a killer to find."

Elliot scoffed, then walked over to Olivia. "You figure this thing out?"

She hummed and gave him a curt nod. "It's not that hard," she said. "She clicked a button on the keyboard and the girls' pictures popped up. She cringed a bit, but she said, "They went to different schools, they lived in different boroughs, the only thing they had in common was their doctor."

"Then we start with him," Elliot said, taking the mug out of her hands and taking a sip of her coffee.

She laughed at him and rolled her eyes, then she asked, "Are you okay?"

"Not really." He shook his head and handed her the coffee. "Cragen thinks you're taking this harder than I am, he actually asked if you were okay, completely ignoring the fact that I can't stop shaking."

She looked back at the monitor, looked at the pictures of the girls and said, "He should know by now. He should know we're on the same wavelength and we're always okay, with each other. I'm not a mother but…"

"Yes, you are," he whispered. "You are now." He shook his head and he asked, "What's the doctor's name? We should check him out."

She smirked. "I already did that," she said, tapping a few more keys. "Doctor Henry Brookson. Lead pediatrician at Grove Medical Center in…"

"Queens, I know," he said. "We took Maureen there when she had the chickenpox. I don't remember that guy, though."

Olivia smirked. "Because he's only worked there for five years," she said. "He was let go from his last position, chief of staff cited insubordination as the reason. He cost them a lot of money, though. Hospital lost over a million dollars every year he was employed."

Elliot grinned. "Let's go find out why, huh?"

She nodded at him, then they walked out of the squad room again, hoping to concentrate on the case.

* * *

They walked into their large apartment at almost eleven thirty, and Olivia yawned as she took off her jacket. "I need a shower. I have never felt so dirty."

He smirked, putting his jacket on the hook and turning toward her. "I can make you feel even dirtier." He growled and nipped at her bottom lip, and he began to pull her toward the bathroom, but he stopped when he heard someone clearing their throat.

"I'm clearly interrupting something," the woman said.

Elliot pulled away from Olivia to turn around, and he almost choked. "Kathy?"

"Maureen let me in," she said. "I…I have to talk to you, Elliot."

Elliot squinted. It didn't even look like his ex-wife anymore. The darker hair was now shorter, and she looked like she had a tan, it was clear she was trying to emulate Olivia. "About what? It's almost midnight!"

"It won't take long," Kathy said. Then she looked at Olivia. "Did you dye your hair?"

"No," Olivia answered, shaking her head. She kissed Elliot quickly and jetted into the bathroom.

He chuckled at her strong desire to avoid Kathy, and he sighed, turning back around. "Make it fast," he said. "I'm tired."

Kathy moved toward him, her eyes shining. "I've changed Elliot," she said. "Am I the woman you want, now?"

"What?" Elliot asked, his own eyes narrow and questioning. "Kathy, no."

"I'm more like her, now," Kathy said. "I'm stronger, and I'm just as damaged. You and the kids, El, you don't need her anymore. You have me."

Elliot pushed her back. "Look, Kathy, you're obviously going through some kind of post-traumatic breakdown, here. You need to stop, right now."

Kathy shook her head and smiled. "I will always be grateful to her, for getting me through the roughest time of my life, and for taking care of you and the kids when I couldn't, but she changed me. I'm better now, and I'm…"

"Kathy," Elliot said, his voice dropping, "I really don't want to have to force you to…"

"You wouldn't have to force me to do anything," Kathy interrupted with a smirk. "But you are more than welcome to get forceful if you need to."

Elliot grabbed her by the arm, and pulled her toward the door. "Kathy," he said, "I'm not going to be with you, just because you went tanning and dyed your hair."

Kathy looked at him strangely. "That's not all that's different, El. I'm stronger, emotionally and physically, and…"

"Did you just call me…you don't call me that," he said, shaking his head. "Kathy, stop tying to be like Olivia!"

Kathy laughed. "But that's what you want, and it's what I want," she said. "Who wouldn't want to be like her?"

Elliot shook his head. "I'm thrilled you like her, I am. And I'm happy that she helped you, and you look p to her, but I don't want to be with someone like her, I want to be with her. I am with her. I married her, and I'm happy with her, and you need to go home and get some sleep. You've got trial prep in the morning."

"With Olivia?" Kathy asked, hopeful.

"Yeah," he said, opening the door. He watched Kathy leave, and he saw something dark and dangerous in her eyes. "Don't even think about it," he threatened.

Kathy smirked at him. "Ya know what they say," she said, walking down the steps and looking over her shoulder. "The object of your obsession is often the ultimate goal." She winked at him and disappeared in the night.

"Did she just imply that she was gonna hit on me tomorrow?" Olivia's voice questioned from the bathroom doorway.

He shut the door and turned around, then he said, "I'm gonna be there with you. I'm not letting her do this. I know what she's doing and…she needs help."

She sighed, nodding. "Hero worship," she said. "Happens after a traumatic experience, I know."

He sighed, ran a hand down his face, and he walked toward her. "You're still dry," he said, brushing his fingers over her face.

She smiled. "I was waiting for you." She took his hand and pulled him into the bathroom, and she said, "Did you notice anything?"

He raised an eyebrow, ran a hand up her body, under her robe, and said, "You shaved?"

"Waxed," she corrected, "But not that, no." She laughed as he untied the silk and let the fabric fall to the floor.

He grinned, then, as his hand grazed over her tattoo, and he let out a low, appreciative moan. "You're the most beautiful woman in the world," he said, kissing her neck.

"Well, thanks for noticing, but not that either," she said. And then she moaned, dragging her nails down his chest, letting him maneuver out of his clothes.

He dropped his pants, then pushed her toward the curtain. "You didn't panic, not once," he whispered, shoving the curtain aside.

She stepped backward, over the edge of the tub and into the hot spray of the water. "Nope," she said, pulling him close to her. She ran her fingers over his tattoo, as he had done to hers, and she said, "I had no reason to, because I knew you were right there, and you weren't gonna let anything happen."

"Good girl," he whispered, kissing her as the hot water poured over them.

"I need to be there, to watch your back, and I can't do that if I'm terrified all the time," she told him, her lips trailing over the inked image of their badges on his left side. "This is us," she said. "Tough, strong, and bound together. For life."

He tilted his head. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours," he asked. "Something's got your gears cranking."  
She chuckled and said, "Nothing. I just…I'm letting go. I should have, a long time ago. How can we live in the moment, like we promised, if I'm scared to death of what the moment's gonna bring."

"There's my little bad-ass," he said, reaching for the lavender-vanilla shampoo on the shelf. He loved it, it smelled like her, and he took a deep breath as he squirted it into his hand. "I, uh, I'm glad you're ready to face the world with renegade eyes, because I have something I wanna do, and I need you to be completely ready."

She looked up at him, her eyes bright and sparkling, and she said, "Well, what is it, you adrenaline junkie husband of mine?" She laughed, "That sounds so weird."

He chuckled. "It sounds amazing," he said, scrubbing her scalp and moaning as the scent wafted up to him. "I think it's gonna be the most adventurous thing you've ever done."

"Base-jumping?" she questioned, dipping her head back so he could rinse her hair.

"No," he said, kissing her neck. He nibbled on her earlobe, and he whispered, "Having a baby."

**A/N: How does she respond? Is she ready? And what happens in trial prep with Kathy? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 **


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: "There are moments in like that we'd rather forget, and moments that are unforgettable."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. Story you're reading belongs to TStabler© **

"So I just sit there, and I answer their questions," Kathy said, her hands resting on the cold wood of the witness stand.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah," she said. "All of them, Kathy. You can't ignore or disregard any of them. You have to answer everything, do you understand that?"

Kathy turned, looked at her, and said, "Yes. Of course, I do. Why? You think I'm gonna lie, or..."

Olivia interrupted. "No, Kathy, I'm just warning you. They're gonna bring up a lot of things that you might not want to talk about. The rape, your relationship with your rapist, your relationship with Elliot, your past sexual..."

"Why would they do that?" Kathy asked, stepping closer to Olivia.

"They're gonna make it seem as though you had some kind of obsession with rape, because you were married to a sex crimes detective," Olivia said. "I've seen it happen, Kathy. They're gonna make the jury believe that you wanted it, and you called the cops because you knew it would be Elliot's case. They're gonna ask about life with him, if you've ever..."

Kathy grabbed Olivia's hand. "Never," she said, looking into her eyes. "I would never do something like that, Liv. I was attacked, and the hospital called the police, not me. As for my life with Elliot, let's just say my attacker got father than Elliot had in months."

Olivia cleared her throat. "That's what you have to tell them, then," she said. "You have to stay calm, and you have to answer any question the defense attorney asks you, without hesitation or argument, honestly."

"That's what I intend to do," Kathy said, nodding once. She tilted her head, then, and said, "Have you ever been attacked? Raped?"

Olivia was taken aback by the question. "No," she said. "I've come close, though. A lot of the bastards we go after think they're indestructible, they try to get at me, but I..."

"Fight them off," Kathy said. "Like you tell your victims not to do, that's hypocrit..."

"I was going to say I have a partner who gets the guy off of me, and yeah, I fought, but that's because I have a gun, Kathy," Olivia told her. "I know better than anyone that it's a really stupid move to start fighting if you're unarmed and weaker than the man on top of you." She bit her lip and shook her head. "Everyday, I wonder what it would have been like for her if my mother had a knife, or a gun, or knew Karate or something, if she..."

Kathy stopped her. "She wouldn't have had you," she said. "And hundreds of people wouldn't have their advocate, their fighter, or the amazing friend that you are."

Olivia scoffed. "You sound like Elliot," she said. "He's always trying to convince me that things happen for a reason, that I'm here to save the world, make it better, but I don't..."

"He's right," Kathy said, cutting her off again. "You are here for a reason, and you are making the world better. Liv, you're like this bright, glowing heroine in a world of darkness, helping others find their way back to the light. You're brilliant and brave, and you have the biggest heart I've ever known, and you're...well, you're beautiful. That helps, ya know."

Olivia blinked, not believing that Kathy, someone she'd always been at odds with, was saying these things. "Kathy, I'm none of that, I'm just...I'm just me."

"And you are everything I'm not, everything I never was and never could be, no matter how hard I try," Kathy said softly. "That's why he fell in love with you, and that's why he was so afraid of you. You scared the shit out of him, Liv, you made him feel alive and feel something real for the first time in his life and he was terrified of it." She sniffled, trying not to cry. "I hated you for it, for taking him from me, for making him want you so damn much, but...but when you came to help me, and you didn't let who I was or what I'd done to you affect how you treated me...it all made sense."

Olivia shook her head. "Kathy, I never..."

"I know, he told me everything," Kathy said, her fingers toying with Olivia's. "He told me you just wanted to tell him and let him go, that you tried to make sure he'd stay with me, with his kids, that you never wanted to break us up. Now I know that being with you is the best thing for him, it's the best thing for the kids, it's...it's best for me," she said, her voice shaking. "I don't know if it's because you've been so great to me lately, because you've been taking care of Elliot and my kids for me, but I...I tried to kiss him last night. I tried to get him to come back, but it wasn't because I wanted him. Olivia, it was because you have him, and you love him, and...if you were apart, even for a moment, then I could...I would have the guts to..."

"Kathy," Olivia began, "Don't do this. You don't love me, you couldn't possibly. You're confused, and you think that I saved you, but I didn't. I was just...I was trying to be there for you, and I'm glad I could be, but...what you're feeling isn't real."

Kathy sniffled, and she blinked, a tear rolled down her cheek. "It's the most real thing I've ever felt," she whispered. "I look at you and my heart breaks, and I feel like with you near me I can do anything. I can take on the world if I have to, if you're there. You have given me more strength, more reassurance, and more hope than anyone ever has. How can you tell me I don't really love you, Olivia?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "Kathy, you're going through..."

"Post-traumatic stress, a psychotic dissociative break, hero-worship, a reaction to a sympathetic defender," Kathy listed. "The psychiatrist told me all of that, but I don't believe him. I can't help what I feel, and I'm not sorry about it." She wiped her eyes and sniffled again. "I'm not gonna try anything, Liv. I know you don't return any of these feelings, and I know that the only person in the world that matters to you in that way is Elliot. I'm not expecting anything out of this, and I'm not gonna get in the way of the two of you. I want you, Liv, but more than that, I want you to be happy. You're happy with him, aren't you?"

"Very," Olivia said quickly. "I…thank you for respecting that," she said, unsure of what else to say.

Kathy smiled at her. "Elliot always told me that you were going to make some lucky guy very happy one day, and that you were going to be an amazing mother." She sniffled again, wiping away the last of her tears. "He was right. I'm happy that he's the man you're making so happy, and you're going to be an incredible mother."

Olivia offered her a smile, and she said, "Thank you, Kathy." Her eyes widened a bit when Kathy's arms wrapped around her, giving her a hug, but she did the only thing she could do. She sighed, closed her eyes, and hugged back.

Elliot, in the back of the court room by the door, shook his head. He'd heard everything, and though he was irritated and confused, he was happy. Kathy understood, and had vowed to stay out of their personal business, and that gave him an overwhelming sense of relief. "We have to go, guys," he said, nodding at the girls.

Kathy turned her head, she'd forgotten he was there, and she nodded, getting off of the bench. She walked toward him, then passed him, and out into the hallway of the courthouse.

Olivia took a breath and rose as well, walking over to Elliot. "That was weird," she said, shaking her head.

"That was beautiful," he whispered to her. He kissed her lips softly, then held the door open for her. He followed her out, and they walked with Kathy toward her lawyer's office, taking the next step toward ending this case.

* * *

"You okay?" Elliot asked across the table at the small diner they'd gone to after work.

Olivia blinked, looking up from staring into her glass. "Yeah," she said. "Just…very tired."

"Kathy getting to you?" he asked, smirking, sipping his soda.

She shook her head. "No, I'm over that, I know it's purely psychological and she'll get over it," she said.

"Then what's up?" he asked. "You've looked like you were sleepwalking all day, you've been quiet, you look…"

"You really want a baby?" she asked, bluntly. "With me?"

He leaned over the table and took her hand. "More than anything," he said. "Is that what's got you so twisted up?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "I don't know what kind of mother I'm gonna be, El, I just know that I've always wanted kids. A ton of them. You already have…"

"However many we have," he interrupted. "One or ten, Liv, I don't care. I'm too wrapped up in my life with you, living the way we want, making decisions that we want to make, making ourselves happy, to care about something stupid like having too many kids." He laughed. "There's really no such thing."

She gave him a small chuckled and a tiny smile. "You're funny," she said. She looked at him, and without saying anything at all, she pulled a small, round foil packet out of her pocket. She held it up.

"What's that?" he asked, looking at it. "Your birth con…"

"Yeah," she cut in, nodding. "I took the last one a week ago, and we got so wrapped up Kathy's case, and other things at work, and taking care of the kids, and each other that I completely forgot to call my doctor."

Elliot grinned. "So you could already be…"

"I could," she said with a shrug. "But this is my way of telling you that…I'm not refilling the scrip. You want a baby, El, let's have a baby."

He laughed, his eyes lit up, and he leaped over the table and sat beside her on her side of the booth. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her, holding her close and running his hands down the length of her body.

She laughed against his lips and said a garbled, "I didn't mean right here!"

He chuckled as he pulled away from her and he pecked the end of her nose. "You don't know how happy you just made me."

She nodded. "I do," she said. "I'm happy, too, El. Screw everyone else, right?"

"Damn right," he whispered, kissing her again.

"Um, excuse me," the waiter's voice interrupted their moment as he put their food down. "Detectives, this has already been paid for, so you can feel free to leave when you're done."

Elliot furrowed his brow. "Who paid for this?" he asked, confused.

"He told me not to tell you," the waiter said. "He's one hell of a tipper, though. Have a good night, Detectives."

"Thanks, Sam," Olivia said, watching the young man walk away. She looked at Elliot and tilted her head. "Can this day get any weirder?"

Elliot bit into a fry and nodded. "We could go home and find out the kids have all finished their homework, cleaned their rooms, and are in bed already."

Olivia chuckled, stealing one of Elliot's fries. She chewed it and kissed him, and the man who had paid for their dinner looked on, watching them. He grinned and he left the restaurant, hoping when they found out who he was, and what he was doing, they'd forgive him.

**A/N: Who is it? Kathy's trial, and a moment with Munch? Next. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: "Moments are made up of several milliseconds of unforgettability."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. Tstabler © own this story.**

Olivia stood at the computer, pushing buttons and clicking the mouse. She had been edgy all morning, grumbling about how impossible it was to get anything done without Elliot contradicting her, looking over her shoulder, teasing her, or just being there. She cursed under her breath and clicked the mouse again.

"You okay, over there, Benson?" Breslin asked, smirking.

"Isn't technology supposed to make life easier?" she asked, banging her fist on the side of the large monitor. "Stupid thing's stuck."

"Frozen," Breslin said, chuckling.

Olivia glared at him. "No, computer's get frozen. This monstrosity got stuck, and I've tried every trick I know to get it going again. It won't turn off, it won't restart, it's...fucking stuck."

Breslin walked over and looked at the screen. "Odd that it's stuck on this, though." He jiggled the mouse and shook the wires.

"That's what's got me so pissed," Olivia said.

Cragen looked at her, then at the computer's large screen. "Munch just wants to be part of the investigation," he said, sighing. He gazed at it, his eyes burning as he stared at the photo of John Munch in his uniform. It was the photo the facial recognition had gotten stuck on as it tried to match images to a security camera still of their current perp. "Use your computer."

Olivia sighed, walked over to her desk, and she sat in front of the computer, pulling up the program and uploading the photo, attempting to run the search on her own. "Munch never would have let you...forget it."

"What?" Cragen asked, his voice harsh as his head snapped from the screen to Olivia. "You got something to say, Benson?"

Olivia looked at Cragen. "Munch never would have let you suspend Elliot. He would have fought with you, just like I did, and he would have made you see that it was mistake."

"Well, Munch isn't here," Cragen hissed. "Neither is Elliot. Prove you can do this job by yourself!"

Olivia's eyes widened. "Is that what this is?" she asked, her breath hitching.

Cragen was saved from answering her as Olivia's computer bleeped loudly. "Got a hit!" Breslin yelled.

Olivia turned around, looked at the picture, and huffed. "Son of a bitch." She grabbed her jacket and looked at Fin. "Let's go."

Fin was up in seconds. "Where?" he asked.

"Hack Bureau," she said, running out of the room, "The guy's a taxi driver!"

Cragen watched them leave, and then he sighed, shaking his head. He turned, feeling drawn to the computer screen. "You," he said, looking at Munch's picture. "You think I made a mistake, don't you? You think I need to just let them do their jobs, stay out of it. Am I right?"

The computer gave a quiet whirr, and the pictures started to move again. The machine bleeped, and the words "match found" flashed in red.

Cragen chuckled, looked up and pointed Heavenward. "You're still a smartass." He shook his head, walking back into his office, leaving Breslin alone and confused.

* * *

Elliot ran in, through the sliding glass doors, his eyes searching for the person who had called him as his chest heaved. "Fin!"

Fin looked at him wide-eyed, and held up both hands. "Stabler," he said, "Man, I didn't..."

"Where is she?" he yelled.

"Elliot," her voice, from the other side of the room, called to him.

He turned, his head snapping. He ran to her and pulled her into his arms. She seethed and he let go. "Sorry! I'm sorry, I just...what happened?"

She sighed and twisted, her sprained wrist cracking a bit. "Nothing. Calm down."

"Liv, I...just...what happened?" he asked, still breathing hard.

"I was so used to you being right there, I..." she paused, then said, "I went after the guy, tackled him, had him down, went to cuff him and I got up. I'm so used to you...well, he elbowed me and there was ice. I'm fine, though. Really. I got him, I just..."

"You were used to me grabbing him while you were still on him," he said, getting it. "Fin thought you had him, but you moved."

She nodded. "Pretty much," she said. "I'm fine. Why are you so..."

"All Fin said was that I needed to meet him here, you were in the hospital, I thought..." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You're okay."

She nodded, and touched her lips softly to his. "I'm fine." She took another breath and said, "By the way, uh, Cragen lost his wallet. He was calling around all morning, different places, trying to find it."

"Did he?" Elliot asked.

Olivia held his gaze as she said, "It was at the Moondance Diner."

"I'm driving you back to the station," he said, taking her uninjured hand. He led her out, into his car, and he said, "I am gonna have a nice little chat with our captain, and then I think I'm gonna grab a lot of paperwork to do while I'm home."

"You are so bored," she said, laughing.

He chuckled and started the car, but before they got very far, his cell phone rang. "Can you get that? I'm driving," he said, shifting his weight.

She rolled her eyes and eased her hand into his pocket. She flipped open the phone and said, "Benson. You did, he's driving, and with the crackdown he...what? All right, where? Yeah, we'll be there." She hung up and said, "Huang needs to talk to us."

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Reason?"

She looked at him cautiously and said, "It's about Kathy."

* * *

The office was kind of stuffy, cramped. Elliot sat with his hand wrapped in Olivia's, avoiding her ace bandage. "Why are we here?"

George Huang looked at them, looked at their hands, and raised an eyebrow. "I noticed your rings. Enjoying married life?"

"You said this was about Kathy," Olivia said with a smirk. "So don't try to shrink our heads, huh?"

Huang grinned. "Right," he said. "You might have a problem with the case."

Elliot leaned forward. "What?" he asked. "Why?"

"She came in for a session today, and she...I don't feel that she's competent to stand trial," Huang explained. "She was talking to me, telling me the story, just as she would have to tell the jury. She started hyperventilating, she grew distant and combative, and when I asked her to tell me what she was feeling, she snapped. She shut off completely, and after a few minutes of silence she told me she had to go, she said she had a vic at Saint Vincent's."

Elliot looked at Olivia. "Jesus," he said. "She really thinks she's you."

"I am beyond worried, here, Huang," Olivia said, squeezing Elliot's hand despite the pain in her wrist.

"Don't be," Huang said. "You aren't in any kind of danger, Olivia. She exhibiting signs of severe PTSD, and she's gone to a place she feels safe. A place she thinks nothing and no one can hurt her, where her attack never happened because she was too strong." He handed her a signed statement from him to give to the ADA and the judge, and he said, "That place is you."

"Yay," Olivia said, sarcasm clear in her voice. "So without her, we don't have a case, George. Without her testimony, we have to let this asshat walk!"

"I can't let you put her on the stand," Huang said. "Either she'll crack completely and have an emotional breakdown, or she'll think she's you and talk about the arrest, not the attack."

Olivia ran her unwrapped hand down her face. "El," she whispered, shaking her head. "I didn't mean to...shit, I'm so..."

"It'll be okay," he said, leaning over and kissing her forehead. "We have his DNA, we have her statement and her medical report, we've made cases with less."

She looked at him and nodded. "We should get this back to Alex," she said, standing.

He rose, too, but he told her, "Go ahead out to the car. I'll be there in a minute."

"Yeah," she said, nodding.

Elliot watched her walk out of the office, and he looked at George. "How long is it gonna take to snap Kathy out of it?"

Huang looked up at him. "It's hard to say," he said. "It depends on what kind of..."

"How long, Doc?" Elliot interrupted, genuine fear in his eyes.

Huang blinked. "She's...she's dissociating. She needs treatment that I can't provide, Elliot. This kind of behavior merits immediate hospitalization and I doubt she'll sign the forms to..."

"Gimme them," Elliot said, interrupting again.

"What?" Huang asked, stunned.

Elliot took a pen out of his pocket. "I'm not letting Kathy do this. I don't want her near Liv, or my kids, or me, not if she's...if she thinks she's Olivia then...she could hurt somebody, George."

Huang sighed. "You're right. She could take it to far and try to completely take Olivia's place, but you can't..."

"I'm still on the record as her medical proxy," Elliot told him. "I can do this if she's not competent, and you just said she wasn't."

Huang bit his lip, he shook his head, and he opened his drawer. "Here," he said, handing Elliot a three page form. "I'll have someone pick her up in the morning."

Without even reading them, Elliot signed, putting the safety of his family and welfare of his ex-wife first, no matter what the cost.

**A/N: What does it cost them? Elliot's last day home alone becomes something more, something unexpected and risky, and do they convict the guy without Kathy? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: "Some moments we live in fear of forgetting, other's we'd give anything to forget." So sorry I've been neglecting my updates. I've been quite down as of late, and also working on planning a benefit for the JHF, and stuff at work. I'm still sick, but I'm back now. **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler**

"Are you gonna be okay?" Olivia asked, clipping her badge to her hip.

Elliot nodded and yawned. "I'll be fine, baby. Go to work. Kick some ass. Come home early."

"I still think Cragen should let you come back," she said, grabbing her gun out of the locked drawer by the bed. "Kathy's not involved anymore. There's no reason to…"

"It's still a conflict of interest," he interrupted. "Until the case is closed, I'm home, waiting for you." He kissed her lips softly and said, "The kids left for school, so I'm gonna try to get some more sleep. I love you. Be careful, huh?"

She nodded, kissed him again, said, "I love you, too, and I will be."

"Watch your wrist," he reminded her as she left. He shook his head, yawned again, and crawled back into bed. He could sleep in, he thought. He closed his eyes, let out a slow breath, and tried to get back to sleep. But he couldn't. He opened his eyes, feeling funny all of a sudden. His chest tightened and he couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen if he didn't go after her. If he didn't stay with Olivia.

He got out of the bed, ran into the closet and tried to find something to wear, and that's when he heard the door slam. He looked out, walked into the living room, and saw Liv, standing by the door. "What'd you forget?"

She shook her head, ran to him, and threw her arms around him. Her lips slammed into his, forcing him into the wall behind him, and he moaned in surprise.

His arms wrapped around her and bit her bottom lip. He pulled on it a bit, thankful she was in his arms, thankful the feeling of dread was going away.

She pulled back a bit and threw her blazer off, dropping it to the floor. She grunted softly when he moved his hands toward her shirt, pulling it open and yanking it off.

He chuckled when she slipped her hands into the stretchy waistband of his flannel pajama pants, and he gasped when one of her hands took hold of his hardening member.

"Cold, sorry," she said, moving back in to kiss him. She began to move her hand, slowly, and she delighted in his soft moans and whispered words of affection.

"Why," he said, not necessarily a question. Just a word.

She shook her head as he reached up and unhooked her bra. "Dunno," she said between kisses as she continued to stroke him to full hardness and then some. "Just suddenly felt the need to be with you."

He got her bra off and let it fall on top of her shirt, then he moved to her pants, flicking the button open, sliding the zipper down, and shoving them over her hips. "God, Liv," he mumbled. "Baby."

She moaned as he pulled her panties down, too, and pulled her hand out of his pants to shove them off of him.

Naked now, and with her hands off of him, he grabbed her around the waist and flipped her over, kissed his way down her neck and over the tops of her breasts, and then he took a nipple into his mouth.

"El," she whispered, her breathing growing ragged. "Oh, God, El," she whispered.

He let her rosy bud go with a soft popping sound, and he lifted her into his arms, cradling her. He walked her quickly into the bedroom, dropped her onto the bed, and crawled over her. He peppered her neck and chin with kisses, always narrowly missing her lips. He hovered over her for a moment, then, looking down into her eyes. He held her gaze as he pushed into her, kept the eye contact solid as he pulled out, and finally kissed her lips as he pushed in again.

She held him tight, her hips rising and falling as his did, her back arching and dipping in time with the pulsing sensations coursing through her body.

They were both so far gone, they ignored the ringing of their cell phones from the other room, ignoring the calls that would convince them their instincts were right.

* * *

"You never called Cragen," Elliot said, toying with Olivia's hair as she rested on his chest. They were completely spent, having finished, taken a break, and then ravaged each other once more. "He's probably called you about ten times, you know that."

She shook her head. "I don't care," she said. "I needed to be with you. I can't explain it, El, I…"

"I felt the same thing, Liv," he told her, cutting her off. "I was getting dressed, getting ready to follow you when you came back in."

She turned to look up at him and she smirked. "Guess we're just too in tune with each other," she said, giving him a kiss.

He laughed, and he was about to kiss her again when the apartment phone rang. He looked at it, confused. Only a handful of people had that number. He reached out a hand and answered it. "Hello?" He pulled the phone away from his ear when the yelling on the other end got to him. "Calm down! Yeah, she's here! She…she woke up sick. We just…she's sick, Cap, and I was too busy taking care of her to call you. What's the…what?"

Olivia saw his face turn white, and she tilted her head when he turned his to look at her. "Okay, we'll…be right there." He hung up and pushed her off of him gently. "We gotta go."

"What happened?" she asked, sitting up, letting him do the same.

He moved out of the bed and said, "Huang sent people to pick up Kathy, but she wasn't at the house. She's been at the station for the last three hours." He turned, slowly, and said, "In your chair, behind your desk."

"What?" Olivia asked, getting out of the bed, running into the closet, and trying to get dressed. "Did he call Huang?"

Elliot nodded. "Yeah," he said. "That's why we need to get down there. She's telling them she's you, and she's refusing to go with them until she talks to her husband."

"Shit," she spat. They got dressed quickly, rushed to move the scattered clothes out of the living room in case they were still gone with the kids got home, and they drove as fast as they could to the station.

Elliot parked, got Olivia out of the car, and pulled her by the hand toward the building and through the doors. He refused to let her go as they walked up the stairs and into their squad room.

"Elliot!" Kathy said, standing. Then her eyes narrowed. She walked toward them, folding her arms. "Who the hell is…Liv," she said, her voice softening, her eyes glazing over. "Liv, you…what the hell happened? I was home, getting ready for the trial, and then…how did I get here?"

Elliot rested his free hand on her shoulder. "You're not okay, Kath. You've gotta go with the doctor, okay? He's gonna help you."

"I don't need help, Elliot, I need to…we have…court…in a few hours, I shouldn't…"

"Kathy, listen to me," Elliot said, trying to get her to look at him and not at Olivia. "You can't testify. Doctor Huang told you that. There isn't going to be a trial, the bastard that hurt you is at a hearing as we speak, and they're gonna throw him in jail and he's never gonna hurt you again. We told you all of that, and because you can't remember that, or a lot of other things, you need help."

"Liv," Kathy said, her eyes filling with tears. "Liv, I can't…don't let them take me, Liv!"

Olivia felt her own eyes watering. It hurt to watch her break, the way she'd seen so many other women break, right before her eyes. "Kathy, you have to go. You need to get help, you need to be here for your kids, and for…for me. And Elliot. And you can't do that right now."

"You're supposed to save me, Olivia!" Kathy yelled. "You're supposed to…oh, come with me! You have to come with me!" She grabbed Olivia's wrist, gripping tight, almost painfully.

Olivia struggled to get Kathy off of her. "I can't." She shook her head and looked at Kathy, trying to let her see an emotion other than fear. "I can't, Kathy. I have to stay with Elliot and the kids. Someone has to be there to protect them, take care of them for you while you're gone. Right?"

Kathy took a breath. "Yeah," she said. "I…I want you to take care of them for me. Do…do you really think I have to go?"

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I do. You have to let the doctors get you back to the woman I know you are."

Kathy sniffled, and she smiled, and she nodded. "Okay," she said. She took a slow step, then eased her arms around Olivia. "Thank you," she said softly. "For all that you have done for me, and for my family. I'm so lucky to have you."

Elliot raised an eyebrow, and he wanted to challenge her, claim Olivia as his, but Kathy's current state was unstable, and he didn't want to set her off. "So am I," he said, tugging them gently apart. "You have to go now, Kathy."

Kathy nodded, and she turned to look at Huang and the men who'd gone with him to take her to the facility. "How long am I gonna have to be away from my family?" she asked Huang.

George looked at her. "We're gonna try to have to back to your old self as soon as possible, but eve that could be months. But it's what you need, Kathy. I promise you that."

Kathy nodded, and she walked out with the two men in blue scrubs, looking over her shoulder and waving at Olivia.

Olivia, waving back slightly, fell into Elliot's arms and let him hold her the way she knew he wanted to. "What did she do when she got here?" she asked, hoping someone would answer her.

Cragen took the bait. "She walked in, said hi to everyone, sat at your desk and turned on the computer. She answered the phone, using your last name. Benson, not Stabler. She…was convinced she was you."

Breslin shook his head in disbelief. "She was writing an email to you, Elliot. She was planning to leave early, go to your place and have a romantic dinner. I really think if Olivia had shown up by herself, something would have happened."

Huang spoke then, saying, "You were right, Elliot. She's too far gone to come back on her own. I will call you after she's admitted. You'll need to come down and sign…"

"Yeah," Elliot said, nodding. "No problem. Whatever it takes to get her better, and get her over her obsession with Liv. I don't know what worries me more," he said with a low sigh.

"Both should," Huang said. "If you weren't worried about both Olivia and Kathy, I'd have you on my couch." He chuckled and turned, heading for the van that would take Kathy to the center that would help her.

Elliot looked at Cragen and raised an eyebrow. "You still mad at her for not coming in?"

Cragen shook his head. "I have never been more thankful for anything in my life," he said. "I actually had this…this crazy feeling that I had to call and tell her to stay home. When she didn't pick up I…I just let it go."

Olivia and Elliot looked at each other, and then they looked over to Breslin, at Munch's desk. "He's at it again, isn't he?" Elliot asked.

"What'd I do?" Breslin asked, confused.

"Not you," Olivia said, rolling her eyes. "Munch." She turned back to Elliot, kissed him softly, then looked back at Cragen.

The captain sighed. "Go," he said, waving a hand in the air. "Make sure Kathy gets help, go home and spend some time with your kids, and I need you both back here at six in the morning. No questions asked."

Elliot smiled. "You got it, Cap." He took Olivia's hand and left, following the path Huang and Kathy had taken, hoping to finally get his ex-wife out of the moment in which she was trapped.

While there, though, he would find himself trapped in a whole new moment with Olivia.

**A/N: Uh-oh. What? And what do the kids have to say about their mother? And someone has a horrible dream. It's not Olivia. Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: "It only takes a moment to change a lifetime."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. Tstabler © owns this story.**

"It's not that she needs help. That we get," Maureen said, shaking her head. "We know better than anyone that victims of sexual assault have to deal with metal breakdowns all the time. It's just…"

"I think what's got us all confused is why did Mom latch on to Liv and not you, Dad?" Dickie asked, interrupting his oldest sister.

Elliot let his hand linger in the bowl of popcorn on his lap. "I don't know," he said. "Maybe because she…Liv is very good with victims. Especially since it was Kathy, and she…"

"She saw it," Kathleen said, cutting him off. "She saw what we've all seen for years. That spark. That light and life that Liv has. She radiates it toward other people, and it's more powerful when she's helping someone. I think Mom just finally caved and fell for her like we all did a long time ago."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Who are you and what have you done with Kathleen Stabler?"

Kathleen chuckled. "I'm sorry, it took me a while to adjust to everything, but even you have to admit, this was fast."

Elliot sighed. "Not from where I'm sitting," he said. "It took years, and it just…lemme put it this way. When you finally get something you have wanted for so long, you do everything you can to make sure you are never gonna lose it." He tosses a few kernels of popcorn into his mouth and he looked at Olivia. "To everyone else it was fast, to us…it was the longest moment of our lives."

"Still is," Olivia whispered, leaning into him. She met Elliot half-way, as he smiled and kissed her before she could do it first.

"Okay," Maureen said, rolling her eyes. "Less showing, more telling, huh?"

Olivia pulled away from Elliot. "What?" she laughed.

Dickie reached up from the floor and grabbed a handful of popcorn. "We're not used to this," he said. "Seeing Dad happy, seeing our parents cuddling and kissing and being so…annoyingly loving, really. "It just never happened."

"It happened," Lizzie said, her eyes narrowing. "Just not often. Not like…well, not like you two."

"When is that guy gonna call about Mom?" Kathleen asked. She was chewing on some popcorn. "You got home before we did."

Elliot swallowed, kissed Olivia's forehead, and said, "Well, she had to be evaluated, mentally and physically, before they could admit her. They had to run tests, it all takes a few hours." He ran his hand up and down Olivia's shoulder and arm, for some reason he just couldn't stop touching her.

She looked over her shoulder and she tilted her head. She knew what he was feeling. She'd seen it before. Guilt. Overwhelming guilt. She wasn't sure how much of that guilt had anything to do with her, and she didn't want to find out. She pulled away from him slowly, kissed his cheek, and rose off of the couch. "I'll be back in about an hour," she said.

Elliot furrowed his brow. "Where are you going?"

"I need to…I need to clear my head, El," she said with a long sigh, heading into the bedroom. She emerged after a few moments wearing black pants, a fleece pullover, and her sneakers.

Elliot stood, handing the bowl of popcorn to his son, and he stopped her at the door. "What are you doing?"

She rolled her eyes at the word she was about to say, knowing that if she could, she would mean it in more than one way. "Running," she said, reaching for the knob.

He grabbed her hand. "Why?"

She gave him a look. "It's great cardio," she joked. "I need some air, I need to think. Running helps me…"

"Why?" he repeated. His eyes were cold and serious, filled with something she recognized as terror masked by exhaustion.

"Because I…" she glanced toward the kids. "I think you need to spend some time alone with the kids. Deal with this without me around, I know you're holding back what you need to say because you're afraid I'll…"

"That's just stupid," he interrupted. "I can say anything in front of you. Anything."

"Tell me why you're blaming yourself for all of this, then," she challenged, raising an eyebrow.

Elliot caught his breath. "How did you even know I…"

"I know you," she said, looking back at the doorknob. "If you can't answer me…"

He cut her off again. "It has nothing to do with us, if that's what you're thinking. I don't feel the least bit guilty about anything you and I have done, or are planning to do." He held her gaze, telling her he was serious. "I feel guilty because I left you in that room alone with her. If I had been there, if I…I never should have pushed you to talk to her the way I did. You…"

"If I didn't talk to her she'd be worse off," Olivia told him softly. "Neither of us thought she'd listen to me let alone get attached to me the way she did. You would never feel guilty about leaving me alone with another vic like that, El. This happened before, to both of us, it's a reaction to…"

"This is different," he said, shaking his head. "This was Kathy. And you. The two people I vowed to protect. I failed, twice. Don't you get that?"

She cupped his face and now she was the one shaking her head. "It was just a dream," she whispered. "Whatever it was, El, it wasn't real. Let it go." She caressed his cheek, and she whispered, "I can see it in your eyes. I used to have that same look in mine, remember? Don't do this to yourself, El. This is not your…"

He placed his lips lightly over hers, she felt him shaking slightly, and he pulled her tight against him. "Don't leave me alone, Liv. Not yet. Not now."

She ran her hand up and down the nape of his neck, never having seen him so scared. "Okay," she whispered. "Just…just tell me what's wrong."

He shook his head and swayed with her, knowing the kids could see them from the living room, making it look like an impromptu dance. "I don't remember," he whispered. "I just know you were in trouble because of me, and I couldn't save you. I watched you…God, it hurt, and it was awful."

"You beautiful man," she said softly, clutching him tighter. "You're always gonna be right there," she said to him. "You know that."

He nodded and sighed in relief, taking the moment to let the calm sink in. "I just…I was fine, ya know? I had forgotten it, blown it off. But then I got this horrible feeling this morning, and then everything with Kathy…it all felt like a nightmare coming true."

"It's not," she told him. She kissed him slowly, letting their lips and tongues mix and mingle for a while.

His hands smoothed down her body, coming to rest on her bottom, squeezing lightly. She moaned, as did he, and he murmured soft words of love and promises of forever.

She pressed into him, sighing, and she toed off her sneakers. Her run could wait if it meant she'd be staying in his arms. "El," she whispered.

"Hmm," he mumbled against her lips, dragging her back into the living room, where the kids had finally engrossed themselves in a gory movie.

"You, me, and the kids, right?" she said, her voice shaking.

He nodded, refusing to stop kissing her, refusing to let her go. "Always," he said softly, a promise.

"Then let's go," she said, pushing him away from her. "Let's just go. You said you wanted to…"

He grinned. "Really?" he asked, his heart beating rapidly, nervous and excited and aroused beyond belief. "Just pick up and go, just like that?"

She nodded, smiling. "A week," she said. "We could use it."

He kissed her again, this time the anxiety had dissipated. "Before we go," he whispered against her skin, "Come with me."

"Where?" she asked.

"Where this all began," he said, his hands running up and down her back. "Where it really started."

She pulled back from him again, and she smirked. It would be risky, especially now, tonight, but she nodded. She'd always harbored a deep desire to relive that moment, and if he was giving her the chance, she was definitely taking it.

**A/N: What moment? Where does Elliot wanna go? What are the consequences of taking off for a week? Find out, next! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: "When a moment is relived, it's no longer a moment. It's a tradition."**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU ad characters. TStabler**** owns this story, typed on her new, pretty, pink laptop **

"What are we doing here?" Olivia asked, rolling her eyes as Elliot pulled her through the dimly lit and rather empty squad room. She took a quick glance at the oblivious night crew.

"What do you think we're doing?" he asked. He held up a key ring. "I told you."

Olivia's eyes widened. "You were serious," she gasped.

"I still am," he said with a smirk. "Come on." He pulled her by the hand, slid the key into the lock, turned it, and opened the door. "I bet it never even crossed his mind, when he gave me the key, we'd be using his office for this."

She chuckled. "Before you even had the key, El, we…"

"Yeah," he said, taking her into his arms. "My heart was beating so fast that night. Liv, I thought I was losing everything." He pressed his lips to her forehead, his hands slid down to her pants, he gripped her zipper. "I felt like I had to prove myself to you that night, prove I was enough for you."

She kissed him as he pressed into her, backing her up against the wall. The doorknob hit into her back and she moaned a bit, against his lips. "El," she said, "You were always enough for me. I just didn't think, until then, you wanted to be. But I know now."

He nodded as he pulled down the black fabric, his lips skimmed over hers as his fingers teased the lace of her underwear. "This is what life is supposed to be," he said. "I think I finally got my priorities straight."

She nodded, agreeing, though she wasn't sure if he was right. Her priorities had always been everything before herself, until now. She wasn't sure if it was right, but she was happy. She was happy with him. She deserved to be a little selfish, since she was giving him what he wanted, too.

"Liv," he mumbled, sliding the lace and silk in his hands to the side. "You're so damn sexy." He slipped his finger up her folds, heard her moan, felt her slick coat his finger, and he said, "So mine."

She moaned, her head rolled to the side, he pressed her further back and she made a small noise of discomfort. "Knob," she chuckled.

He laughed, pulled her back a bit, and moved her away from the door. He slammed her into the wall and pushed his finger up, into her. "Better?" he asked, hoarse.

She nodded as she groaned, and her hand went down to meet his. "Why here?" she asked. "Tonight?"

"To remind you," he said, kissing her as he added another finger to the working digit driving into her, "That I gave up everything for you, I would do it again. You are it for me. Whatever thoughts you have in your head about me feeling guilty about this happening, right here, the first time, you can forget. If I felt guilty at all, I wouldn't have this aching need to do it again," he explained, his voice breathy.

"You wouldn't," she said, shaking her head. She bit her lip and threw her head back. "El, don't…"

"Don't what?" he asked, dropping his lips to her neck. "Don't use this moment to make you forget that my ex-wife has a thing for you? Don't make you cum so hard you forget your own name? Don't forget to have the cleaning lady wax Cragen's desk?"

She met his eyes, her look hazy and her lids heavy. "Don't stop," she whispered. She grabbed him by his tie, pulled him to her, kissed him, and felt how much he wanted her through his pants.

He groaned into the kiss as he struggled to get free, to drop his pants, to claim her now as he had the very first time, wanting to be stuck in this moment forever.

She rocked into him, feeling his fingers sliding in and out of her, biting his lip as he swiped his thumb over her clit. She whimpered into his mouth and he chuckled, loving that power he had over her.

He finally felt his pants drop and he moved his hand, replacing his fingers with his stiff member, pushing just the tip of himself inside of her, then pulling it out, teasing her. "Wall, desk, chair, or floor?"

"Here," she purred, almost begging. "Now," she said, wrapping one arm around his neck as the other dropped to his lower back. Her right leg moved, crawling up his body, and he caught it with his left hand, drawing it around his back. She felt him nudge, the tip of him pushing in again, her body stretching around him as it always did, and she took a slow breath, really feeling it. "Oh, my God, El," she moaned.

His forehead dropped to hers. "Baby," he whispered, nuzzling her nose with his, sweet Eskimo kisses as he pushed deeper, stretched her wider, "You're always so fucking tight. So fucking wet." He captured her bottom lip between his teeth and moaned when their bones met with a small thump. "Shit," he spat.

She shook a bit, trembling with tension and the first rolling wave of pleasure, and she pressed her lips to his as he pulled out of her all the way, then pushed back in with a grunt. "Tomorrow," he said. "We leave this all behind for a while." He kissed her and moved harder. "A week away from work, and Kathy, and Cragen. Away from everything but what really matters, what we need right now." He let his fingers dig into her leg as he held it, let his body move faster and his moans get louder.

"Oh, God, El," she moaned, her head dropping back again. "How are we gonna…"

"Another reason we're here," he told her. He kissed her and said, "I'm gonna drop off the vacation request form. Put it in a pile on his desk, he'll think he missed it."

She laughed through a moan and knew, then, how serious about this he really was. She only thought about it briefly, though, as her body tightened and his muscular form slammed into her, hard and deep, his lips never leaving hers, his soft voice whispering he loved her over and over, promising forever, promising her this moment would last forever.

* * *

Cragen walked into the squad room the next morning and headed into his office. He noticed Fin and Breslin, but didn't see Elliot or Olivia. He shrugged it off as he sat at the desk, hit the blinking button on his phone, and started sorting through the papers on his desk.

As the important and disturbing message played, he found a form that puzzled him. He finished listening to the recording, then he rose from his desk and walked out into the bullpen. "Where are Benson and Stabler?"

Fin looked up. "Jersey Shore," he said. "They told you about this."

"When?" Cragen asked, annoyed.

"Week ago," Fin said, shaking his head. Elliot owed him for this.

Cragen looked down at the form, then back up at Fin. "Fine," he said, "Then you're calling Huang back."

"Huang?" Fin asked, sitting up straight. "Is there something wrong with Kathy?"

Cragen nodded and sighed. "Yeah," he said. "She's pregnant."

**A/N: Kathy needs to talk to Olivia. Will she come back? And another one of Munch's secrets is revealed, next. I wanted to make this longer, but I have a horrible migraine. :( Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: "Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this." ~ Kelly Clarkson**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters are owned by Dick Wolf. This story is owned by TStabler©**

The sea air was refreshing. The warmth of the sun on her bikini clad body was unlike anything she remembered from her days at the beach in her youth. His fingers toying with the strings on her suit made her very aware that she was not alone, she was being watched, and she was happy about it.

"This is wonderful," he hummed, his thumb scooping through the loop of her tied bikini bottoms. He smirked, pulling lightly. "Really wonderful."

She turned her head, her dark eyes hidden behind her shades. "Did you ever take a week off, bring Kathy and the kids out here for no good reason?"

He shook his head. "I was Mister Responsible, where she was concerned. Bills always just piled up, work came first. Then there was you, so work came first because you came first. Well, the kids were always first, but..."

"I know what you meant," she said. She leaned her head back, the sun hitting her neck, and she moaned. This was the perfect moment.

"God, that's sexy," he mumbled, dropping his head to her neck. His lips grazed over the spot where the warmth had been beating. "So damn sexy," he whispered against her skin, trailing his fingers over the rim of her bikini bottoms. "Can you see the kids?"

She moaned and said, "Clear view, El. Don't even try." She chuckled as he lifted his head, moved his hand, and pouted. "Aw, poor baby," she said, caressing his cheek. "We have all week."

"Tonight," he whispered, kissing her lips. "When they're asleep, we'll come back out here. Baby, I want you on the sand, in the water." He kissed her again, the hunger in his eyes evident.

She laughed and pulled away from him. "Go play in the ocean with your kids. You could use the cooling off," she teased.

He smirked wider and shook his head. "Uh-uh," he refused. "I'm a married father of four, with more coming as soon as possible. The more time alone with you I get, the happier I'll be."

She smiled at him, her light laughter filtering through the short space between them. "I love you, you goofball."

He laughed right back at her. "I love you more, cheeseball." He kissed her, muffling her loud chuckle as he forced her down flat and rolled on top of her, tickling her mercilessly.

"Are you watching them?" Dickie asked, squinting in the sunlight as he splashed his sister.

Maureen looked at him. "I'm actually trying not to. Why?"

"Mo, we're at the beach, in March," Dickie said. "Dad took an entire week off of work, brought us to a house we haven't stayed in since I was six, without planning or caring. I think it's Liv's fault."

Kathleen splashed him from a few feet away. "I don't care whose fault it is. We got a week off of school, Dickwad. We're actually spending some serious time with Dad. And Liv. Whatever she did to him, he's better for it."

Lizzie, quiet until now, tilted her head and asked, "Did you guys notice Dad's got a new tattoo?"

The four kids, knee deep in the ocean, stopped their splashing and their chatter and turned toward the shore. The saw their father roll over, revealing the ink on his side.

Dickie squinted, and he smirked. "Liv's got one, too. It matches."

Maureen slapped him in the head. "Perv, that's your mother."

Dickie's grin faded. "Why did you remind me?" he moaned, dropping further under the water. The girls laughed, all feeling, for the first time in a long while, that this was a moment with their family they wanted to remember.

* * *

The afternoon was easy, calm, and more importantly, fun. They strolled down the boardwalk, had tee-shirts airbrushed with each of their names on the front, and the number of their birth date and "Stabler" on the back.

"Like a team," Dickie pointed out when he suggested it.

Elliot laughed and paid for the lot, then took his family for ice cream, then to the South Pier to go on some rides and play some games.

They walked back to their shore house with armfuls of stuffed animals and bagged treats, climbed the stairs wearily, and headed off in different directions. Dickie yawned and closed himself off in his room. The girls ran into the kitchen to devour what was left of the cotton candy, and Olivia looked at Elliot. "They had a good day," she said, kissing the end of his nose.

"They did," he said, nodding. "So did we, baby." He tilted his head. "Speaking of babies, you, uh, you haven't had…"

"I'm one step ahead of you," she said with a grin. "There's a test in one of my bags. I was gonna take it tomorrow if…"

"Tonight," he said, his eyes glimmering with sheer happiness. "Take it tonight. If you're not, well, we have all week to try harder. If you are, then we have all week to celebrate."

She laughed at him. "There's no downside to this, huh?"

"No way," he said, kissing her. "Why focus on the negative? Life's too short to not see the beauty in everything."

"Hmm, where did you hear that?" she asked, smirking at him.

"This hot brunette I work with," he said, nipping at her ear. "But I'm surprised I remember. We were in the middle of fucking on my boss's desk," he mumbled against her skin.

She rolled her eyes and scratched the nape of his neck. "Nice, El," she chuckled.

"Admit it, baby," he whispered, turning her around and wrapping his arms around her. He whispered right into her ear, his hardness hitting into her lower back. "It was hard, it was rough, it was a bit angry, it was fucking. Nothing but love, baby, but…damn." He buried his head in the crook of her neck and chuckled. "That night was…"

"I know, I was there," she murmured, turning around and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I was there, El," she whispered, squeezing him tighter.

"You were, honey," he said softly. "If you weren't, I wouldn't have been." He kissed her and felt her pull him tighter, then he heard the unwelcome sound of his cell phone. "Damn it," he hissed, kissing her forehead. "What part of vacation don't they understand? That's why I left the phone here when we went out."

Olivia let him out of her arms, and watched as he walked over to the small table and lifted up his cell phone. "Who is it?"

"Cragen," he said, rolling his eyes. "What's up Cap, I…what? No, I put the form on your desk…well, that's not my fault, is it? You should go through your desk more oft…what?"

Olivia saw his eyes widen, his face pale. "El, what? What happened?"

He shook his head, then looked at her, the fear growing. "When? Where? Is she okay? Does she need…all right. Yeah, I guess we'll…we'll be back in the morning." He made a small noise and snapped his phone shut. "Shit."

"What?" Olivia asked, taking a step toward him.

"Kathy," he whispered, pulling her into his arms. He didn't know how to say it, didn't know how she'd handle it. He simply shook his head and said, "We need to go home. She, uh, she needs me to sign some…"

"El," she interrupted, looking up at him. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. "She's…" he was saved from telling her, the ringing of his cell phone. He kissed her quickly, then reached for the device. He flicked it open and said, "Stabler. Hey. Yeah, Cragen told me. She wants to what? Oh, God, all right, but I've got…open the door?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow, then walked over to the front door. She opened it, and was met with Fin and Melinda. Fin slapped his phone shut and said, "Go. We got the kids. Go, and come back, and you'll be fine."

Elliot hung up his phone and looked at his friend. "Fin, man, you're…"

"Yeah, you owe me," Fin laughed. "Go."

"I'll go tell the kids," Elliot said, walking into the kitchen.

Melinda looked at Olivia and smiled. "Do you know yet?"

Olivia shook her head. "Haven't taken the…"

"Know what?" Fin asked.

"Nothing," Melinda said, laughing.

Elliot came back out of the kitchen, grabbed his keys, and said, "Baby, let's go. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can come back and enjoy the rest of the week."

Olivia nodded, running into the kitchen to kiss the girls goodbye. She yelled up to Dickie, who yelled back down, and they were off.

* * *

The ride to the city was long, quiet. She asked him, again, what was wrong, and he, again, couldn't tell her. Talking stopped altogether after that.

He parked the car at the hospital, three hours later, and took her hand with a soft squeeze as he led her through the doors. He sighed and walked up to the desk.

"I'll be right back," Olivia said, kissing his cheek.

"Hurry," he whispered, kissing her again. He watched her walk down the hall, then turned to the triage nurse. "I need to talk to Doctor Ventero."

"Detective Stabler?" the nurse asked. "You don't remember me."

Elliot smiled. "Of course I remember you. How's your mother?"

"Doing much better, thanks to you and Detective Benson," the nurse, the daughter of a victim, said as she picked up the phone. She called the doctor over the loudspeaker, then looked back to Elliot. "Your wife…I'm sorry. It must have been very hard to…"

"She's actually my ex-wife," Elliot interrupted. "But it wasn't easy to watch her…go through it. I see it all the time, and I never thought it would happen to someone close to me. But Liv was there, and she…"

"Detective Benson?" the nurse asked sweetly. "Yeah, she was amazing with my mother, so I assume she was just as wonderful with your…Kathy."

Elliot smiled and nodded. "She was," he said. "Thanks, Georgia."

The nurse nodded, then busied herself with paperwork as they waited for the doctor. Elliot checked his watch, he yawned, and he leaned against the desk. "Come on," he muttered, impatient. He looked down the hall, then, wondering where Olivia was.

"Detective Stabler," a doctor in a white coat, carrying a clipboard, greeted him.

"Please, I'm off duty," Elliot said. "Call me Elliot." He held out his hand and shook the doctor's, a strong greeting.

The doctor sighed and let go of his hand. He checked his watch and said, "I know it's late, but this couldn't wait."

"I understand," Elliot said. "How far along is she? I, mean, I was told what she wants, and why you need my signature, but…"

"That's the thing, Elliot," the doctor said. "She keeps going back and forth, changing her mind. There's two completely coherent people in her head, and when she thinks she's Olivia she refuses to even discuss it. When she comes back, when she's lucid, she breaks down and demands that we get rid of it. She doesn't want her rapist's baby, but part of her knows that…"

"She's Catholic," Elliot said, closing his eyes. "That's why…this is the reason we had Maureen, why we got married. She can't…I think the part of her mind that's stuck, the part that's hiding behind Olivia is trying to keep her focused on that, keep her from going through with it. She thinks Olivia is still protecting her."

The doctor shrugged and made a face. "That may be true, Elliot, but we need an executive decision, here. She's not stable enough to make this kind of choice on her own. I thought talking to Olivia would…well, since she knows what this could do to a woman…"

"I could do what because why?" Olivia asked, looking warily at the doctor, then at Elliot. "What do I know about what could do to a woman?"

Elliot looked at her. "Oh, honey," he said, he slumped over a bit and took both of her hands. "Baby, Kathy's pregnant."

"Oh," Olivia said, her face a shade paler than it was a few seconds ago. "Oh, God," she mumbled, shaking her head. "So she's…and it's her…"

"Yeah," Elliot nodded. "She needs you, baby. She needs to talk to you, you have to tell her that keeping it wouldn't destroy her, and that she is nothing like your mother, or…just give her a damn good reason to keep it so she won't hate herself for doing something she'll regret." He squeezed her hands and said, "God, I can't believe she's pregnant."

Tears pooled in her eyes. She squeezed his hands. She shook her head and said, "Well, I can't believe I'm not."

He looked at her for a moment. "How do you…"

"I took the test," she interrupted. "In the bathroom. That's where I went. Negative."

His eyes closed, he pulled her into his arms, and he sighed into her shoulder. "Baby, it's okay. We've got a lifetime to…"

"I know," she said with a sniffle. "I know. It's all right. I just…I was so sure I was…"

"Liv," he said, looking into her eyes. "It'll happen. Come on, I'm the most fertile man on the planet. You're probably still adjusting to being off the pill. It hasn't been that long, and you've been taking it for over a decade, so…"

"Thanks for reminding me how old I am," she said with a chuckle.

He smiled. "Hey, you told me you started taking them in high school, I just assumed you aged like a normal woman." He kissed her and said, "We will try until it happens. This isn't over, honey."

She nodded, then she swallowed. She blinked and cleared her throat, then she looked at the doctor. "Can I go see her?"

The doctor nodded, then led Olivia to the elevator. Elliot watched them go, a piece of his heart breaking and repairing as he thought of both the disappointment and promise her negative test held with it. He looked over his shoulder. "Hey, Georgia?"

"Yes, Detective?" the young nurse said, looking up with a smile.

Elliot grinned. "Can you see if Doctor Thompson is still here?"

The nurse looked confused. "The fertility doc…"

"Yeah, him," Elliot said. He watched as Georgia reached for the phone. He chuckled to himself as he twirled his wedding band around his finger, and hoped that with a few tips, tricks, and vitamins, he'd be able to give Olivia her Mommy moment. He would do whatever he had to.

**A/N: What will the doctor tell him to do? What will Kathy decide? Will they get back to the shore house to find a surprise waiting for them? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: "These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive." Edwin McCain, Could Not Ask For More **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia knocked lightly on the door, and pushed it open with a soft smile. "Hi, Kathy," she said.

Kathy looked up and her whole demeanor brightened. "Olivia," she sighed, relieved.

"You look good," Olivia said, trying to stay calm, composed.

Kathy scoffed. "I look like hell, but you…you know why, don't you?"

Olivia nodded, biting her lip. "Elliot wanted me to try convincing you to keep the baby. He says he knows you'll regret if you…"

"I will," Kathy interrupted. "God, I will, but…I can't…what if it's…"

"My mother chose to keep me," Olivia said, breaking Kathy off. "If she would have had support from her family, if she would have gotten help before she…see, my mother took everything so much harder than she needed to, Kathy. There were options, but she didn't look at it that way. She tried to do everything on her own, and she coped with it all the only way she knew how."

Kathy shook her head. "She resented you. Every time she looked at you she saw his face, and I can't go through that! You want me to? I can't believe you're defending her. After everything she did to you, Liv, you're going to sit there and convince me that…"

"I'm not defending her," Olivia said. "I'm telling you why you're going to be different. You have people around you who will help you, you have a team of wonderful doctors who are going to make sure you are one-hundred-percent back to normal before you're even showing, and you have the kids and Elliot…"

"And you?" Kathy asked, hopeful.

Olivia smiled. "And me, and I'm going to be there for this kid, because I know what he or she is gonna have to live with. I know, better than anyone, what…"

"What would you do?" Kathy asked, tilting her head. "If this happened to you, what would you do?"

Olivia halted. "I'm not Catholic," she said.

"Put that aside and use your moral judgment," Kathy said firmly. "Tell me what you would do, Olivia. Would you have your rapist's baby, knowing and seeing what it did to your mother?"

"Kathy, I…I'm my mother's daughter, all right?" Olivia returned, sighing. "She was drunk, violent, and…and I'm the product of a rape, so I know that my father was violent, cruel, heartless, selfish, and probably heavy into drugs or alcohol himself." She shook her head as tears ran down her cheeks. "You grew up a lot differently than I did, Kathy. You know what it's like to have your parents by your side, there for you, loving you. They raised you to be a mother, and you are one. An amazing one."

Kathy looked at Olivia and tilted her head. "Olivia, please, don't cry. I just…"

Olivia sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Don't ask me what I would do, because you're not me. You wouldn't make the same decision I would. I've seen what having a kid like me does to an unstable woman, but you…you will love this baby, Kathy. It will be a part of you, and it's going to have three sisters and a brother who will be there to make sure it's never neglected the way I was. You can do all of the things with your child that my mother never could, never wanted to do, because…because of who she was," she said, choking up as tears came faster.

Kathy sighed and reached for Olivia's hand. "You're telling me that you would have an…"

"I shouldn't be anyone's mother," she whispered, blinking away more tears. She kept her eyes closed and shook her head. "There's a reason I'm not…" she stopped, she swallowed, and she opened her eyes. "Kathy, you will have this baby, and you will love this child, and when you look into his or her little eyes, you're going to remember the night, the man, but you're also going to remember the strength it gave you. You're going to remember that you survived, and your child exists because of what happened to you. Something wonderful came out something so awful. You're gonna look at this the way my mother couldn't. Didn't."

Kathy, crying soft tears of her own, nodded. "Yeah," she whispered. "I will. You know I will." She wiped her eyes and took a long look at her friend. She squeezed Olivia's hand and said, "You're not your mother, Liv."

Olivia's head lifted, she looked at Kathy. "What?"

"You said…before…I heard you," Kathy said, testing the waters of how personal Olivia would get with her. "You said you shouldn't be anyone's mother. That's not true. You're going to be an amazing mother, because everything you just told me…Liv, that's what you would do, whether you know it or not. You're not your mother. You know your options, you would get help. You know, uh, and you would have Elliot."

Olivia scoffed. "Yeah, me and Elliot. About that. I don't really know how long that's gonna last, so…"

"What?" Kathy asked, gasping. "How could you doubt him, Liv?"

"It's not him, I…Kathy, we got together because I had this momentary lapse in sanity and kissed him. I supposed to leave, get out of your way, I was not supposed to steal your entire family. Once he realizes that I'm…beyond repair…he's gonna want his life back."

Kathy blinked. "You're his life now. I told you, Liv, he was in love with you, for a long time. Our marriage was over, you just gave us both the last push."

"He'll leave," Olivia whispered. "I think there's something wrong with me. When he finds out then…"

"Wrong? What are you talking about?" Kathy asked, squeezing her hand again. "Liv, talk to me."

Olivia took a breath, wondering how the conversation had turned. How had Kathy become the one comforting her? "We're trying, God knows why, to have a baby. I don't think we could try any harder than we have been, and he's…everything he has works, that's obvious. So it's me. There's something wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you," Kathy said. "It doesn't always happen so quickly. And obviously Elliot wasn't the overly fertile one in the relationship. I think if a man sneezes on me the wrong way, he'll knock me up."

Olivia chuckled lightly, seeing her point. "I'm so sorry, Kathy. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this and I feel so…"

"I don't even want the word 'guilty' to be in your vocabulary, Olivia Benson," Kathy said. "You've done more for me than you know. This baby is gonna have one hell of a Godmother."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "I'm not…"

"You'll have to convert, won't you? To marry Elliot?" Kathy asked. "I mean, a real Church wedding. Like you both deserve. Do it within the next eight months, and everything will be fine. Liv, I don't want my child in anyone else's care. If anything ever happens to me, I want him with you."

"Or her," Olivia said with a smile.

Kathy laughed. "Right." She leaned over and gave Olivia a big hug, and she whispered, "Just breathe, Liv."

Olivia hugged her tighter and laughed. "I'm trying," she whispered. She pulled away and wiped her eyes. "So, you're good? You're gonna be okay?"

Kathy nodded. Seeing the woman she believed was so strong and indestructible almost break put everything into perspective for her. "I'm gonna be fine."

Olivia nodded, and she gave Kathy's hand another squeeze as she rose from her spot on the bed. "If you need me, call me. I mean that."

"I know you do," Kathy said. "Go. He's waiting for you." She jutted her head toward the door.

Olivia turned and she saw Elliot, standing with tears in his eyes. She blinked as she walked over to him, and when he pulled her into the hall and hugged her tight, she let out a sob. "Oh, God, El…"

"I know what you were doing," he said, sniffling. "And I love you for it. Letting her see you cry, being so open with her, she…she needed it."

Olivia nodded. "I did, too, believe it or not."

He kissed the top of her head. "I, uh, I came up here to get you. To tell you that…I talked to a fertility doctor. He said…well, he wanted to know why we thought there was a problem, so I told him you took the test and he…"

"You talked to a doctor about this?" Olivia asked, her heart pounding. "El, what if there really is…"

Elliot cut her off, holding up a white stick. "There's nothing wrong with you."

She held her breath and gripped his free hand. "Are you saying…what, I didn't wait long enough or…"

"The guy said these things are unreliable, honey. Unless you're almost a month late, you're probably not getting a positive result. They can misread hormone levels," he told her. "This could be wrong. I want you to come downstairs with me, talk to him, take a real test."

She shook her head and blinked. "What if…"

He silenced her with a kiss. "There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. I told you, this takes time, baby. If you aren't pregnant now, you will be, soon. With a lot…and I mean a lot of trying," he chuckled and kissed her. "Relax. And before you ask, I am choosing to believe you only said half that stuff to get to Kathy. You know I would never leave you, ever."

She took another breath and nodded. "That…well, I…it was an emotional moment, El."

He kissed her and sighed. "Believe me, you're stuck with me for the rest of your life." He smiled at her and said, "Now let's go find out if you're really pregnant or not, we have a beach and four kids to get back to."

She laughed and pulled him close to her, inhaling and closing her eyes. "El, I love you, So much."

He kissed her and looked into her eyes as he said, "I love you more."

She shook her head. "Not possible," she said, taking his hand and walking with him down the hall. She stopped him, and she looked at him, into his eyes. She held her breath and knew, in her heart and her mind, that she had to be pregnant. She could almost feel it. She hoped for a moment that she was wrong, but the moment passed when she saw the glow in his eyes. Her Elliot. Now, there was nothing she wanted more, and she couldn't wait to be proven right.

**A/N: Are her instincts right? Or will they have to keep trying? Either way, the next chapter is a lot of beachy fun! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: "Moments are fleeting, but the impressions on our hearts that they make last a lifetime."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Elliot pushed open the door to the beach house, glancing around the living room. "Fin," he said, spotting his friend on the sofa, "You guys can go, man. Thanks."

Fin got off the couch, shook Elliot's hand, and said, "Anything for you, bud. I mean that. How is she?"

Elliot sighed and said, "She's okay. We're both okay, ya know, the doctor said it was definitely just her body adjusting and regulating her hormone levels. She's as fertile as they come, so we just have to find the right moment, take every single beneficial step. He gave her some kind of vitamins and this powdered stuff she has to drink when she wakes up…"

"I was talking about Kathy." Fin raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. "Wait. You and Baby-Girl are tryin' to have a kid?"

Elliot bit his bottom lip, looked at Fin nervously, and nodded. "Yeah. We just, uh, we thought she was...but it's not…there's no problem, we just found out that she was on really effective birth control and her whole system is outta whack now, so she has to take…"

"Hey, you don't have to explain," Fin said, slapping Elliot in the arm. "You'll get there, man. Mel's havin' the same problem." He looked toward his fiancée, who was engrossed in a conversation with Olivia. "But Kathy's okay?"

Elliot nodded. "She'll be fine. She's, uh, keeping the baby, which will be rough on her, especially since she's single now. I feel awful, but she's got me and Liv and the kids. She'll be fine."

Fin nodded and offered a smile, then moved over to Melinda. He looked at Olivia, gave her a small hug, and then he took Melinda's had. the pair left, heading back to the city.

Olivia sighed, then, and closed her eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Elliot asked with a laugh. "baby this is not a big deal. Relax. Come here," he said, holding out his hand. He led her through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water on the way out the back door. He pulled her down the patio steps and onto the sand of their patch of the beach. "Take off your shoes," he said, letting go of her hand and toeing off his own shoes.

"What are you making me do?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

He chuckled and started unbuttoning her top. "I am making you relax," he said with a smirk. "Here." He handed her a bottle of water and took a bottle of pills out of his pocket. "Two," he mumbled, opening the bottle. "They gave you that basal thermometer at the hospital, you're ovulating, right? So, this week is perfect."

She held out her hand and chuckled. "You're really sure you wanna do this?" she asked, popping the pills he had shaken into her hand into her mouth.

He nodded as she drank the water, swallowing the pills. he put the bottle on the wood of the desk, with his cell phone and hers. "The only thing I am more certain of is that I love you." He kissed her, took her hand again, and led her to the edge of the water. "This is gonna be amazing," he said with a smile. "You and me, Liv, are raising a child together. A beautiful baby. With your hair and smile, and your personality."

"Yeah, with your eyes and your temper," she said with a laugh. "And your way of making the world fall in love with you."

He stopped with a laugh, then sat on the sand and pulled her into his lap. "Not the world, just the most important people in it." He kissed her softly, and he nuzzled her nose. "You think he had something to do with this?"

"Who?" she asked, furrowing her brow.

"Munch," he said with a sigh. "You think he's making these things kind of fall into place? He knew we'd have to deal with this thing with Kathy, so there's a reason you weren't pregnant when we thought you were, and now that things are looking good for the rest of the world, and we've got time to…"

She kissed him, shutting him up. "I believe everything happens for a reason," she whispered. She kissed him again, just as softly, and said, "I don't necessarily think it's all because of John Munch."

He laughed and nodded. "It could be a lot of people up there, baby. Munch, my dad, your mother, who the hell knows? They're all working together to make sure we keep ourselves happy and don't do anything we're not ready to do."

She raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said…"

"You weren't ready," he told her, interrupting. "You know you weren't. You practically said it to Kathy, and you knew you had to talk to the doctor and me before you were sure…what you said in the car, that you might not have been happy if that stick had turned blue…but you would be now. That said it all. You're ready now."

She grinned at him, kissed him again, and said, "I really am." She ran her hand through his hair and brushed his nose with hers. "Now, why are we out here in the middle of the night?"

He pulled her down as he flattened himself out. "I told you." He kissed her and laughed as he said, "I want you, baby. In the sand, the water, the moonlight…here. Now."

"You want me?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. She moved off of him, pulling off her opened shirt. She saw him swallow hard and watched his eyes darken. She smirked and got to her feet slowly, saying, "Come get me."

Elliot narrowed his eyes and sat up fast, reaching for her, but missing. he got to his feet and ran, laughing as he chased her. The chase lasted for a few moments, leading them both into the water. Splashing and laughing, they found their way into each other's arms. He took a breath and slowed his chuckles as he rocked her back and forth. "I love you," he said, kissing her forehead as the water lapped at their legs.

"I love you, too," she said, smiling as she kissed him. "I just can't believe…"

"Believe it," he said, pulling her back toward the shore. "It's all real, it's all happening." He pulled off his wet pants, tossed off his shirt, and wrapped her shivering body in his arms. "And we're ready for it."

She nuzzled into him, running her wet hair over his bare chest. She took a breath and almost giggled, but stopped herself. She had never giggled a day in her life, even as a child, she didn't intend to start now. She felt him moving, pulling her down again, and their wet bodies hit the sand. She couldn't stop it, she heard it, and part of her didn't regret it at all.

"Did you just giggle?" Elliot asked, laughing.

"No," Olivia said, adamantly. "Absolutely not. I just…laughed and smiled and…I'm really happy right now."

He ran his hands over her shoulders, down her back, and unclasped her bra, the whole time gazing into her eyes. "So am I."

She bent her head to kiss him as she moved her arms, letting him pull off the wet silk. He tossed it into the sand behind him and slipped his hands down her form to her waist, pulling on the wet underwear that clung to her skin. She moaned and bit his lip, tugging on it as she arched her hips to help him pull the fabric off.

He chuckled as he nipped at her, and he felt her hands sliding his own boxers down, pulling on them roughly as he lay on them. He grunted as he moved, shifting his body and slipping out of them, and they laughed together as the underwear went sailing across the beach. "You know," he said, kissing her, "I've heard you order sex on the beach a thousand times, but tonight, you're finally getting it."

She laughed, remembering countless nights at the bar with him, countless conversations over drinks and fries, and how she used to hope, just once, he would get a little too drunk and go home with her. She pressed her lips to his neck as she hiked her body over his, lining him up as she straddled him. "Well, getting it right, at least," she laughed, looking down at him.

He looked into her eyes, raised his hips, and slid into her with a moan. He heard her voice cry out his name, saw her eyes flutter shut, and he gripped her hips. He didn't look away, wouldn't let her avert her eyes, and he moved her as he moved his body. "God, you feel good," he whispered to her.

She was staring into his eyes, her lip caught between her teeth, and she nodded in agreement. "El," she breathed, rocking against him, sliding over him, "So amazing, baby."

He ran one hand up her body and looped it around her neck, pulling her down to him. He kissed her, moaning softly, and felt her hands on his chest, her nails raking down and up his working body. He moaned louder and kissed her with more fire.

Her hips moved faster then, her whole body working harder. "God, El," she whispered into his mouth, moaning as they hit together.

He got a good grip on her and flipped them over, and keeping up a moderate rhythm, he kissed her lips, face, and neck, whispering her name and some choice curses between groans and grunts. He tried to move deeper, and his hands, of their own free will, grabbed her legs and lifted them, pulling them around his body and lifting her up a bit, accomplishing his goal.

"Oh, my God," she moaned, her head falling to her left as she blindly reached for him.

He let one hand fall to hers, and their fingers linked, squeezing together. "Look at me," he whispered, a soft demand. "Baby, look at me."

She struggled to open her eyes, but once she met his all was lost. She clamped down on him, her back arched and her body felt as if it was ripping apart from the inside. He was blowing her to pieces, and she loved every incredible second. "El," she moaned, craning her neck toward him.

He bent over, still pumping, and caught her lips. He grunted, thrusting through her spasms, and came hard, gripping her tightly. His wild moans and noises were muffled by their kiss, their hips, though aching, kept meeting with soft thumps, and their bodies were wracked and spent, but wouldn't quit.

Finally, he relented, and he lowered her back to the sand. He kissed her as he tried to calm her down and he brushed the damp hair off of her face. "So," she panted, wrapping her arms around him, "You think that did it?"

He laughed, breathing hard, still inside of her, and he said, "We won't know for a while, but if that didn't do it, then what we do in about two hours will. Or what we do tomorrow night. Or any night this week." He smiled and kissed her and he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you," she replied, her eyes fluttering shut. She let him kiss her neck as her head lolled to the side again. She opened her eyes and was met with a view of the waves, dark blue, crashing on the shore beside them. She felt, for the first time, as if it was all okay. There were no more nightmares, no more panic attacks, no more doubts or fears. At least, not for her and her new family.

She sighed and shivered as Elliot nipped at her skin, and she smiled as she realized things were going right for her, for the first time in her life, and she wasn't stuck anymore. There was only one thing left to give him, to have for herself, that would make her world whole. And she was going to do everything she could to get it.

**A/N: Their vacation comes to an abrupt end, but why? And when they lose track of time, they lose track of each other. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 **


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: "Sometimes, the moments that are the most memorable are the ones we let pass us by." **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

"That's your fourth cup of coffee," Olivia said, drinking the doctor-prescribed green shake in her hand.

Elliot nodded. "Yeah, well, we're going' on day three here," he spat, chugging the rest of the contents of his mug. He got up for cup number five and said, "Cragen's damn lucky he didn't call us back here sooner."

Olivia's eyes widened. "El, really, it's not that big of a deal. Stop talking."

Elliot poured the coffee and shook his head. "No, Liv. We lost the weekend, that's bad enough, but if he interrupted our actual vacation, I would have…"

"You'd have what?" Cragen asked, folding his arms behind him.

"I tried to warn you," Olivia shrugged, slumping back into her seat. She sipped her drink with a grimace and prayed Elliot could get himself out of the hole he was in.

Elliot turned and looked at Cragen, slowly stirring his coffee. "I would have been really upset," he said, clearing his throat.

Cragen held in a chuckle, and then walked over to the electronic board, shaking his head. "Okay, three days, and we have nothing new on this guy. Why not?"

Breslin leaned back and crossed his feet on his desk. "He's in the wind, Captain. The man hasn't used credit cards, his cell phone, his GPS, and he was smart enough to attack homeless women, no one would miss them."

"Hey, they're people, ya know! With families!" Olivia snapped, turning to him.

Fin looked at her cautiously. "Easy, Baby-Girl," he said. "You know he's right. No co-workers, parents, children, or friends would be able to report them missing, is what he meant."

Olivia still held her glare firm at Breslin. "Still," she hissed. "Their lives aren't any less valuable than yours," she said.

"Never said they were," Breslin said, shaking his head and sighing. "Sorry, Benson."

Olivia nodded, sipped her drink, and took a breath. "Get your feet off the desk," she said, narrowing her eyes again.

Breslin moved fast, not even asking why. "So, uh, this guy. How are we gonna find him?"

"His usual haunts are the back alleys around Penn Station." Elliot pointed to a few of the crime scene photos. "Our best chance is to hang out around there, wait for him," he shrugged.

"You and Benson," Cragen said with a nod. "Take the blue one."

Elliot looked at Olivia and sighed. They'd been awake and at the station for three days, dealing with a string of violent, sexually charged homicides, and now he got them involved in a stake out. He bit his lip, hoping she wouldn't hate him for it.

* * *

The alley was dark, quiet, and cold. The heat was running on low in the car, the windows were all up and the doors were locked. The headlights were off and the two detectives inside of it were communicating via grunts and short words.

"Anything yet?" Olivia asked in a whisper, her head against the seat as she looked out of her window.

"Nope," Elliot said, shaking his head as he stared at his side of the alley. "You?"

"Other than that same plastic bag blowing passed the car for the fifth time, no," she said with a yawn.

Elliot looked at her for a moment, taking in her beauty, and he turned back to his post. "I love you," he said, sounding as if he was telling her the sky was blue, or the world revolved around the sun. So factual.

His tone made her sit up straighter. "I know you do," she said. "I love you, too. Why did you say it like that?"

Not looking back from the window, he shrugged. "Just stating a fact," he said. "I love you. I hate that we've been working for seventy-two straight hours, the only sleep we've got was up on those lumpy ass beds, and that was only a few hours."

"You're upset because we haven't gotten enough sleep?" she asked, brushing her hand over his shoulder.

He laughed. "Not enough anything. We haven't had time, or the opportunity, to do anything together except work on this case, and I don't want you feel like I'm forgetting about you, about us, or putting you second to the job. I made that mistake with Kathy, I'm not making it with you." He scoffed and said, "Actually, Kathy came fourth. The job, you, the kids, then her." He looked over his shoulder for a moment. "Now it's you and the kids and that's it."

"Screw the rest of the world," she said with a grin.

"Damn right," he said with a small chuckle. "I haven't forgotten that promise. Hell, if I wouldn't feel so damn guilty about it, I'd throw you into the backseat right here, right now, but God forbid that fucker grabs another girl while we're going at it like horny teenagers, I'll never forgive myself."

She laughed and said, "I needed that, thank you." She squeezed his arm and said, "We lost track of each other, I guess, working this case." She bit her lip and whispered, "Always happens with the long ones."

"Not anymore," he said, again his voice sounded firm and honest. "Never again." He grabbed her hand blindly over his shoulder, still watching the alley, and lifted it to his lips, kissing each of her knuckles and her palm.

She melted at his gesture, and then she turned her head. "El," she said, her eyes focusing and her body moving, readying for action.

Elliot turned, then he opened his door. "Ready?"

"On it," she replied, moving one hand to her gun as her other opened her door. She felt Elliot at her side as soon as she had both feet on the sidewalk.

They walked toward the shadowy target slowly, careful not to alert the man or scare him. "Police, freeze!" Elliot yelled, raising his gun. "Hands in the air! Now!"

"On your knees!" Olivia commanded, her gun level with Elliot's.

The man chuckled evilly as he lowered himself to the ground and let the woman he'd had in his arms go. "I've been waiting for you," he said. "What took you so long?"

"Just making sure we have enough solid evidence to haul your ass in," Elliot said, watching as Olivia moved to cuff him.

Just as she leaned over him, the man elbowed her, sending her backward. He moved, getting up and lunging for Olivia, but she rolled away and sprung to her feet, knocking him down again. She got the cuffs on him and pulled him to his feet. "Big mistake," she hissed into his ear.

Elliot ran to her and grabbed the man, and he checked her over with his eyes, worried.

"I'm fine," she said, "He just surprised me."

"You're getting checked out anyway," he said. "Get the girl." He nodded toward the frightened young woman, shaking near the sedan, her eyes glued to Olivia.

Olivia moved, walking over to the would-be victim, and she wrapped an arm around her. "Are you all right?" she asked.

The dirty, broken woman nodded, and wrapped Olivia in her arms, and she cried. This, Olivia thought, was the worst part of the job.

* * *

"I told you, I'm fine," Olivia said, perched on the interrogation table as a medic looked her over. She was talking to Elliot, annoyed, as the EMT took her blood pressure for the third time. "I don't know why you're doing this, he just gave me a push, El."

"In the stomach," Elliot said pointedly. "If you're…I'm not taking any chances."

The EMT looked up and said, "She seems perfectly fine, Detective Stabler. No matter how many times I check her pulse, she's still going to be fine." He chuckled and said, "But I will run the blood sample you asked me to take as soon as I get back to the hospital, and I will call you with the results."

"Thanks," Elliot said, shaking the man's hand. He looked back at Olivia and helped her off of the table, and said, "Think you're ready to go question this prick?"

"I was ready twenty minutes ago, but you had me in here getting poked and prodded and…"

"Hey," he interrupted with a grin, "I worry about you, all right? More than I should. Especially now, if you're…"

Cragen opened the door, interrupting them, and said, "Can you two get a move on? I got Langan in there ready to file a negligence complaint."

Elliot looked at Cragen, rolling his eyes, and pulled Olivia out of the room. "We're on it," he said.

Cragen watched them head into the other interrogation room, snapping back into their professional partnership, and his heart sank. He knew he would have to tell them about Kathy, and Kathy would have to tell them the truth, which would shatter Elliot's world. He headed back to his office, shaking his head, thanking God that he would have Olivia.

He shut the door and picked up the phone, calling Doctor Huang to come in and explain everything. He closed his eyes and prayed that Elliot was strong enough to deal with it, because he couldn't bear to see Elliot break. For him, this would feel like losing Munch all over again.

**A/N: What's wrong with Kathy? What truth might shatter Elliot? And what news does the EMT call with? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212. *Five Chapters left***


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: "Moments that you spend a lifetime waiting for are often the ones that change the world."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Elliot was pacing back and forth in the waiting room, Olivia in the chair behind him, biting her lip. Cragen had sent them to Bellevue as soon as they'd nailed their perp, and now they were waiting for Kathy's doctor.

Kathy had called Cragen, she said it was Olivia and she needed to talk to Elliot, and Cragen knew something was wrong. He called Huang, and sure enough, Kathy had found a way to bring down everything Elliot had built up. He sent Elliot to see her, hoping she'd tell him the truth once and for all. They were waiting for the doctor, still unsure of what they were waiting for, since Huang hadn't called them yet.

Elliot turned, looking at Olivia, and he shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said to her.

"For what? This isn't your fault," she said. "Kathy's going through something, something horrible, and she…she just…"

"Went crazy," Elliot said, throwing a hand up. "I swear on my life, Liv, no matter what she says…that baby is not mine."

She stood and walked to him, taking him into her arms. "I know that. You were with me, El, there's no way…she thinks she's…me. So she has to know that the only way that baby would be yours is if…"

"That's what the doctor said," he told her. "He said her brain went to someplace safe and familiar, where she could be with me, where this child would have a real father, a man she loved."

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "She still loves you."

"But she knows I'm in love with you," he said, taking her hand. "She isn't lying, and she's not trying to make me take the responsibility here, she honestly thinks she is you, Liv."

She curled into his body, let him hold her tight, and she sighed. "I'm me," she said. "And I love you."

He chuckled softly. "Oh, honey, I know. I'm not…she's not gonna take me away from you. I just want to help her get better."

She nodded and pulled away from him, seeing the doctor come toward them.

"Detective Stabler," the doctor said, smiling. "Thank you for coming back down here. We had to move her, and we had to give her a pretty strong dose of…"

"Is she okay?" Elliot asked.

The doctor nodded. "Physically, yes. Mentally, though, she's no longer Kathy Malone. She is signing everything we give her Olivia Stabler, and she told us this odd story about how you and she were trying to have kids, so you'd be thrilled to find out she was pregnant. She's convinced you don't know, and she's been trying to call you for days."

Elliot nodded. "We were on a rough case, we weren't home." He scoffed and said, "He called our captain."

The doctor understood, and he looked at them seriously. "How do you want to approach this? Do you want to talk to her together? You want to go see how she's doing by yourself? If you do, you have to call her 'Olivia' or you might send her into a fit of rage and she'll have a breakdown that could harm the child."

Elliot tilted his head. "So how would going in there with Liv…"

"If she sees the real Olivia, maybe she'll snap out of it for a few moments." The doctor nodded at Olivia. "It's worked before."

Elliot looked at Olivia. "I'll go in first, and then if she's as bad as he said she is, I'll come get you." He kissed her slowly, as if it hurt him to leave her, and he nodded at the doctor.

Olivia watched Elliot walk with the man, and she sighed. She sat down as her cell phone rang. "Benson," she said, answering the call. "Yes, hello. See, I told him I was fine, I don't know why he insisted…I'm sorry, what?" It took a second for her heart to start beating again, and another moment for the tears to spill from her eyes. "Yeah," she said softly. "Thank you."

* * *

Half an hour later, Elliot barreled back through the doors, pissed off and yelling at the man behind him. "How did she get this far, huh? You're supposed to be her psychiatrist! You're supposed to be able to see…"

"What happened?" Olivia asked, standing up and wiping her eyes before he could tell she'd been crying.

"Huang called me while I was in the room with Kathy!" he yelled. "Cragen called him after Kathy called, and he sent us down here hoping we already knew!"

"Knew what?" Olivia asked, trying to catch his flailing hands.

He scoffed and threw his hands up, away from her. "She's been faking it for the last two weeks!" he snapped. "She loved the attention she was getting from you, and from me, and she…shit, Liv, she had a real problem, until you talked to her. You snapped her out of it, but she thought if she was better we'd stop caring."

Olivia furrowed her brow. "She's okay?"

He nodded, biting his lip. "She just wanted to hold on to both of us, and this was the only way she thought she could. Fuck, Liv, she was fully aware of what she was saying to Cragen! When he told me she said the baby was mine…my heart started racing, I thought you'd flip, until he said she thought she was you, then it all made sense! But to know she has been fucking lying…"

"Calm down," Olivia said, grabbing his shoulders and rubbing. "Calm down, El. You need to…"

"She made us drive all the way out here," he said, still angry. "Cragen knew we were tired, irritable, we haven't seen the kids, we haven't…shit, do you know what's been running through my mind for the last four days? I want you, more than I ever have, and because she lied to the doctor…she couldn't fool Huang, though." He chuckled bitterly and said, "That's why he works for the goddamned FBI."

Olivia moved her hands from his shoulders to his face. "Please, calm down. El, she's a victim, okay? She got our sympathy, and our attention, and she didn't want to lose that. She's afraid to be alone, and she panicked. Please, just take a deep breath and…"

He cut her off with a kiss, fueled by tension and pent up lust, and he grabbed her body tightly. "I'm sorry," he whispered against her lips. "I never wanted to put you in the middle of e and Kathy, ever. That's why I never…"

"Okay," she said, shaking her head. "You need to stop. No one could have predicted this would happen, so stop feeling…"

He laughed and cut her off with another kiss. "Sound familiar?" he asked.

She raised an eyebrow and then she chuckled. "Yeah, you proved your point," she said. "But you know I'm right here. She is going through obvious post-traumatic…"

"Shit," he said, closing his eyes. "I yelled at her. I really fucking yelled at her." He turned over to look at the doctor. "Him too." He kissed Olivia and said, "Come with me? I have to apologize."

Olivia took a breath and nodded, then took his hand. "Before we go see her," she said, "Nick called."

"Who the hell is Nick?" he asked, his eyes narrowing.

"The EMT," she said. "The one you made take blood, and check my vision, and ask me how many fingers he was holding up, three times."

He laughed and nodded. "All right, so maybe I overreacted, I just…"

"He found something," she said, stopping him, biting her lip. "One of the blood tests…"

"Oh, God," he interrupted, panicked. His face had gone white and his heart was pounding. "What…what is it…Liv, baby, are you…is it serious?"

She swallowed hard and she nodded. "Pretty serious." She gave his hand a squeeze and she moved closer to him. "It's actually, uh, something I'm gonna have for the rest of my life."

He swallowed and he pulled her into his arms. "Honey, just tell me what…"

She kissed him, interrupted just as he'd done, and she whispered, so softly, against his lips, "I'm pregnant."

**A/N: Elliot's reaction. They talk to Kathy, Fin and Melinda finally tie the knot, and a letter from Munch? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: "Give me one moment in time, to be more than I thought I could be."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Elliot froze, his face reflected understand and confusion at once, and he let out a soft, "What?"

She moved back a bit, her eyes flinching the tiniest bit. "I…yeah," she whispered, looking away from him. "Well, there's nothing wrong with me. I thought…"

"What?" he asked again, still almost silent, the tears in his eyes big and glistening.

"El, please," she sighed, her eyes closing. "Say something besides 'what' or just…go apologize to Kathy and…"

He pulled her into him with such force she yelped. His lips muffled the cry though, the kiss searing and agonizingly emotional. His tears fell onto her cheeks as he held her to him with one hand around the back of her neck. He moaned as his other hand snaked around her back, pressing her against him, getting her as close as possible.

She lost herself in the kiss, relieved that he wasn't upset or angry, her fear at his initial reaction fading. She wrapped her arms around his waist and she let out a soft, barely audible, sigh.

He moved away from her, breathing deep, and rested his forehead against hers with closed eyes. "You're…you're having…we're…my baby. You're having my baby. You, Olivia Benson, are pregnant with my child." It was as if he was trying to convince himself of it, proving it was real."

She slid her hands to his face, brushing the tears away with her thumbs as her palms rested against his stubbled cheeks. "Yeah," she whispered with a soft smile. "I am."

"There is a God," he chuckled, looking up at the ceiling. "A really amazing God."

She shook her head and laughed, and she kissed him softly. "You're happy," she said to him. Her smile brightened when her eyes met his, they were bright and wide, and she said, "You're really happy."

"Happy isn't the word," he said, gripping her hand. "We're…you're…"

She kissed him, stopping his stuttering and sniffling, and she nuzzled his nose with hers for a tender moment. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Liv," he said, his voice so soft it was close to inaudible. He sighed and kissed her forehead, closing his eyes as he let the news sink in fully. He smiled against her skin and then he moved, pulling her toward the doctor.

He apologized for yelling, for blaming him, and then he headed back up to Kathy's room. She looked meek and pitiful when Olivia and Elliot walked in, and before she could say anything Elliot said a rushed, "I'm sorry."

"Wait…you…why?" Kathy asked, confused. She knew she'd been wrong, and wondered why he felt guilty for it.

He sighed and sat on one of the visitor's chairs, and not thinking much of it, he pulled Olivia down onto his lap. His hands subconsciously splayed over her non-existent bump, and he said, "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I said some things I didn't mean, and I didn't think before…everything you've been through, Kath, I shouldn't have turned into the kind of guy you're still afraid of."

"I'm not afraid of you," Kathy said, shaking her head. "And you had every right to yell. I'm the one who should apologize. I knew…I've known for almost two weeks, that I'm gonna be okay. I just…I thought that if you have to care anymore you wouldn't. Neither of you would." She wiped away a falling teardrop and said, "I do honestly love you. Both of you. And you have no idea how confusing it all is for me. I didn't want you to rip it all away from me again."

Elliot took a breath and looked at his ex-wife, just a shadow of the woman he had once loved. "You've got us, Kathy, for life. You're the mother of four of my children; you are part of my family. You're just not my wife anymore, it's different kind of love now. Nothing else changed."

Kathy sniffled and asked, "You mean that?"

Elliot nodded. "Liv and I…we care, Kathy, we're just…"

"You've been crying," Kathy interrupted, sitting up in her bed. "What happened?"

Olivia looked at him and saw his eyes were still slightly red and a bit puffy, and she figured that being married to him for so long had given Kathy the same ability to read him that she had.

Elliot's eyes darted to Olivia's, his hands caressed her stomach, and he said, "I promise, they were happy tears."

Kathy squinted, then the light bulb turned on. "You're having a baby," she said, her voice wavering just slightly. Deep down, part of her wanted Elliot's full attention during her pregnancy. She remembered how loving and tender he was when she had the other kids. "Congratulations," she said, nodding at them.

Olivia was confused. "How did you…"

"It's his eyes," Kathy said, smiling sadly. "He has the same look in his eyes he had when I told him about Kathleen, and the twins." She chuckled and said, "Maureen, though we love her to death, was not a happy surprise."

Elliot scoffed and rolled his eyes. "My God, I thought I was gonna have a heart attack at seventeen."

Kathy laughed. "You kept buying tests, thinking they were all defective," she recalled.

Olivia looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "Some things never change," she said snidely

"He wanted you to take another test? He was just as shocked this time?" Kathy asked, laughing a bit.

"He thought it was defective, but it was negative," Olivia said, smiling but not fondly remembering it. "He really wanted it to be wrong."

"We both did," he said to her, caressing her body as she sat on him. "We got what we wanted."

Kathy smiled as she watched Elliot kiss Olivia sweetly, and she felt her heart snap. She didn't know of whom she was more jealous, but she knew that it hurt her to look at them as much as it made her happy. "I told you," she said, breaking the two apart. "You're going to be a wonderful mother, Olivia."

Olivia's eyes moved to Kathy's as her head dropped to Elliot's shoulder. For the moment, everything was perfect, but the thing about moments is they are fleeting. As is perfection.

* * *

They'd left the hospital a little after ten, drove home in content silence, and walked into their shared place at ten thirty-five. Elliot moved to the kitchen fast, heating up a cup of coffee for him and some milk for Olivia.

He walked back into the living room with two steaming mugs, and he furrowed his brow when he saw Olivia, her back to him, reading the mall. "What's up?" he asked, seeing the look on her face.

"This letter," she said, holding the paper in her hands. "It's from Munch. His last wife sent it to us, said he'd written it when he found out he had cancer."

He walked over to her, eager to read it, and he set the mugs on the table as he looked at the letter and stood behind her. He knew she hated when he read over her shoulder, but she'd get over it. "Holy…is he serious?"

"It came with a signed letter from a lawyer, El," she said, stunned. "We were in his will, and this is…" she sniffled and shook her head. "I feel like such shit. I didn't know he cared this much about us, or that he even thought to…"

"He wasn't like you and me," Elliot interrupted. "He didn't wear his heart on his sleeve, he didn't like hugs or friendly dinners. What he gave us was who he was, and obviously what we gave back to him was enough to let him know we really cared." He picked up the envelope and pulled out the letter from the lawyer, and he shook his head. "We needed this right now. Liv, this is getting really…"

"Munch always loved a good conspiracy," she said, smirking. She flicked at the letter in her hands, in Munch's handwriting, and said, "Read this part, right here."

He peered over her shoulder again, resting his chin in the crook of her neck, and he read, "I know, if you're reading this, you're together with a family of your own. Hopefully, I've lived to see it happen, but if I haven't, please raise your children to believe in the impossible, to have faith, and to be open minded to the supernatural and the superstitious. You're reading this letter, aren't you? And please, if I haven't met your children, show them pictures, tell them my name, and make sure they know their Uncle Munch, and how much he loves them. Godspeed, Stablers, and you know I'm watching you, always. Love, John."

Olivia sniffled and smiled, chuckling a bit. "He called us…"

"You're a Stabler," he said, holding in the cry of his own. "He knew you would be." He held up the check and the lawyer's letter, and he said, "Do you think Cragen knows?"

She shrugged and wiped her eyes. "I don't know," she said. "All I know is, right now, I want to get in that bed, curl up with my hunky husband, and get some much needed sleep."

"You called me your husband," he said with a smirk. "It still gets to me." He laughed and kissed her forehead, and he had just gave her a nudge toward the mug of milk when his phone rang. "Oh, if this is Cragen I'm not answering. We've been working for…" he looked at the caller ID and froze. "It's Fin."

Olivia waited as he answered the call, and she watched his facial expressions change and twist. "What?" she asked.

Elliot held up a finger and spoke into the phone, "Why didn't you…okay, well I under…I just thought you wanted us…uh, I don't think Cragen will let us both…I'll see what I can do, man, but…okay, yeah. Go. Bye." He hung up and looked at Olivia, confused.

"You didn't really say much," she chuckled.

"He wouldn't let me, he was talking so damned fast," he said, shaking his head. "They just got married."

Her eyes widened. "What?"

"They got on a plane, went to Vegas, and they got married. Some Area 51 themed chapel, with aliens and UFOs and their minister was dressed like Captain Kirk."

"They get a letter from Munch?" Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow.

Elliot laughed. "Fin did, yeah. They want us to fly out and meet them this weekend. Celebrate." He bit his lip and said, "Cragen's gonna flip if we take off…"

"He jipped us out of our weekend," she said, cutting him off. "We still have three days of vacation, and I know Frasier and Lutz from the two-seven owe us a couple of favors. We get them to fill in for us and there's no problem."

"You're serious?" he asked, smirking.

"We have a damn good reason to celebrate, too, El," she said with a smile and a light sigh, folding the letter and putting it back in the envelope with the check Munch had left them.

He wrapped her in his arms and said, "Damn right we do, Mommy." He laughed softly and nuzzled into the crook of her neck as he pushed them toward their bedroom, forgetting about their coffee and milk.

Spontaneity and living in the moment, their personal policy, had been paying off in droves. It was only a matter of time before it all caught up with them, and that time was rushing toward them at full speed. As they slowly undressed and crawled into bed, happier than they'd ever been, it was clear they were too caught up in the moment to notice. Or care.

**A/N: So they finally have to face the consequences of their off-the-cuff actions? How? What are they? Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: "From this moment, life has begun." Shania Twain, From This Moment**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Elliot woke up with a groan, his hands searching for something that wasn't there. "Liv?" he called, blinking his eyes to try to see through the dark. "Liv, baby, what are you doing?" He sat up, finding her silhouette in the room, standing in front of the floor length mirror in the corner.

She didn't hear him, though. She was busy examining her body, twisting and turning, her hands splaying over her still-flat stomach, tilting her head. She seemed to be deciding something.

Elliot was confused, having no issues with her body at all. He thought maybe she was trying to visualize what she would look like with a bump, but since his ex-wife had never done that, he wasn't sure. He smirked, then, realizing that it's exactly what she was doing. Kathy wasn't looking forward to being pregnant the first time, and she already knew what she looked like when she found out about Kathleen.

He chuckled to himself, getting out of the bed and walking over to Olivia. He would finally know what it was like to watch a mother so eagerly face her first child, and he was proud and grateful to be the man that gave her that gift. "Honey," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her, "Come back to bed."

She had a smile on her face as she caught his reflection in the mirror, one that he'd never seen before. "I'm not tired," she said, looking into his eyes in the glass.

"Baby, look at you," he said, his eyes sparkling at hers. "You're already glowing."

She let out a small laugh and nodded. "I'm glowing. I'm also nervous," she said with a shrug. "Scared. Worried. Excited, and so happy, Elliot," she said, turning to face him.

He shook his head and turned her back to face the mirror, his arms holding her close. "Look," he whispered, seeing them in the mirror, His hands were over her stomach, hers cupped gently over his. "Look at us."

She sniffled and shook her head. "Ican't believe I was really gonna leave," she whispered. She clutched his hands tighter. "I was honestly gonna kiss you once and leave."

"You were," he said with a nod. "But, see, I'm a stubborn son of a bitch, and I there was no way in hell I was training some rookie, I was keeping you. I fought like hell, didn't I?"

She laughed and nodded, smiling. "You did," she said, leaning back into him. "But you're still training a rookie, here, I mean, I have no clue how to raise a child."

"You think I do?" he asked, serious. "If you knew how many mistakes I made, you wouldn't let me within ten feet of your children." He kissed her neck softly and whispered, "But that's what makes this great. Your first child, my chance to get it right, and if we mess up we're doing it together."

"If we do something great, we're in it together, too," she whispered, turning her eyes up to his.

"Damn right we are," he said, kissing the end of her nose. "We are gonna be amazing, do you know why?"

She shook her head and twisted her lips.

"Because this is what we've been waiting for, baby," he whispered to her. "This child, you and me creating a life, it's something I've thought about, honestly, for years. Wondering what it would be like to see you round and happy, knowing I did that."

She chuckled. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he said, nodding with a grin. "We planned this, wanted this, and this baby is going to be loved and protected more than anyone in the world, because both of its parents are cops. It's not just me being overprotective this time."

She cupped his face and kissed him. "Tell me more about you thinking about this," she whispered against his lips. "When, and why didn't you tell me?"

He chuckled and swayed her in his arms. "That would have worked. 'Hey, Liv, thanks for the coffee. We have a vic at Mercy. By the way, I had vivid dreams of fathering your children last night."

She laughed and kissed him again. "Tell me," she said, tilting her head.

He sighed. "I don't know, baby, it was the middle of the night, usually after a case, I couldn't sleep and I would think about how much you wanted to be a mother, and whenever I thought about how you might go about doing that, the only man I saw there with you was me." He shook his head. "I guess, subconsciously, I wanted this, even before you did."

"Oh," she said, her face turning into an exasperated expression. "You think so? I used to have very similar dreams. El, I had them for a very long time."

"Dreams really do come true," he told her in a soft voice, kissing her slowly. He pulled away and heaved a sigh. "I don't wanna ruing the mood, but I've been trying to tell you this all day. I, uh, talked to the girls. About Kathy being able to go home. They, um, they're gonna pack while we're in Vegas."

Olivia tilted her head again. "They still wanna live with her? After everything…"

"Just until they're sure she's okay," he interrupted. "They're leaving most of their things here, they'll be here on the weekends, and when they're absolutely sure she can deal with the baby and the house by herself, they wanna come back."

She sighed and looked into his eyes. "That…that makes sense." She pulled out of his hold and walked toward the bed. "Well, maybe we can make Maureen's room into a nursery, then. She and katie can share one."

Elliot chuckled. "See? There's a bright side." He got into the bed and wrapped her in his arms. "Our flight's at seven."

"No sense in going back to sleep then," she said, looking at him.

"Didn't plan on it," he laughed, kissing her. He pulled her up and onto him, moaning softly, losing himself in the moment, in her.

* * *

Olivia yawned as she grabbed her suitcase off of the conveyer belt. "What did he say?" she asked, watching Elliot yank the luggage away from her.

"No heavy lifting from you," he said sternly. "And Frasier and Lutz had no problem heading up the unit this weekend. Cragen, however, seemed pretty pissed. He still can't remember us asking for vacation to begin with." He chuckled and winked at her. "He'll get over it."

"Do you remember where we're supposed to meet them?" she asked, looping her arm through his elbow.

He snapped his gum and chuckled. "Of course I do," he said, leading her out though security. They made it outside, and they stood on the sidewalk waiting for a cab, their arms wrapped around each other, kissing.

"Another couple comes to Vegas just to get hitched," someone next to them said with a laugh.

Elliot chuckled and turned his head. "No, Sir, we're already married," he said, holding up his left hand.

The man laughed and said, "Well, then it's good to see a married couple so into each other. Rare nowadays."

"Well, when you have something amazing, you do everything you can to hold onto it," Elliot said, addressing the man but looking at Olivia.

She smiled at him, her eyes upturned behind her sunglasses. She leaned toward him and kissed him slowly, oblivious to the man still watching them. She nuzzled his nose as a cab pulled up to them.

Elliot waved to the man as he helped Olivia into the backseat, then helped the driver put the luggage into the trunk. He slipped into the seat beside Olivia and gave the address, and then he pulled his wife close to him.

"I was thinking," she sighed, cuddling with him.

"Uh-oh," he said, rolling his eyes.

She slapped his arm and scoffed. "Ass," she chuckled. "Seriously. I found a downside to this baby thing," she told him.

He twisted up his face and tilted his head. "What?"

"My tattoo is gonna look really stupid for nine months, and I'm gonna be in the gym more than in your bed for weeks after I have the baby trying to get it to look normal again," she said, grinning.

"That's it? That's your downside?" he asked with a laugh. "Honey, I don't care what you…"

"Yes, you do," she said, stopping him with a disbelieving look.

"I love your body," he said, nodding once, "But it's not why I love you. You know that."

She kissed him and nodded. "Still, you know how I am. I want my body back as soon as possible." She looped her fingers through his and tugged him tighter around her.

"So we'll go to the gym," he told her, kissing her forehead. "Together." He ran his hands over her stomach and whispered, "I wanna watch you work your back into incredible shape." He nipped at her neck with a soft growl.

She chuckled and looked out the window. "Funny. We're across the country, and it feels like we're still in New Yorks."

"It's the traffic," he laughed. "And the lights, the smell, the fact that we're in a cab. There really is very little difference between Vegas and the city."

The cab stopped and the driver turned to them. "You're here, Mister," he said, nodding at Elliot.

"Thanks," he said, pulling out his wallet to pay.

Olivia got out of the cab, surprised to see Melinda and Fin in front of the hotel waiting for them. "Mel!" she squealed, leaping toward her friend and giving her a tight hug.

Fin and Elliot got the bags out of the trunk, and Fin laughed. "Look at them," he said, slamming the lid shut.

Elliot smirked. "Girls are giggly," he said, letting the cab speed off before giving Fin a manly hug. "Congrats, man. Now you know how I felt."

"Happy," Fin said, nodding. "I thought about what you said, about not waiting if you knew it's what you wanted. Then I got this letter from Munch, and we felt we owed it to him to do this."

Elliot sighed and nodded, moving out of the street and toward the girls. "Exactly," he said. "We owe him a lot, too." He wrapped an arm around Olivia and kissed her forehead.

She looked into his eyes, her shades on the top of her head, keeping her hair back. "You wanna tell them?"

"Might as well," he said, tugging playfully on her ear. "We don't wanna steal your thunder, but we came out here to celebrate something besides your marriage," he said, facing Fin and Melinda.

Melinda folded her arms and tilted her head. "You get a promotion at work? One of you getting a medal or something?"

Olivia shook her head and bit her lip. "No, this is…so much better than that."

Fin's eyes widened. "You…Baby-Girl, you're gonna be a momma?"

Melinda gasped. "Is that it?"

Olivia nodded, her eyes filling with tears again as they have every time she thought about it. "Yeah," she whispered, clutching Elliot's hand. "I'm gonna be a momma."

Fin held out his hand, giving Elliot a congratulatory handslap and shake, laughing. "Man, you must be thrilled."

"Beyond," Elliot said with a chuckle and a nod. "We, uh, we talked about it on the plane and we want you to be the Godfather, Fin." He saw his friend's eyes well up, and he continued, "And we know what we're gonna name him, if it's a boy."

"Man, don't tell me you're going for Odafin," Fin joked, pulling his new wife into his arms and sniffling.

Olivia and Elliot laughed, shaking their heads. "No," Olivia said.

Elliot looked at her, into her eyes, and said, "John."

"Jonathan Elliot Stabler," Olivia said, dropping her forehead against his. The moment was calm, peaceful, as a swift breeze kicked up around them, as if hugging them. They realized, shared a look, and knew that Munch approved.

**A/N: A weekend in Vegas brings on another spontaneous moment, one that may leave some people in Manhattan in the dark, and the cold. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: "The living moment is everything." ~D.H. Lawrence**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

The group had been walking up and down the strip all afternoon, dining and seeing the shows out in front of the casinos. Elliot had begged them to take a detour at one point, leading them to the famous fountains in front of the Bellagio.

Olivia looked at them, and she knew exactly why they were there. "How do you even remember?" she asked, emotional, without looking at him.

He wrapped his strong arms around her, pulling her into his body, and he kissed the back of her head. "I remember everything you've ever said to me. Though, trust me, some of it I wish I could forget," he laughed. "Like every date you told me about, or when you admitted you slept with Cassidy." He shuddered and kissed her head again.

She laughed and dropped her head back against his chest. "You won," she said. "They don't matter anymore."

"I did win," he said, nodding, his eyes looking at the colored lights and water spray.

Fin watched them, confused, and asked, "What could she have possibly told you about Vegas?"

Elliot laughed loudly, remembering. "We were on a case with Peterson form the two-seven," he said. "He kept saying shit about us sleeping together and being too close, this was before we even were." He chuckled and kissed Olivia's neck. "She said, and I quote, 'I have a better chance of standing in front of the Bellagio with a husband and a kid than I do of ever getting involved with my partner." He snickered. "Then she punched him for grabbing her ass."

Melinda laughed, rocking in Fin's arms. "Wow, Benson, you are a firecracker." She shook her head and said, "You know, you're here, in front of the Bellagio, with your husband and, technically, your kid." She smirked, then added, "The husband and father, well, it is your partner."

Olivia chuckled softly as Elliot placed their linked hands on her belly and kissed her neck again. "Guess I just know how to beat the odds."

Fin smiled at them, then looked at the fountain. "It is real pretty, though," he said, sighing.

"Would have been the perfect place to propose," Elliot said, a small reverent smile on his face.

Olivia turned to him. "The way you asked was perfect."

He chuckled. "On the top of mountain, a week after we kissed for the first time, without thinking, without..."

"Perfect," she whispered. "You regret it now?"

"Not one bit," he said, shaking his head and turning his lower lip out in determined certainty. "Not at all. I'm just saying, ya know, if we were the type of people who plan things, I probably would have done it here."

Melinda laughed. "When is the last time you two planned anything, anyway?"

"Two months ago," Elliot said with a smirk. "We planned this baby." He dropped his chin to Olivia's shoulder, grinning, rubbing their hands in a circle over her belly. "Best plan ever."

"Speakin' of plans," Fin said, taking a deep breath. "Mel and I..." he cleared his throat, trying to figure out how to say it. "We talked about this...we, uh, we kinda like it here."

Elliot's head turned sharply. "You...what?" he asked, his heart pounding. "You're not going back to..."

"No, we are," Melinda interrupted. "Just to, ya know, sell the house and...we can't move out here until we have jobs and a place so it'll take some time. A lot of time, probably, it's just..."

Fin shook his head and shrugged. "The air out here is..."

"The same smog floating over Manhattan," Elliot almost yelled. "You're seriously moving across the country? Fin, that's not...you promised me that if anything happened to me you'd take care of Liv! How can you do that if..."

"What?" Olivia asked, fully facing him now.

Fin ran a hand down his face. "Look, man, you knew that the unit ain't forever, people move, they die, shit happens. It's all right for you to leave your family and run off with Benson, not givin' a fuck about anyone else, but me and my wife wanna move and that's not okay?"

"You know what happened with me and Liv..." Elliot stopped yelling. He narrowed his eyes, fuming, but he stopped before he could say something he'd regret. "Fin, I don't mean to sound like I'm not supportive, or happy for you, but...we lost Munch. That was bad enough. What the hell am I supposed to do without you? Next to Liv, you're my best friend. You've been there..."

"We're not gonna stop bein' friends just because I don't live there anymore," Fin assured him. "I've gotta be that little one's Godfather, ya know. I can't be gone for too long before comin' back. We got weekends, you guys can come out for the kids Spring Break, summer vacations, we'll fly home for Christmas and...this ain't the end of things, man."

Elliot took a deep breath, holding onto Olivia a bit tighter. "Yeah," he said, nodding. "Okay." He turned his head and kissed her sweetly, sighing against her.

She looked into his eyes, seeing the worry and the fear, but she kissed him, nuzzled his nose, and whispered, "You've got me, El."

He smiled against her lips. "I do, and I love you," he told her softly. He pulled away from her and ran his hands down her arms, grabbing her hands. "Come on," he sighed, jerking his head down the strip.

She let him pull her, they were followed by Fin and Melinda, walking back toward their hotel.

* * *

"You're not asleep, are you?" Olivia mumbled into Elliot's chest as they cuddled together, his body wrapped around her like a blanket.

He sighed, she felt his breath on her neck. "No," he said, almost regretting it. "You're not either. Why?"

She rolled over to look at him. "I knew you weren't asleep," she said with a shrug. "Something's bothering you, and I know what it is, but you can't let it..."

"He's not supposed to leave," he whispered. "I asked him, a long time ago...he promised me...if anything ever happened to me he would be there for you, the kids. We're having a baby, you're gonna be off-duty, I'm gonna have a partner that I don't trust, if something happens..."

"Well, you're just going to have to make sure nothing happens, then, aren't you?" she asked, smirking but very serious.

He laughed and nodded. "I am, yeah," he said, kissing her. "I guess I should be happy for him, ya know, he's found the woman of his dreams, and if he wants to move out here with her...if they'll be happy out here...then more power to them. All I need is you and my kids. Our kids."

She cut him off with another kiss. "There's my Elliot," she whispered, smiling against his lips.

"Hmm," he moaned, pulling her closer. He whispered, "Fuck 'em," and kissed her again. "Doesn't matter," he spat, yet again pressing his lips to hers. "We're gonna be fine without them, absolutely fine." He pulled her up, onto him, gripping at her tee shirt. He pulled it up, and she thought he was gonna take it off, but he only lifted it over her stomach.

He was staring at her stomach, a silly smile on his face. "There's a baby in there," he whispered. "A little life with a little of you and a little of me, Liv. In there. Right here," he said, spreading his palm over her slight swell.

She looked at him, then down at his hand on her body. She wasn't showing at all, she wasn't even sure the baby was any bigger than her thumb, but the moment they were sharing brought tears to her eyes. "Yes," she whispered, "Right there." She dropped a hand over his and said, "Right here."

"This is my reason," he whispered, his eyes still focused on their hands. He linked his fingers with hers. "My reason for everything. You, this baby, the kids." He slipped his other hand up her body, wrapping it around the back of her neck and pulling her down to him. "Kiss me," he whispered, his eyes closed and his lips running over hers. "Kiss me, baby."

She cupped his face and kissed him deeply, and the tips of her fingers caught the tears that began to fell. "What's wrong?" she asked, quiet, still kissing him. "Talk to me."

He sniffled and shook his head. "I'm happy," he whispered back to her. "Happier than I've ever been, and part of me...God, I am so scared that you..."

She kissed him again, shaking her head. "I swear to you, just like you promised me, I'm not going anywhere, ever." She dropped her forehead to his and said, "They'll change their minds."

"You think so?" he asked, sniffling.

She laughed. "Once they get back to New York, they'll fall in love with their lives there all over again. Right now, they're just living in the moment. Making plans that they'll never follow through."

"We've followed through with every, single, spontaneous thought we have had in the last ten months." He looked into her eyes. "Why should they be any different?"

"Because they actually stop and think about things, El," she said. "We don't."

He chuckled and kissed her again, pulling her back toward the mattress and cuddling her close. He sighed as his eyes closed. "They're not the only reason I've been upset all day," he admitted.

"I know," she said to him, kissing his forehead. "Just remember, it's only temporary."

He nodded with closed eyes, kissed her lips once more, and exhaled as he pulled her closer, trying to force himself into sleep. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too, honey," she softly replied. She fell asleep fast, against his hard, safe body, but he was still wide awake.

There was no way he could sleep when he knew that when they got home, two of his children wouldn't be there, and his best friend would be leaving. He pulled Olivia even closer and stared at the ceiling, quietly wondering what he was gonna do.

Someone, somewhere, was listening, though. Any Catholic man knows that his prayers are often answered.

**A/N: The flight home, getting back to work, and telling Cragen about the baby. His reaction? And Elliot gets a surprise. Next. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: "The incredible truth found in a single moment can make every lie you were ever told meaningless." **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Fin eyed Elliot with a slight smirk as the group ate breakfast in the hotel's restaurant. He kept shaking his head and snickering, chewing on his waffles and drinking his coffee.

Elliot sipped his glass of orange juice, shot Olivia a look, and then turned to Fin. "What?' he asked, dropping his fork and folding his arms.

"Nothin,' man," Fin said, chuckling. "Just, maybe, be a little more careful about the volume in your room when the walls around you are that thin."

Olivia dropped her head into her hands, resting her elbows on the table. "Wow," she mumbled. "That's just…wow."

Fin laughed a bit louder. "Hey, you should be very proud. It sounded very, uh, professional."

"Thanks," Elliot said, scoffing. "We sound like porn stars, is that what you…"

Melinda interrupted him. "You were loud," she said, shrugging. "Very, uh, vocal. It was pretty damn early, so I commend you for your incredible amount of energy and stamina."

Elliot cleared his throat and picked up his fork, and he smirked a bit as he said, "Once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and at least twice after dinner. It's been a bit more than that for the past couple of weeks, though, since her hormones are…"

"Elliot!" Olivia spat, hitting him in the shoulder.

He laughed, almost spitting out his juice. "What, baby? They're not gonna…"

"Whoa," Fin said, finally realizing. "That's…like…man, that's insane! You have more sex in one day than we have in, like, a month!"

"Nice, Fin," Melinda said, turning her head to her husband.

Fin laughed and shook his head. "Hey, man, when's your flight?"

Elliot looked at his watch. "In about eight hours," he said. "So we need to gamble, get trashed, get arrested, and buy a small country before five," he laughed.

Olivia scoffed. "You can get trashed," she said. "Even if I was a drinker, I couldn't."

He put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. "I was kidding, honey. I'm not drinking today. Not at all."

"You could," she told him. She kissed him softly and whispered, "You should have a good time with Fin, El. I'll be…"

"No," he said, shaking his head as he cut her off. "I wanna be totally aware, totally present, for every single second of this," he told her, kissing her again as his hands slid down around her stomach.

She smiled at him and picked up her own fork. She took a breath and looked down at her plate, trying to forget that he'd been up all night, and their loud lovemaking that morning was a distraction from the harsh reality they'd be heading home to in a few hours.

* * *

After breakfast, the quartet walked out of the hotel and down the strip, retracing their steps from the night before. They did some shopping, a bit of dancing, and took in a show at another hotel. The afternoon was amazing, and the group was enjoying themselves, forgetting all about what was waiting for them back in New York.

Elliot grabbed Olivia's hand, laughing as he pulled her out of The Paris Hotel. He tugged her into him, wrapping his arms around her, and swayed back and forth, humming one of the songs they'd danced to an hour earlier.

Olivia looked at him with a quizzical smile. "Are you all right?" she asked.

"Perfect," he said, smiling back at her. "Dancing with my pregnant wife in the middle of a crowded Vegas street? It doesn't get any better than this."

Melinda smiled as she watched them dancing to music created by Elliot himself, and she leaned into Fin. "You never dance with me like that."

"We just went dancing,' he said to her. "What the…"

"Not like that," Melinda interrupted. "The way they are with each other, it's so…there aren't any words."

Fin wrapped his arms around Melinda, kissed her, and said, "They got somethin' special. Somethin' they never would have admitted if Munch hadn't…"

Melinda kissed him to quiet him, knowing talking about Munch got to Fin more than anything. "Yeah, things have a way of working out, ya know? Something wonderful came from something tragic, and look at them, Fin. Baby, I have never seen either of them smile like that."

"We can hear you, ya know," Elliot said, chuckling, nuzzling Olivia's nose as he kept her moving in his arms.

Fin laughed. "Sorry, man. We thought you were lost in your own world."

"We were," he said, looking away from Olivia and at Fin. "But you two talking about how adorable we are kind of snapped us out of it." He linked both of his hands with Olivia's and pulled her toward Fin and Melinda, and the group headed for the hotel.

* * *

Elliot didn't let go of his wife's hands as he led her through the doors, into the elevator, and toward their room. "We have to pack," he said, nodding at Fin, "But you guys can come in. We can order something from room service, hang out a bit before we go."

Fin nodded, resting his hand on Melinda's back as he ushered her into the room. He sat on the corner of the bed and sighed, looking around at the space. "You guys sure you have to go so early?"

Olivia gave him a sad smirk. "Yeah. It's a school night, and we have to work in the morning, so we should…"

"Right, I keep forgettin' you've got older kids now, Baby-Girl," he said with a laugh. "Tell Cragen we'll be back on Tuesday, huh?"

Elliot shook his head. "Man, we've got a lot to tell Cragen. He doesn't know Liv's…I don't know how to tell him she's having a…"

"You didn't tell him?" Melinda asked, stunned. "He's not gonna take this very well, not after you kept it from him for this long. You know he wanted to be the first…well, second person who…"

"Yeah, well, he hasn't been the most supportive boss lately," Elliot said, throwing things into his suitcase. "He was against this from the beginning, let her work with someone who tried to attack her, gave me a lecture about making sure I knew what I was doing, as if he didn't think I really loved her. He tried everything to keep us apart, and when he finally realized…"

"El," Olivia said, grabbing his hands. "Calm down! You almost threw the hotel phone into the damn suitcase! Cragen is gonna put me on a desk, we know that, don't…"

"Shit," Fin said, running a hand down his face. "I didn't even think about…well, damn."

"What?" Melinda asked, running a hand over his shoulder.

Fin looked at her with worried eyes. "Maybe we should wait a while, ya know? I need to be there if Liv isn't gonna be…"

"You need to have his back because she can't," Melinda said, nodding once, understanding. "That's…yeah, that's something you should do."

Elliot looked away from Olivia and shot his head toward Fin, shocked. "You're…you're gonna…you can't do that man. I thought a lot about this last night, and it's not fair of me to…"

"I thought about it, too, Elliot," Fin interrupted. "I can't leave you guys, not until I know you're gonna be okay. Besides, I'd be haunted for the rest of my life by Munch for leavin' you when ya needed me the most." He laughed and looked toward Melinda.

She smiled and said, "And I kinda like the idea of getting fat right along with you, Olivia," she said, turning toward Olivia, who still had the phone in her hands.

"You…Mel, you're…" Olivia's eyes widened and she smiled. "Really?"

Melinda nodded. "Found out this morning," she said, grinning. "Fin made me take four tests, that's why we were awake when we heard the two of you. We were looking for a good moment to tell you."

Olivia gave Melinda a hug, laughing, silently thanking God for giving her someone else with whom to experience things. "That's wonderful," she said.

Melinda nodded, and she pulled back from Olivia a bit. "Looks like you're stuck with us for a little while longer."

"Thank God for that," Elliot said with a hard chuckle.

Olivia looked at him then, wondering how he always voiced her own thoughts. She smiled at him as she watched him zip up his suitcase, and she sighed. One of their prayers had been answered, and she could only hope they would get home to find out their other ones had been, too. Her eyes drifted toward the ceiling as her hand curved over her belly. "John," she whispered.

It was both a plea for Munch's help, and another wish. Now, more than ever, she wanted a boy.

**A/N: The flight home, telling Cragen, and the girls talk about their first night with Kathy. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 **


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: "It's only a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, but its impact is that of a meteor crashing into Earth."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked, his head tilted only a bit as he studied his wife's face. She had just popped up from what he thought was a peaceful sleep. She looked uncomfortable, she looked pensive, she looked…terrified.

"Fine," she lied, nodding quickly. "I'm fine. Just…"

"Here," he interrupted. He took her hand, squeezed tightly, and ran his other head over her head. "What's the problem?"

She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as her head dropped to his strong shoulder. "Bad dream," she said, shaking a bit.

He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, breathing her in just a bit. "Tell me," he said softly. The only demands he ever made were soft ones.

"When we land," she whispered, nuzzling into the groove of his neck and shoulder. "I don't wanna think about it while we're still in the air."

"Wow. That bad, huh?" he asked, a small, comforting smile on his face as he attempted to peer down at her. "Baby, you're fine. We're both fine. Just breathe for me, huh?"

She nodded, trying to get her body closer to his. Something had scared her, something had filled her heart and mind with such dread that she couldn't process the fact that it hadn't been real. That it was just a dream. She felt her hands shaking, she felt her breathing grow shallow, and she knotted her hands in his tee-shirt. "Not again," she whispered with a shaky voice.

"Breathe, honey," he whispered to her, running his hands down her arms and back, soothing her. "Deep breaths, don't panic, everything's fine, Liv."

She looked up at him, then. That word. That name. "Liv," she said quietly, to herself, with a small grin. That calmed her. Eased her worried mind. That name from his lips made everything all better, it made everything okay. It reminded her that he, no matter what, was her partner. He would be there to protect her in the field, at the office, and at home. "El," she said a little louder, so he could hear her.

He nodded. "I'm right here, baby," he said, his voice sweet, concerned. He bent his head and kissed her lips, soft and gentle, telling her how much he truly did love her.

She moved into him, though, deepening the kiss. She moved her hands to his face, cupping tightly as if she was afraid he'd somehow vanish in a moment. " I love you," she said, breathy and flushed, as she pulled away from him.

"Yeah." His word made no sense, but his mind had gone to mush with that kiss and coherent thought was lost. "I love you, too," he said when he could form whole phrases again. He smiled at her and held her close, relaxing into the cabin chair. "So, uh, when we land, I was thinking…"

"That's never good," she said, teasing him, showing she was now calm and back to her usual self.

He nudged her, scoffing. "Thanks," he said, feigning offense. "Can I tell you the rest…"

"Go ahead," she interrupted with a chuckle.

He kissed her forehead as he laughed and continued. "When we land, I wanna go to the station."

"You wanna go to work? Now? Are you…"

"No, honey, I wanna tell Cragen. About the move, about the baby, about…"

"Isn't it too soon to talk about moving? We haven't even really talked about it yet," she said, sitting up a bit. "It was just a thought we had when the attendant gave us peanuts."

He laughed again. "We will eventually have to move out of the house, Liv. Katie and Mo are coming back in a little while, Lizzie and Dickie are gonna need bigger rooms soon, we've got this little guy now and who knows how many in the future…"

"Who knows how…are you out of your mind?" she asked, stunned. "You think I'm some kind of bionic woman? I'm not gonna be able to…"

"Right," he interrupted. "Which is why as soon as we can try for another one, we are. I want as many little Benson-Stablers as we can make, baby." He growled a bit and kissed her hungrily. "And we have plenty of time to have them, so stop being so pessimistic."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, then made herself comfortable against him again. "So for the first ten years of our married life, you intend to keep me barefoot and pregnant?"

"Damn right," he said, nodding firmly. His hands wound around her body, settling on her slight bump. "You think it's a boy, don't you?"

She craned her neck back to look at him. "I think the odds are pretty good. You're due for another boy."

"But you really want a girl," he said, drawing circles over her clothed stomach. "I can tell. You want to buy her pretty little dresses, and teach her how to dance, and do her hair in little braids. You want…"

"Me or you?" she asked, a light in her eyes glowing brightly.

He smiled and kissed her. "Maybe that was more me than you," he said, nuzzling her nose. "But you know you'd be amazing with a little girl."

She grinned at him and kissed him again, laughing when their lips met. "I'd be pretty damn good with a little boy, too, ya know."

"I have no doubt about that," he chuckled. "I remember how great you were with Dickie. How you are with him now. You're incredible, you know that?"

She kissed him once more, then settled into his chest. "I know," she said with a smile. But thoughts of her horrid dream crept back into her head, changing her mind.

* * *

After a smooth landing, a less-than-smooth journey through the security gates, and a hellish taxi ride to the precinct, the couple had made their way up to their squad room. They shook hands with the pair that had taken over for them, thanking them again, and then took simultaneous deep breaths as they walked toward Cragen's office door.

Elliot knocked, Olivia held his hand, and they froze when the door opened. "Hey, Cap," Elliot said, perhaps too cheerfully.

"What are the two of you doing here?" he asked, not happy to see them, but not annoyed, either. Just curious.

Olivia gave Elliot a nervous glance, then looked at Cragen. "We need to tell you something," she said, biting her bottom lip.

"Oh," Cragen said, dropping his head and sighing. "Oh. No."

"It's nothing bad," Elliot said, trying to change the man's reaction.

Cragen stepped to his right and allowed the pair to walk into his office, but his demeanor didn't change. "I know what this is," he said, "And it's not good. Not for me." He closed the door and strode in silence to his desk. He leaned up against the side of it and asked, "When?"

"When…what?" Olivia asked, tilting her head.

"How pregnant are you?" Cragen asked. "When did you find out, how long do I have to find a replacement before…"

"Whoa!" Elliot shouted, getting up. "Replacement? You mean temporary, right?"

Cragen sighed again. "Look, Elliot, I am happy for you. Really, I am. But this…this was not supposed to happen. This was supposed to be a comfort thing until…I stood by, and I watched you get married at that courthouse because I had no choice. I thought you'd wake up, snap out of it, realize you made a mistake and…"  
"This child is not a mistake," Elliot said darkly.

His tone and his form startled Olivia. Hearing him say it so convincingly almost made her believe it, that this was all supposed to happen some way or another, and that this was truly the path her life was supposed to take. She smiled at her man, silently thanking him for the last push she needed to convince herself.

"I'm not saying it is," Cragen said, his tone matching Elliot's. "But since this is more serious than I gave it credit for, I can't hide this! I cannot be part of a cover-up, here, and you can't be together and work in the same unit. I'm sorry, but I've been telling Tucker and the other rats that this was gonna end, blow over, that's the only reason they haven't…"

"Try again," Elliot said, gritting his teeth. "Tucker sent us a card after we called him the night we got back from the courthouse. Ya know, as much of a scumbag as he is, he asked if we needed anything. He started a goddamned baby pool at the offices, and I think he might have won!" He was yelling now. Fuming. "So what's next, Cap? What other excuse are you gonna use to justify the fact that you don't think I'm good enough for her?"

"Nothing!" Cragen barked, infuriated and annoyed. "There is nothing else, Elliot! Okay? That's it! You're not good enough for her! I don't think you ever will be!"

Olivia's heart stopped. "Captain!" she gasped. "You really…how could he not…"

Cragen exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry," he said as his eyes dropped. "I just think you deserve more than being someone's second choice. I wanted you to find someone your own age, someone who would provide for you and your family, so you wouldn't have to worry about someone else's kids for the rest of your life. Or worry if they're still in love with their ex. I've lived that life, Olivia, and it's heartbreaking."

"Look at me," Elliot said. "Cap, look at me!"

Cragen turned his head slowly from Olivia to Elliot, remaining silent.

"That's not gonna happen," he said, softer this time. "You know it. You do. So just…you have six months to find someone to take over for her, eight to find someone to take over for me, and when we're ready, we're both coming back. Together." He nodded once at Cragen, smirking. "I have never loved anyone the way I love her, so she was, is, and always will be my first choice. I am not in love with Kathy, and Liv loves my kids. She loved them even before she had to, so your argument here is completely invalid."

"Yeah," Cragen sighed, admitting defeat.

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "That's what scares you, really. You know I will never break her heart, so she will never have a reason to come to you for anything anymore. She's got me, and I'm all she needs. All she will ever need."

"Terrifies me," Cragen said, giving a short nod.

Olivia stood up, then, and walked to him. "I will still need you," she said gently, resting a hand on his shoulder. "You're the closest thing I've ever had to a father, and you know when he pisses me off to the point where I wanna kill him, I'll need to talk to you." She watched him smile and she laughed a bit. "Please, just be happy for us, and be Grandpa Don to this baby, and stop fighting so hard against it all."

"Yeah," Cragen said again, giving Olivia a small hug. "Take your own advice," he whispered to her.

She pulled away from him, her eyes twitching in realization. She smiled at him, then moved back to take Elliot's hand and lead him out of the office. She took a breath and looked up toward the ceiling.

It was never about Cragen's uncertainty or fear, it was never about his ill-will or discontent, and it was all about her. Cragen needed to prove, because Munch couldn't, that Olivia was holding back, afraid to be truly happy. That's what her nightmare on the plane had been about. It was over now. She accepted it, and she wanted it. Needed it. Loved it. All it took was defending everything she had to someone she never thought she would.

As they stepped in the elevator, she kissed Elliot soundly on the lips, and she smiled. "I love you," she said with a soft chuckle.

"I love you, too, baby," he returned, kissing her back eagerly.

When they got home, though, they would find their good moods, among other things, shattered and broken.

**A/N: What's broken? How did Kathleen and Maureen like their time with their mother so far? And Melinda and Fin come back with a surprise. For whom? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: "Another moment, another lifetime gone in seconds, another birth of something new."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters? Dick Wolf. This story? TStabler©**

Elliot watched Olivia, all day, and he couldn't put his finger on what was wrong with her. He knew there was something, though. He moved across the lot toward the coroner's van, over to her and their vic. "Hey, can I talk to you?"

"In a minute," she said, not looking at him. She spoke with the ME who was filling in for Melinda, and she nodded as he closed the doors. She sighed, watching the man get into the vehicle and drive away with their vic.

"Liv," he said, behind her. "What's wrong with you?"

She sighed again and looked at him. "We just put a dead twelve year old in a black bag, El," she said. "I'm not exactly gonna be all smiles."

He shook his head, and as they walked back toward their sedan he said, "Not just now. All day. Since we woke up this morning, you have been acting like you lost your best friend, and I'm right here." He licked his lips and opened the driver's side door.

She rolled her eyes and got in, buckling up. "I'm fine," she said, her usual unconvincing tone clear.

He turned the key, and he looked at her. "Liv, I don't want to take this case if it's gonna..."

"El!" she snapped, looking at him with worried eyes. "Do me a favor?"

"Yeah," he said, nodding. "Anything."

She let the worry turn to contempt and she said, "Shut up and drive!"

He furrowed his brow and shook his head in disbelief, putting the car into gear and driving away. "What's the problem? he asked again. "I'm not leaving this alone, Liv. You keep looking at me like I have five heads, and you're snapping at me for nothing, and you've got this look in your eyes..."

"What look?" she asked, overlapping him, annoyed.

"The look you had in your eyes when you were having those dreams," he said loudly, not meaning to yell, but matching her tone. "Which means you had another one, and you have to talk to me about it! Now, I need you to tell me what I did, because..."

"Nothing," she snapped. "It wasn't you. It's not you. I just..."

"What?" he interrupted. "You just what, Olivia?" he asked loudly, as he sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair.

She looked at him, her jaw snapping shut. He never called her by her full name. "I..." she choked out before the first tear fell from her welled up eyes."I don't wanna do this," she whispered.

He kept darting his head back and forth, looking from her to the road. "Do what?"

She swatted at her eyes, almost angrily, upset with herself for crying. "I can't...do this. Any of it. I don't know how I thought I could. El, I don't know how to be what you want me to be."

"What I want you to..." He stopped mid-sentence, pulled the car over, and put on the emergency flashers. He turned his body toward hers and he brushed her hair back. "I want you to be you, honey. Just you. That's all I'm ever gonna want."

Her lower lip quivered a bit, her eyes watered over, and she shook her head. "I can't be the woman you need. I can't be the kind of mother your child deserves." She sniffled and looked away from him. "I'm sorry."

"And just what in the fucking hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked, not yelling now, whispering. He was terrified. "Liv, it's really too late to start thinking we made some kind of mistake here. I thought we got over this, I mean, I thought once we finally got through to Cragen…what is bothering you?"

She sniffled again. "For years I watched you be this incredible father. The way you love the kids, the way you're there for them, no matter what. The way your eyes light up when they're around." She wiped her eyes again. "I watched Kathy...before everything happened...and she was...God, she was a great mother, El."

"And you don't think you're gonna be great?" he asked, shocked.

She shook her head harshly and she sniffled again, letting out a hard sob. "I know I'm not. I can't be like her, El. I can't cook, I can't clean, I can't turn off the part of me that thinks I'm gonna turn into my mother, and that thought alone is the most terrifying..."

"You wanted a baby," he whispered, interrupting her. "This child was planned, and loved before it even existed. We created this child because we wanted to raise him, or her, together. So right there, you're nothing like your mother." He rested a hand on her cheek, stroking lightly. "You've wanted this for so long, and now you're..." he shook his head, changing hid mind about letting his anger get the best of him. He took a deep breath. "I thought we had this discussion already, baby. I thought I told you how incredible you're gonna be."

She looked at him, fear in her eyes, waiting. "How can you be so sure I'm not gonna screw up?"

"Look at the way you've been with my kids," he said. "The way you love them, the way you are with them. The love and the pride that you feel, and the way your eyes light up when they're around the same way mind do." He smoothed his hand back over her head again, playing with her hair. "God, baby, I wish you could see what I see when I look at you," he told her.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious," he said, nodding at her once. "I'd give anything if you could realize how amazing you are, and what an incredible mother you're gonna be." He leaned closer to her. "Do you love me?"

She looked at him, her eyes wide. "You know I do," she said to him.

"Do you love our baby, Liv?" he asked, his other hand skimming over her slight bump.

Her lip quaked again, and she nodded as her eyes threatened to close and spill more tears.

He pressed his lips to hers gently, and he whispered, "That's all you need to know, then, isn't it?" He looked into her eyes, wiped away her tears with his thumbs, and he said, "I know you're scared. I know you're nervous, but I am right here, honey. I'm not gonna let you down, and I'm never gonna leave you alone, you know that."

She nodded and kissed him again. She opened her mouth to speak again, but Elliot's phone rang. He held her gaze as he answered it, saying his last name into the device. "We're on the way, we just...hit a bump in the road, that's all. No, uh, we're fine."

She smiled softly at him as he caressed her cheek again, and she watched him hang up and start the car again. She wiped her eyes, and she took a deep breath, but she couldn't help but feel the doubt at the back of her mind that she wasn't good enough for him, or his children. But, she knew, he loved her and he wanted her, and that held more weight than her insecurity.

When they got back to the station, they were both surprised to see Fin in his chair, at his desk, looking as if he'd not only been caught up on the case, but that he'd made some headway on it already.

"What are you doing here?" Elliot asked, giving his friend a pat on the shoulder.

"Oh, uh, well," Fin said, uncomfortable, "Honeymoon's over."

Elliot dropped his gaze. "What happened?"

Fin exhaled, then scratched his head. "I think we made a mistake. Me and Mel. We had time to think on the plane, and maybe it was just the fact that we were in Vegas, ya know?"

"You guys were fine when we left," Elliot said. "What changed?"

Fin rolled his eyes. "She started talkin' about the dress she wanted, and the cake she wanted, and the fact that no one was there, and she had to tell her mother we got married over the phone, and how she cried..." he stopped, shrugging. "Guess we can't all be like you and Benson."

Elliot raised an eyebrow and folded his arms. "What exactly does that mean?"

Olivia was tuning in, too, listening and trying to ignore the amused look on Breslin's face.

Fin folded his arms, too, and said, "The two of you jumped into everything, did whatever the fuck you wanted, not caring that Cragen's ass is on the line and you have a lot of people pissed off they weren't invited to the wedding."

Elliot tried to keep his temper in check. "Fin, we went to the courthouse, it wasn't..."

"And you're still goin' with it," Fin continued. "You're havin' this baby when your ex-wife is dealin' with her own traumatic pregnancy. You're gonna have to be there for her, too. And you got four kids who probably ain't ready for any new little bother or sister."

Elliot blinked. "I can't believe you...my kids love Liv, and they're excited about the baby. Liv and I didn't do anything we weren't ready to do, and we were living for ourselves for once. So yeah, we really didn't care about anyone else, but it's because no one else mattered."

Fin scoffed. "Yeah, well, do they matter now? You gonna go in there and thank Cragen for keepin' IAB off your asses for this? You gonna thank Tucker for listenin' to him?"

Elliot shook his head and sighed. "Fin, man, look, just talk to Melinda. Plan the big wedding she wants, but don't throw your marriage away. Nothing says you can't just have the reception."

Fin rolled his eyes. "You got a solution for everything, don't you, Stabler?" he scoffed. "Bet that pisses Olivia off, huh?"

"What's..." Elliot stopped, sensing something. He turned and looked at Olivia, her lip caught between her teeth. "Liv," he whispered, walking toward her.

She smiled at him and she tugged on his tie. "You really don't regret anything, do you?"

"Not one moment," he said, shaking his head. "I couldn't breathe when I thought you did, but you don't, right?"

She smiled at him again and said, "Of course not. I just...you don't hate me for freaking out, do you?"

"No," he said, interrupting her as he shook his head. "No, and I am so sorry I snapped at you in the car. I should have listened to you before getting so..." he sighed, stopping, and he brushed her hair back. "I know what this was, and so do you, right?"

She nodded and chuckled a bit. "Hormones," she said. "Fear and a little anxiety, and a lot of hormones."

He tapped her on the nose with his finger and he winked at her. "Fin's back, so if you wanna go home we..."

She shook her head. "I'm fine," she told him, really meaning it this time. "I can't let this case go. She was twelve, El."

He nodded and smiled at her, feeling blessed that their moment of panic was short-lived and once things had calmed, reality sunk in. Fin's tirade had hit a nerve, showing Elliot that it wasn't just about moments anymore. It was no longer about proving they were alive.

Now, it was about proving they have something to live for, and living for it. He gazed at Olivia, and his heart warmed over, his love for her growing with every passing second, his love for the child she was carrying multiplying with every moment.

He was snapped out of his reverie, though, when Cragen called him from his office doorway. Elliot turned, and his heart dropped. "Kathy?"

Kathy, standing beside Cragen with an obviously swollen belly, said, "Hey, Elliot."

"Stabler," Cragen said, "She's got something you and your partner need to see."

"Really? You can't call her..."

"Not while you're on duty," Cragen interrupted. "I'll call her your wife at ten, but right now, she's just your partner, and she needs to come in here with you."

Elliot turned, meeting Olivia's curious eyes, and he waited for her to stand and move. They walked in step into Cragen's office, letting the door close behind them, and they prepared themselves for the worst.

It wouldn't be enough.

**A/N: What news did Kathy bring and why does it involve Olivia? Why is Cragen protecting them from IAB, and is Tucker really helping him? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: "It's a moment, it passes. It's a memory, it lasts."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to Tstabler©**

Olivia stood in the office, leaning against the door. The look on her face was unreadable to everyone but Elliot. She was toying with the chain around her neck, sliding the charm up and down, and she was looking at the floor.

"Liv," Elliot whispered. "I'm sorry."

She nodded, then took a deep breath as her eyes focused on Cragen's. "Thanks," she said.

"Olivia," Kathy said, stepping forward. "I didn't bring this here to hurt you. I found it, and I thought…I thought you'd want it." She shrugged. "I was just cleaning out the den to make room for the nursery, and…"

"Yeah," Olivia said, her brow furrowing. "I just…how did you even get this, El?" Her head turned to his, and he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

He bit his lip and said, "I went to see her." He shrugged and said, "A long time ago, Liv. I wanted to talk to her, to try and…"

"So this whole time, you knew," she said to him, her voice almost angry. "You knew, Elliot!"

"I didn't know!" he returned, throwing an arm up. "I never read it! She asked me to give it to you when you had a kid of your own, and honestly, it's been so damn long, I forgot about it! God, you think I opened the damned thing? That was all Kathy!"

Olivia's eyes went back to Kathy. "You opened…"

"It didn't have a name on it," Kathy defended. "As soon as I saw it…it was yours…I brought it down here."

"Why didn't you just bring it to me?" Elliot asked. "You jumped right to Cragen! You've reopened the case, now Liv has to find this guy, and arrest him, and lose her only chance at ever really knowing what happened!"

Kathy narrowed her eyes. "What I wanna know, Mister High-and-Mighty, is why the hell you had this in our house, for almost nine years!" She chuckled. "You wouldn't talk to my parents about anything, I had to sit you at opposite ends of the table every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, but you run to your partner's drunken loon of mother, just to…"

"Excuse me?" Olivia hissed. "What did you just say?"

Kathy blinked. "I thought…Elliot always said you…"

"I can say whatever I want about her, I lived with her," Olivia spat. "Don't you dare talk about my mother like that."

Kathy sighed and folded her arms. "I'm supposed to talk lessons in moral integrity coming from a woman who slept with a married man."

"Oh, you blonde bitch," Olivia hissed, leaping toward Kathy.

Elliot moved fast, grabbing her and holding her tight. "Baby!" he yelled. "Baby, honey." He pulled her into his arms, turned her around, and looked into her eyes. "You can't kill her, you're having a baby."

"So am I!" Kathy yelled.

"Shut up!" Elliot and Olivia snapped together.

Cragen stood up. "All of you shut up!" he yelled. "Now we've got a name, you have a job to do, and Kathy thought she was helping!"

"Kathy knew what she was doing," Elliot said, his eyes narrow. "She knew exactly what she was doing." He was rubbing his hands up and down Olivia's arms, calming her as she seethed. "She knew what it would do to Liv, and she knew Liv was…"

"That's not fair!" Kathy yelled. "Seriously, Elliot, I thought she had a right to know who her father is! I thought she'd appreciate knowing who's blood is running through that baby's veins!"

"Mine!" Elliot yelled. His eyes looked cold and for the first time, he saw Kathy flinch. "Mine," he repeated softer. "And hers. That's all that matters."

Olivia shook her head. "Maybe she was just being…"

"She was being spiteful, Liv," he whispered to her. "She's still pissed at me, she's still hung up on you, this is not her just being nice."

Cragen ran a hand down his face. "Intensions aside, you read the letter. You know what she wanted for you, and you know that…"

"I know that she lied to me, my whole life, she let me think he was just some random..." she stopped, she shook her head, and she said, "You know I can't take this case."

"I didn't say you were taking it," Cragen said. "Elliot just assumed since he is, that means you are. He's working on this with Fin."

Elliot looked up at him. "What? You can't…"

"She's got a clear conflict of interest," Cragen said sternly, "And I know you and Fin will take this seriously, because you care about her."

Elliot took a step forward, though his hands remained on Olivia. "You know she'd be able to…"

"Not in her condition," Cragen said. "I don't want any added stress. Not now." He cleared his throat and said, "She shouldn't be involved in this, or anything else for a while. As of right now, she's on a desk. You're out in the field with Fin and Breslin."

Elliot looked at Kathy. "You win," he said. "You finally split us up. Are you happy now?"

Kathy looked at him, her hands resting on her belly. "Elliot, I honestly came here because she has a right to know. I never wanted her benched, you know that. I, more than anyone, knows that she's the best cop in this unit, even over you, so I feel like hell that she's being taken out of the game, but she has an answer to a question that has plagued her since the day she was born."

He opened his mouth to say something, but he saw the sincerity in her eyes. "You're right," he whispered, backing off. "I'm sorry."

Olivia kept a straight face, but she twisted the back of his suit jacket in her hands. She had a name. Finally. And she hated that she owed it to Kathy. "Thank you," she said, nodding once at the blonde.

Kathy gave her a small smile. "You saved my life once, Liv," she said. "I was just returning the favor."

Elliot's eyes flickered with a bit of bitter irritation. He hated that Kathy still called her that, but there was nothing he could do about it. Not without looking like an ass. "Come on," he whispered, pulling Olivia out of the office. "We have to go talk to Tucker."

She tilted her head. "What? Why would we need to…"

"I have to ask him something," Elliot interrupted, dragging his hand down her arm and grabbing her hand.

Kathy watched them leave, rubbing her belly, and she looked at Cragen sadly. She hoped she did the right thing.

* * *

"Come in," Ed Tucker's voice boomed, and he looked up as his office door opened. "You two? What the hell did you do now?"

"Nothing," Elliot said. "We're here to ask what you did. What you're doing. And why."

Tucker raised an eyebrow. "Do you want me to suspend you?"

Elliot sat and, with his hand still clasping Olivia's, he said, "Why are you covering this up? You have been looking for an excuse to get rid of us for years."

Tucker pinched the bridge of his nose. "God," he mumbled. "You can't just leave this alone?"

"No," Elliot said. "I need to know. Is it because you…you knew? About Liv?"

Tucker looked up. "No, Stabler, I hate you. Both of you. More than you could possibly understand. I want you out, but I'm not gonna take your badges for falling in love. Shit, anyone who spends as much time together as you two, and deals with the shit you deal with, is bound to find that kind of connection and comfort whether or not it's legal."

Elliot shook his head. "That doesn't make sense."

"I want to get you on something solid," Tucker said. "Really fuck up, and you're gone. I'm not doing you any favors, I just want your demise to go down on paper looking legit." He looked up at Olivia and said, "And I didn't know about your father. Not until Cragen called me. His number and address are both still in the system. He's easy to find, but…God, Benson, I'm sorry. He was a cop, so no one ever doubted his…"

"I don't blame you," she interrupted. "You weren't even born when she was raped, you had no control over…"

"I'm still sorry," Tucker interrupted. "It sucks."

Olivia sighed. "Yeah. What gets me, though, is he was Munch's first partner. How could someone I hate be so close to someone I…someone I loved."

Elliot squeezed her hand. "We'll find him, baby," he whispered. His free hand wound around her waist and he splayed his palm over her slight bump. "We're gonna get you some answers."

She nodded and looked down, staring at his hand over her stomach, over their child. "I love you," she whispered. "Both of you."

Tucker rolled his eyes. "Get out if you're gonna do that, please? I just ate," he cracked.

Elliot looked at him, then, and said, "You don't hate us as much as you say you do."

"You're right," Tucker sighed. "I hate you more than words could ever possibly explain. Go. Out. Now."

Elliot rolled his eyes and stood, pulling Olivia gently toward the door. Tucker watched them go and sighed. "One of these days," he mumbled to himself, "You'll realize what this is all about."

**A/N: A sweet moment between Olivia and Elliot, that may "unstick" them forever, is next. Could this be the end? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: "Each moment is filled with breath, a heartbeat, an emotion. Alone, each single moment is an existence all its own, with a life, an identity, and a death. Mourn the loss of each of each moment quickly, because unto it is born a new one."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia spent the majority of her day typing away at the keys of her computer. She had finished her paperwork, all of Elliot's, and most of Fin's when she decided she had enough. "Shit," she mumbled, running her fingers through her hair. Her wedding band got snagged in a strand, making her seethe, and drawing her attention to her hand when she detached it from her head.

She looked down at her left hand, her engagement ring encased snugly in a diamond and platinum band that she knew cost Elliot more than he would ever admit. She sighed as she wiggled her fingers, and she realized that what had once been important to her no longer mattered, and more important things had taken their places. She bit her lip as she mulled something over, as the gears turned slowly in her head.

Breslin hung up the phone, turned his head, and called out to her. "Hey, Benson!"

"Stabler," she mumbled, answering him without looking.

Breslin furrowed his brow and leaned forward. "What?" he asked, confused. "Are you all right?"

She placed her right hand over the barely-visible swell of her belly, and she shook her head. "No, I'm not."

Breslin watched as she stood up suddenly, and he followed her with his eyes as she stormed over to Cragen's office. He watched her knock, he watched her go inside, and he watched her close the door behind her. "What the hell is going on?" he asked himself, shaking his head. He went back to work, ignoring Olivia, hoping it was nothing serious.

* * *

Elliot threw the door open and yelled into the empty house. "Olivia!" he bellowed, slamming the door. "Wherever you are, kid, you'd better either run or prepare for the biggest fight we have ever…"

"Please, don't yell at me," he heard. Her voice sounded frail, weak. He heard the sniffling, and he walked slowly toward the couch. He rounded the bend and the anger faded, his eyebrows turned up, and he pouted a bit as he knelt in front of her. "Honey, what happened?"

"I can't do it anymore, El," she whispered, shaking her head. Her seventeenth tissue hung limply between her fingers as she dabbed at her leaking eyes. "I can't just sit there, do nothing while you're out there…" she shook her head and swallowed. "I didn't become a cop to sit on my ass and fill out forms all day."

He brushed her hair back and chuckled. "You're having a baby," he whispered. "This is only temporary, I need you to come back with me and…"

"No," she said, firmly. "El, I thought about this. A lot. All night. I argued with myself all morning, and I just…I realized it this afternoon. I can't be there anymore. My whole reason for it…it doesn't matter anymore, El."

"Of course it matters," he said to her, offering her a smile.

She shook her head. "Not with Cragen, not with Fin. Munch's desk is just sitting there and Breslin making those snide comments about you and me." She blinked and a few errant tears fell. "I already talked to Tucker, and the asshole actually tried to talk me out of it."

"Good," Elliot said. He kissed her forehead and said, "You can't leave me like this, baby."

"That's just the thing," she said, sitting up and gazing at him. "Before…when I was gonna leave before, that argument meant something. But now, I'm not leaving you, El." She lifted her left hand and said, "I'm stuck with you, for the rest of my life. Fin will have your back just as much as I did, and someone else can step up and work with Breslin. Monday morning, I'm moving my things up to Technical Response, and I'm making you guys my primary unit. Phone records, tracing, dumping computer files, I'm yours. We'll still…"

"It's not the same," he whispered, his voice sounding sorrowful. "I need you out there, Liv. The last time you left I…"

"Because I was gone, period," she interrupted. "You get to come home with me, now. You come home to me. We're having a baby, El. We'll still have the same hours, and if I finish early I'll come down and…" she took a breath and said, "Cragen asked if I would be available to work with victims, on a case-by-case basis, and he's gonna talk to Taubin and work something out."

He smiled at her and brushed her hair back again. "He really pissed you off, this time, huh?"

She nodded. "I wanna be a wife, El. Your wife. And a mother. To your kids." She cupped his face and held his gaze as she said, "I can't let go of everything that's been holding me back if I'm constantly surrounded by the painful memories of people that have hurt me. This way, I'm still on the job, I'm still working with the vic…"

He cut her off with a kiss. Soft, but deep and meaningful. He gently wound his hands around the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him. He let out the softest of moans and let their lips smack together before kissing her soundly again. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you," she replied, her hands around his waist as he leaned into her.

He pulled away and looked into her eyes. "Are you sure, this is absolutely what you want?"

She nodded. "It's what I need, El," she said, shrugging.

He nodded then, too, and turned, taking a seat beside her. He pulled her close, he held her head to his chest as he rocked slowly with her, and he whispered, "Then we'll give it a shot. Let's say, two weeks, you're not happy, or I'm not happy, you come back?"

She chuckled and looked up at him. "If Cragen will…"

"He will," he said, nodding. "You're the best we've got. He'd be crazy not to want you back," he said. He bent his head and kissed her, and said, "And thank you for getting Cragen to give me Fin."

She smiled. "I knew you'd crack if it was anyone else." She held his head down to hers and kissed him again, and then whispered, "Braden." She kissed him again and said, "Or Connor."

He pulled away from her, confused, and asked, "Who the hell is that?"

She laughed and pulled him back to her for another kiss. "Our son," she whispered. "Maybe. Or what about Devon? Or Liam?"

"Are you…you're giving me a list of Irish names," he said, a small smirk on his face. He chuckled and said, "And what if it's a girl?"

"Brianna," she said, tilting her head. A dreamy, hazy look took over her eyes and she whispered, "Or Kyleigh, and there was Teagan, which means…"

"Beautiful," he whispered, his eyes squinting just a bit. "You spent all night looking up Irish baby names?"

She sniffled as she nodded and said, "And crying." She chuckled and said, "You're my life now, El. You and this baby, and the kids. I want to be able to work from home if I have to some days, if one of the kids is sick, or if I need to run to the school or something I…"

Another kiss cut her off, and he mumbled, "You're so amazing," against her lips. He pulled away and said, "You're thinking like a mother." He kissed her again, trailing his fingers up and down her body. He pulled back and said, "I promise, baby, this won't be anything like…"

"I know," she said, knowing what he was going to say and refuting it before he could finish. "I believe that. One, because Fin is your partner, not some hot lady cop that I would have to compete with, and two, because I'm still there. I'm still with you. I can pop in any time and we're gonna have lunch together, every day, and we're gonna be working on a lot of cases together. Nothing really has to change."

He kissed her again and pulled her into his lap completely, looping his hands around her back. "Aiden, and I have a cousin named Nolan. I always liked is name. Like Nolan Ryan, the baseball player, ya know? It'd be cool."

She laughed and kissed him, rolling her hips to get comfortable, unknowingly arousing him beneath her. "Yeah?"

He bit his lip and nodded. "Reagan, for a girl. That was gonna be my name if I was a girl. So it would kinda be like naming her after me. Oh, and of course, we can't forget my most favorite name in the universe." He nipped at her lips and laughed when she let out a small yelp.

She bit him back, rocked into him again, and smirked when he groaned. "Elliot?" she guessed, teasing.

He shook his head and moved, shifting them so she was on the couch and he was hovering over her. "Olivia," he whispered, kissing her softly.

She let him control things, just for a moment, and she ran her fingers lightly through his hair as she turned her head. "So?" she asked. "Did you find him?" She turned to look at him again and she bit her lip.

He sighed and nodded, then dropped his head to hers. "He says he knew about you, that he'd been watching you. You've, uh…God, baby, you met him. You talked to him and you didn't even know it."

"What?" she asked, sitting up a bit.

He kissed her and pulled her into a tight hug, and he whispered, "We both did. He was a suspect in a rape a few years ago, but we cleared him." He kissed her neck and said, "He told me…he told me to tell you he loves…"

"Don't," she said, shaking her head. "I don't know him, I don't want to know him, he doesn't get to say that. What else did he say?"

He kissed her again, took her hand, and said, "They were married."

"What?" she asked, her eyes narrow.

"This Hollister guy and your mother," he told her with another sigh. "They were married. He went out, drinking. He got into a fight and he came home pissed off. He was so out of it that he can't remember if she tried to stop him, or if she was with him on it. He just…he can't remember." He brushed her hair back and said, "All he remembers is waking up to find all of her stuff gone, her ring on the dresser, and he got annulment papers in the mail."

Olivia let out a soft breath. "Yeah," she interrupted. "That sounds like my mother. Always running from her problems."

He raised an eyebrow and smirked at her. "Gee, I don't know who that sounds like."

She slapped him playfully in the shoulder, scoffing and shaking her head. "Nice, El. I don't run from my problems. Not anymore."

"Because you don't have any anymore," he said, kissing her. "Besides, if you did, we'd handle them together, right?"

She nodded and whispered, "Always."

He kissed her and suddenly pulled away. "Oh!" he snapped. "Breslin told me he heard you…you corrected him today? He called you Benson, and you told him…"

"Stabler," she said with a soft smile. "Another reason I'm transferring. You gave me your name, El. I wanna use it. I can't be Detective Stabler in this unit, it would confuse everyone. Or, God forbid, they'll think we're related."

He laughed and kissed her again. "Remember, baby, two weeks. If either of us thinks it's not working…"

"Then I'm back to being Benson," she said, nodding.

He smiled and said, "You will never go back to being Benson, baby." He kissed her, lowering her back to the cushions on the couch, and he moaned against her lips.

From the top of the stairs, a very curious teenager folded his arms and said, "She's a Stabler." He smiled and walked back into his bedroom, unaware that in the morning, she would prove just how true that statement was.

**A/N: Another moment come and gone, and a moment with Tucker on the horizon. And who's Simon? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: "It only takes a moment to realize the truth. To realize your life has either been worth it or worthless. To realize if you've been right or wrong. To realize if this moment is worth living or not."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

"This is weird," Fin said, shaking his head as he stepped into the elevator.

Elliot sighed. "Imagine how I feel," he said. "I'm so used to looking up at her, and now...now I have to look at you. That's like staring at an original DaVinci and then having someone shove a three-year-olds attempt at coloring in the lines in your face."

Fin folded his arms and scoffed. "Oh, please, you know I'm pretty."

Elliot chuckled. "Liv is...a lot prettier." The lift stopped and the doors opened, the two detectives got off and walked down the hall, heading into the Technical Response Unit. "You got the..."

"Right here," Fin said, holding up a flash drive.

"Okay," Elliot returned, walking over to a desk that seems too clean to be occupied. He smiled as he knocked on the metal.

She looked up, she froze for a moment, then her lips curled into a smirk. "Hello, Detective Stabler," she said with a nod.

"Afternoon, Detective Stabler," he said with a flicker of pride in his eyes.

Fin gave them an eye-roll and shook his head. "Can we please..."

"Yeah," Olivia interrupted. "What can I do for you guys?"

Fin handed her the flash drive. "This won't read on any of the comps we got downstairs. We're hoping you can work your new magic and tell us what's on it," he told her.

"What are you hoping to find on it?" she asked, getting out of her chair and leading them to a computer in the back of the room. She pushed the drive into a slot on the tower and started typing into the prompt box.

Elliot cleared his throat as he watched her work, part of him wishing they were downstairs and part of him wishing they were alone. "Think," he said. "What would be on an encrypted..."

"These?" she questioned, a little bit of Elliot-esque arrogance in her voice as she swiveled the monitor toward them.

Elliot's eyes widened and they traveled from the screen to Olivia's face. "Yeah, those."

"Shit, Elliot," Fin said, shaking his head. "Those girls can't be more than ten years old."

"I can find out for you," Olivia said, typing into her program again. "Facial recognition software on this thing can give you estimated ages of..."

"Are you serious?" Fin interrupted.

Elliot chuckled. "My wife, the computer genius."

Olivia laughed and shook her head. "No, I just know what to type into the damn thing, the software does it all." She clicked the mouse and hit the enter key, then pointed to the screen. "See? Here, the program found no age lines or sun-damage, and it gauged the measurements of her face to give you an estimated age of...shit, seven." Her eyes closed and her hand shot protectively toward her growing belly.

Elliot noticed, and he rested a hand on her back, rubbed gently, and said, "Never gonna happen. I promise you that."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "I'll print these out for you," she said, hitting a few more buttons.

"Uh, excuse me," a man's voice called. "Olivia?"

Olivia turned, but so did Elliot. "Who the hell are you?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Uh, El, this is David McNamara," she said, getting his attention off of the man and back onto her. "He's..."

"Is he your partner?" Elliot asked, sounding a bit like an angry father, folding his arms.

She pressed her lips together, finding his jealousy both sexy and hysterical. "Yeah," she said, "And his boyfriend works down in Organized Crime, so you really don't need to worry about..."

"Wait," he said, snapping his head back to the man. "You're..."

"Flying over the rainbow," the man said, nodding. "Yeah." He chuckled and said, "Not all of us wear our sexuality on our sleeves. Man, she told me you had a temper but she didn't tell me you were so..."

"I am," Elliot interjected. "But as long as I don't have to worry about you trying anything..."

Fin laughed, cutting in. "I think it's Olivia who needs to worry."

Olivia smiled at her former colleague, and she shook her head. "So you wanted something, Dave?"

David smiled at her and said, "Taubin's on a rampage. You got everything filed this morning, right? I don't need you being the newest victim of..."

"It's all done," she said with a nod. "Thanks for the heads-up, though."

"Hey, that's my job, right?" David said with a bright smile. "Protect you and..."

"Actually, it's mine," Elliot said, his brow furrowed and his arms crossed tightly.

David looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "At work, it's mine," he said. "I'm her partner now, and you have to deal with it. I promise, I'll take good care of her, Elliot."

Elliot took a deep breath and nodded. "I have to deal with it," he said. "But I don't have to like it."

David scoffed and looked at Olivia. "I'll let you get back to work," he said. "And you should be sitting down."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Dad," she teased.

As he was walking away, David looked over his shoulder at her. "You shouldn't be wearing heels either."

Olivia chuckled and looked back at Elliot with a sigh. "Well, that happened a lot faster than I thought it would."

"I don't like him," Elliot said. "I don't...I don't think I like this, Liv. I think two weeks was pushing it, I can't last two fucking days."

"Try," she said, narrowing her eyes a bit. "I'm doing okay up here, El." She reached over to the printer, grabbed the photos and stat readouts, and she stapled them together before handing them to him. "We're gonna be fine."

"You don't miss me?" he asked, sounding heartbroken.

She closed her eyes briefly. "Of course I miss you," she told him, "But I don't miss the constant looks from everyone else on the floor, I don't miss staring at Breslin and wishing it was Munch, I don't miss the overprotectiveness from Cragen, and I don't miss dealing with...this." She gave the stack of papers a flick.

He bit his lip and nodded. "I get it," he said. He gave her a quick kiss and said, "I will be up here at nine-thirty, and you'd better be ready to go."

"Or what?" she asked, playfully annoyed.

He smirked. "You will be severely..."

"Okay, we got what we came here for, Stabler," Fin said, pulling him away from her. "I don't need to watch you flirt with her. I had enough of that over the last few years."

Elliot laughed, kissed Olivia lightly again, and walked away with Fin. Olivia watched them walk out the doors, her hand over her stomach, and she sighed. "That was Daddy," she said, a small smile on her face.

David watched her, standing by the computer talking to her child, and he grinned. He would be there for her, whether Elliot wanted him to be or not.

* * *

Olivia walked out of the bathroom, tugging on her pajama bottoms. She was making grimacing faces and grunting, and Elliot couldn't help but laugh at her as he got under the covers of their bed. "What is the problem?"

She made a grumpy face at him and said, "These don't fit."

He gave her a mock-pitiful face and said, "Aw, that's so sad. You're pregnant, honey. Maybe it's time for the M-word."

She raised en eyebrow. "What?"

"Maternity," he said with a laugh, looking at her face. He pulled her into the bed and tugged on the too-small pants, and said, "Or just sleep naked." He kissed her belly, making his way up to her chest, then back down.

She chuckled and said, "El, I..."

"Shh," he whispered, nuzzling over her small bump. "Hey, little one," he said, both of his hands on her belly. "I'm your daddy."

Olivia melted, completely. All thoughts of clothes the didn't fit and a boss with a bigger ego than Elliot flew out of her mind, and she was left with nothing but this moment. She rested her hands on his head and listened.

"I don't know what it's like in their, but I know you're warm, and you're safe," he said, dropping a tender kiss to her navel. "That's not gonna change, ya know. Your mother and I will always keep you warm and safe. I promise." He kissed her bump again, tiny as it was, and he felt her nails scratching up and down his scalp and neck.

She watched him turn his eyes up to look at her, she saw the tears in them, and she whispered, "What happened?"

He shook his head. "It was awful," he said. "We found most of those girls, and they said..." he stopped and he swallowed hard. "They told us what he did to them, details and...the scars, Liv, they...they were so scared, and so little...and I realized that I can't do this without you."

She closed her eyes and felt his lips crossing her skin. "Oh, God, El, I..."

"I was listening to them, like I always do," he whispered, his lips moving lightly against her body. "When they cried, I tried to comfort them the way you do, and I couldn't." He blinked and took a breath, kissing her belly again. "I tried to breathe and tried not to get angry, but you...you were the only thing that kept me calm, Liv. I know that now. And I just...you need to come back, or I need to leave. It's either both of us, or neither of us. It won't work any other way. It can't."

She wrapped her arms around his head, hugging him to her, and she sighed. She knew he was right. "What do you wanna do?"

"Try," he said with a shrug. "See if it changes, and if it doesn't then we'll talk." He kissed her bump, their child, and pulled her hands away from his head, pulling her down to him. "Right now, though, I just wanna forget about it."

"Yeah," she said softly. "Me, too." She kissed him and let him hold her tight, deepen the kiss, and roll her onto her back. She felt him pulling her pants down, and she didn't stop him. She needed his touch, she needed his love.

He tossed the pants to the floor and pulled up on her top, then covered her body with his, letting the memory of the day fade as their bodies melded to one another.

A ringing phone broke them apart, and they both groaned as Elliot reached to answer it. "Stabler," he said, breathless. "Uh, yeah, Fin. All right." He hung up and kissed her slowly, lingering against her lips. "I gotta go," he whispered, then he sunk down and placed a small kiss to her bump. "I'll be back as soon as I can, baby." He kissed her lips again and got out of the bed.

Olivia watched him move, and she bit her lip. She had spent years desperately wanting to know how it felt to be Kathy. Now, she finally knew.

**A/N: How much longer can this last? Who moves? The talk, and a moment with Kathy. Next. Reviews are welcome. **


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: "This is the moment, this is the day, when I sent all my doubts and demons on their way." ~ Jekyll and Hyde**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

She waited for him. One hand on her belly, pacing around the living room, the phone in her hand. She had been biting her lip for the past hour, leaving a small, red sore on her otherwise flawless mouth.

She didn't like it, she realized. Not going with him, not being with him, not knowing what was happening. She looked down at the phone, sighed, and dialed six digits before hanging up.

It was three in the morning, she couldn't call Kathy now. She couldn't apologize and tell her she understood the years of agony and worry. Not now. Maybe not ever. But she did understand, and she hated it.

She heard the key in the lock and the turning of the knob, and she turned to look at the door as it swung open. She dropped the phone back to it's cradle and took a shaky breath when his form came into full view. Despite her attempt to stay strong, she ran to him, throwing her arms around him and squeezing.

"Hey," he whispered in surprise, gently holding her back. "Hey, what is this? What happened?"

She shook her head, stopping the tears that were resting tantalizingly in the corners of her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked again, trying to lead her toward the couch, but finding her strong and firm against him. "Liv?"

Her lips were pressed against his neck as she tried to voice her thoughts. "I just...I couldn't..."

"You were worried? About me?" he asked, cutting her off. He pushed her away from him as much as she could let him so he could look into her eyes. "Why?"

"I wasn't there," she said with resolve, her definitive answer.

He gave her a very small smile, brushed her hair back, and he said, "We've been split up before. There were nights when I was called out with Fin, or Munch. There were days when you were on a case with someone else. We survived."

She swallowed, knowing he was right, but needing to argue her point. "That was different. I wasn't your wife, I wasn't pregnant with your child, I didn't have to worry about losing my husband...that was when...I guess I always just thought that it..."

"Was temporary." He nodded once, kissed her softly, and he said, "Maybe this is, too, Liv. But you..." He nudged her toward the couch, and she moved. "You really like your new department," he said as they sat.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You're changing your..."

"I did a lot of thinking," he said. "Waiting out in the cold, ya know, I had time. I think this is good, baby. I don't...as much as I want you back by my side, right now, I don't want you out there with me. It's not a good idea."

He saw the look she was giving him and he chuckled. "I know you can defend yourself. Hell, you could beat the shit out of me if you had to, but not while you're pregnant. I would rather have you behind a computer, off your feet, taking care of yourself and our little guy."

"Yeah, maybe," she said, offering him a calm grin.

He kissed her again and said, "After we have the baby, maybe you'll come back to SVU, maybe you'll wanna stay up in TARU, or maybe you won't wanna go back to work at all. We have options, and we have time." He kissed her forehead. "What happened, honey? Talk to me."

She sighed, her eyes closing, and she dropped her head to his shoulder. "I just couldn't stop thinking that something horrible was happening, El."

He chuckled and said, "It's hormones, Liv. When Kathy was pregnant with Kathleen, she used to have visions of earthquakes and tornados hitting the station, and she'd call me, panicking, to make sure I was safe. It's hormones, emotions going haywire, and an overactive imagination."

She squeezed him tighter and let out another breath. "Maybe," she mumbled. "I almost called her, by the way."

He furrowed his brow. "Kathy?"

She nodded against his body. "I think you're right about the baby making me slightly neurotic."

He laughed and kissed her forehead. "You and I, baby, are going to be just fine." His hand skimmed up and down her back, his eyes closed, too, as he reveled in the feel her body beneath his fingers.

She nodded. "I know," she whispered. "I just...this is the first time things between us have really felt different. I finally realized just how much everything's changed."

He knitted his brows together and looked at her intently. "You don't regret..."

"No, not a single moment," she interrupted soundly. She pressed her lips to his, she slipped her hands under his shirt, and she whispered, "I love you."

He leaned further into their kiss, pulling her tighter against his body, and he moaned softly. "I love you," he whispered back, pulling away from her. He rose, tugging her to her feet, and said, "Come on. Back to bed."

She yawned and nodded, letting him guide her into their bedroom. She got under the covers and waited for him to do the same, watching with great concentration as he dropped his pants, pulled off his shirt, and climbed into the bed.

She gave him time to get comfortable, and once he was flattened out and covered up, she wrapped herself around him. She felt him move, holding her close, and she heard him mumble something as he fell deeper into oblivious sleep. But she wasn't tired. She was wide awake, thinking, and holding onto him as if she was afraid to let him go. Because she was. She needed something to prove, without a date, that they could survive this. She closed her eyes and sighed against him, hoping she would find it.

* * *

The day had been long enough already, and now the clinking of metal was getting louder and louder in Elliot's ears. He was trying to tune it out, as he had been for almost two hours, until finally he couldn't take it. "Breslin!" he yelled. "What the hell are you doing?"

"This drawer," Breslin said, crouching in front of his desk with a metal nail file. "It's been stuck all day, and nothing I do...damn it!"

Elliot rolled his eyes, got out of his chair, and walked over to the desk. He wrapped his fingers around the drawer handle and pulled hard, giving off a soft grunt. The drawer gave a loud crash back to him as it opened. "There ya go, now stop..." he stopped talking when he saw what was lying in the drawer. "Where did you get that?"

"What?" Breslin asked, looking into the drawer. "Oh, uh, that...that's not mine. That's weird, it wasn't there before."

Elliot dropped his hand into the drawer and lifted out the eight-by-ten photograph, the edges were torn, telling him that it was the object that was caught, keeping the drawer stuck. He ran his other hand down his face as he stared at it, looking at the time stamp on the corner. "How did this..."

"Is that you and Benson?" Breslin asked, confused.

"Stabler," Elliot said with a smile. "This is us...a long time ago."

Breslin looked at the picture and tilted his head. "That's Kathy," he said, pointing to a blond woman in the background.

"Yeah, this was taken at a retirement party for someone we barely knew," Elliot said, shaking his head. "We'd only been partners for a couple of weeks."

"And you're already looking at her like you're in love with her," Breslin teased.

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "Yeah," he said, nodding. "I am, huh?" He narrowed his eyes and said, "She was dating someone named Steve. He's...I don't know where he is."

"Funny how you were with your wife, she was with her boyfriend, yet this picture is of the two of you, looking at each other like that," Breslin commented. "Whoever took this picture saw something that you didn't."

Elliot smiled then. "Munch," he said, laughing. "Munch took this. And this was his way of telling me..." he shook his head again. "He always knows." He nodded once at Breslin then walked out of the squad room.

He was heading up to see Olivia, to tell her that he had proof that nothing could keep them apart, and nothing would come between them.

Nothing, he knew, and no one. He didn't know that someone was already trying.

**A/N: Only two more moments left! Reviews welcome. **


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N:****This has finally been revisited. Sorry for the terribly long wait. **

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

Elliot walked into the TARU squad room, his eyes bright. But when he saw Olivia, standing near a filing cabinet, leaning a little too close to her partner, those eyes narrowed. "Liv," he said, his voice firm.

Her head snapped toward his voice, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she ran to him. Her arms wound around him and her head sunk into his shoulder.

He looked from her to her partner, caught between upset and pissed off. "What the hell did you do to her?"

David's eyes widened. "Nothing!" he almost yelped. "She got a weird e-mail, freaked out, and wanted to go downstairs to get you. I was trying to calm her down, convince her that running to you wasn't...I mean, we were tracing it when you walked in, and..."

"Running to me is exactly what she should always do," Elliot interrupted. He skimmed his hands over Olivia's arms and peered down at her. "What e-mail?"

She took a breath, pointed to her computer, and said, "The printer."

He wound his hand around hers, leading her back behind her desk, and reached out for the paper in the tray of the inkjet. His eyes scanned over it, his jaw tightened at the words. "Who the hell sent this to you? Where the fuck did this come from?"

David, stepping over to him, said, "That's what we're trying to find..."

"I was talking to my wife," Elliot said, his eyes slanting.

With crossed arms, David scoffed. "I don't think she needs to hear you cursing at her right now, actually. She's on the verge of tears. And I am her partner now, Stabler. You're gonna have to deal with it."

Elliot shook his head, pulling Olivia closer to him. He looked down at her computer screen, watching the flashing and scrolling of numbers as it searched for the sender's IP address. "How long is this gonna take?"

"Anywhere from another ten seconds to a few days," David answered. "Depends on how fast it narrows down the numbers, pinpoints the location. If the sender had a stable location, or if it was even sent from a computer, that matters, too."

Elliot's left eye twitched. He turned his head and kissed Olivia's forehead, his eyes closing for the briefest of moments. "As soon as you get a name, you send it down to me, got it?"

"Actually," David said, standing a little taller, "This isn't an SVU case. When we get a hit, my supervisor will..."

"I wasn't asking you to do me a favor," Elliot snapped. "I gave you an order."

David scoffed. "And you think that just because your badge is a different color than mine, you can do that?"

"Guys," Olivia said, her voice more tired than annoyed, "Stop. El, I love you for this, but if I didn't think we could handle..."

"Liv," Elliot interjected, "Some sick fuck claiming to be your father just sent you one of the most disgusting messages I've ever read." He looked into her eyes, serious and severe. "I am not going to sit on the bench for this. If this is your...the man who...well, that makes it a Special Victims case."

"One you can't work," she told him, one eyebrow in the air.

"Yeah? Bullshit," Elliot hissed. "No one threatens you and..."

"We got it covered, Stabler," David said, his patience wearing thin. "I'm not about to just stand by and..."

"Does your captain know?" Elliot asked, ignoring David. He saw Olivia nod, and then he tugged her toward the back of the squad room, heading for her supervisor's office. "We need to make sure he understands that everything you get on this asshole goes down to me. Through Cragen."

Olivia looked over her shoulder to David as Elliot led her away, and she shrugged an apology. She felt relieved, though. Knowing Elliot was with her now, on the case, she felt safer and could breath a lot easier.

* * *

"This picture is..." she stopped, speechless, as she held the glossy photo in trembling hands. "And you said...it wasn't there before?"

Elliot shook his head, stopping his pacing and sitting beside her in her new captain's office. "Breslin swears it wasn't. But...I mean...this has to be him, right? Munch?"

Olivia rested her head on his shoulder as one hand dropped from the edges of the picture to her swelling belly. "He's been sending us a lot of little messages," she said with a soft smile. "So, yeah. I think so."

"We're gonna be okay," he whispered to her, kissing her gently.

"I know," she returned just as quietly.

Elliot shook his head again, going over the emailed threats in his head. "Some of what the tool said...I mean, you wouldn't have taken any of it..."

"He wanted me to leave you," she said, cringing. "He threatened to come after me...the baby...unless I got away from you, and that's just..." She swallowed hard. "No."

He let out a relieved sounding sigh and kissed once more, letting his lips linger on hers for just a bit too long. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she said to him with a nervous smile. She looked back toward her captain, who had just hung up his phone. "Well?"

"Cragen jumped at the chance to nail this son of a bitch," the man said.

Elliot rolled his eyes and slapped a hand against his leg, frustration being released. "I knew he would! Now would you please..."

"He also told me to keep the two of you out of it until it was absolutely necessary," the captain interrupted.

"What?" Elliot snapped. "He knows damn well I would..."

"He knows you would go after the son of a bitch yourself," Olivia said, looking at him. "You're on thin ice already, El. He's trying to keep you from facing murder charges, and he knows that...Cragen knows that I need you here, with me, not out there."

Elliot's head turned and his look softened when he met her eyes. He pulled her close to him and rocked her back and forth. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Just...Captain Foster?"

"Yeah?" the man, no older than Elliot, returned with crossed arms.

"Keep us informed, huh?" Elliot requested.

Foster nodded. "Of course."

There was silence, then, as Elliot and Olivia took comfort in each other and the captain tried to decide whether or not he truly approved of his new detective's choice of life partner. The pensive moment was interrupted, though, when David burst through the door.

"Captain!" the young man yelled. "We got a hit on the..."

"What's his name?" Elliot asked, his voice threatening and his eyes stormy.

David swallowed, gulping down the fear building. He found his voice, and his dominance, and said, "I can't tell you that, Stabler, it's not your..."

"His name!" Elliot yelled. But then he calmed. His eyes went from pissed off to pleading. "Please," he almost whispered.

Olivia looked up, then, her own eyes betraying her anxiety and curiosity. "He's not gonna go after him."

David, giving in for Olivia's sake, sighed. He looked at Foster, who gave a gentle nod. He turned back to Olivia and Elliot and said, "We traced the IP back to a cell phone. Line was registered to a mechanic in Queens, guy named Hollister."

David sent another glance at his captain, gave Olivia an apologetic look, and left the room, hoping to prove once and for all that he was capable of protecting his partner.

* * *

The waiting was killing him. The not knowing was driving him mad. The only solace he had was knowing that his wife and children were safe, home, where nothing could hurt them. He stood, staring out at their street from the picture window in the living room.

He was waiting for someone to drive up, for someone to tell him it was over, or that it was all a bad joke. He sighed, then, as he felt her arms wrap around him, as he felt her body press against his, her chest tight against his back, her arms dragging lazily down his chest. He moaned softly and tilted his head back. "Hi."

"Hi," she replied, sliding her hands back up his body. "Come to bed."

He shook his head. "Not sleeping. Not tonight. Someone threatened to...I'm not taking chances. I'm not even blinking until this prick is out of our lives."

She dropped a kiss to his neck, then three soft ones to his shoulder blades. "I can't sleep without you. You know that."

He turned around in her arms, and he wrapped his own around her. "And I can't sleep knowing that some lunatic has his sights on you, and what he said in that...the things he said he would..." he choked back the urge to gag. "I'm not taking my eyes off of our front door until someone calls and tells me he's locked up."

She kissed him and a small smile was flattened between their joined lips. "You're amazing," she whispered. "An amazing man, an amazing partner, an amazing father...lover...husband..."

"With an amazing wife," he interrupted. "One that I would kill and die for."

"I pray every night that you will never do either," she whispered, kissing his neck.

He looked over her head, catching sight of the photo from Breslin's desk on the coffee table. "Shit," he said, running toward it, almost pushing Olivia away from him.

"What?" she asked, stunned.

Elliot lifted the photo and shook it. "Munch," he said. "He was trying to tell us...God, I don't know why I never..."

"Slow down," she said, walking toward him. "What?"

Elliot held out the picture and pointed. "This was taken at Stevenson's retirement party. We didn't even know the guy, Liv. Do you remember why we went?"

She nodded. "Yeah, we were stuck at the station. I drove that day. I drove out to Queens, picked you up, by the time we hit the thruway my car broke down. We had to have it towed to the nearest garage and take a taxi into..."

"And look," he said, jabbing a finger at the picture. "In the background...by the door...coming in..."

"The mechanic," she whispered. "He dropped off my car...oh, God, El, was that...?"

Elliot stopped her as he moved to grab his cell phone off the table. "The garage was in Queens. That must have been how he found you, ya know? Seeing you, seeing your name. How he realized who you were." He looked at her and dialed, calling Cragen.

Olivia looked from him, down to the photograph, then up toward the ceiling. "Thanks," she whispered, shutting her eyes. And she swore she heard a whispered reply, Munch's dry voice.

"Anytime, Kid."

Her eyes opened, she turned toward Elliot, and she wrapped her arms around him again. She smiled, sinking into his tightening hold, and she knew that with two guardian angels, one in Heaven and one with her on Earth, she would never have to worry.

Or, at least, she hoped.

**A/N: FINAL chapter coming up. A moment of closure, of peace, or gratitude, and realization, all thrown into one. **


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: A moment of closure, of peace, or gratitude, and realization, all thrown into one.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

Elliot's hand was firmly gripping Olivia's as he pulled her through the squad room doors. It had only been a few hours since he made the phone call to Cragen, he thanked God his unit knew how to work fast when it mattered.

With one hand on her rounding belly, she sat in what used to be her chair, taking in the mess on the desk that her replacement had left. "Jesus," she said with a grimace. "How do you two get any work done with all of this crap lying around?"

Elliot shook his head. "It isn't easy," he said, sighing. He pulled a chair over next to her and sat, his arms quickly enveloping her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "After that letter that Kathy gave me, and Tucker knowing something I didn't...and now this?" She trembled slightly. "I don't know what to believe, but I know that I just want it to be over. If Tucker knew this whole time that this was the man..."

Cragen interrupted him. "It's not," he said.

Elliot looked up, confused. "What?"

"We picked up the mechanic, his name's Al, and he doesn't own a computer," Cragen folded his arms. "His cell phone is a simple flip, no internet access."

Olivia furrowed her brow. "Then how did he send..."

"I think the cap is trying to tell you he didn't send that e-mail." Elliot kissed her forehead and looked back at Cragen. "Do you know who did?"

Cragen took a deep breath and said, "That's why we called you down here. We know. And, uh, well, it's...it's not..."

"Just tell us," Olivia said. "Those were some pretty serious threats and if this guy is still out there..."

"We left the kids home alone," Elliot said with a horrified gasp.

"Relax," Cragen said, holding up both hands. "I told you we found out who it was, and he's here, and he's not going to hurt anyone."

Olivia tilted her head. "Well?"

Cragen turned and nodded toward the door to the pit. "Go look for yourself," he said. "Just don't do anything stupid."

Olivia looked at Elliot, concerned, and stood up. He wrapped his arm around her waist and walked with her to the back, into the dark room, and through the double-sided glass, they saw Fin and Breslin, standing over the cool table, staring at the man who'd threatened Olivia.

They were staring down at David McNamara, her partner.

Olivia's hand flew over her mouth and Elliot's face reddened. "What the fuck is going on?" he snarled.

Cragen, who had walked behind them, said, "He sent the e-mail from an internet cafe, hoping to scare Olivia."

"Well it worked!" Elliot hissed. "Did he tell you why?"

"He wanted to save her," Cragen said. "He told Fin that he felt like he needed to prove himself somehow, get you both to trust him."

"So how did he...I mean the whole mechanic story?" Olivia asked, confused.

Breslin, who had come out of the interrogation room in time to hear that question, shut the door as he answered, "He got the file out of Tucker's office. Your father, Olivia, was a cop. A good one. But he had problems, a lot of them, and when he couldn't do the job anymore, he retired to the middle of nowhere and opened a garage."

"So, then you know who he is?" Elliot asked, fire in his eyes. "You knew the whole time, and just because he was a cop you let him go?"

Olivia couldn't help the tears that fell. "Why?"

Breslin looked up. "He was a cop, it had to be handled by IAB." he scratched his head and said, "When they ran out of leads, the case went cold, and by the time they found new evidence, you were on the squad. You know they couldn't investigate without involving you. Tucker didn't want to do that."

"After Kathy brought that letter in, Olivia, I went to find him, I swear I did," Cragen said as his arms fell to his sides. "He's dead, Olivia."

Another tear fell. "Figures," she said with a sniffle. "I guess now I'll never know anything but his name." She turned to Elliot and said, "So much for your theory about Munch and that picture."

"Hey," Elliot said with a small chuckle. "I still think it was a sign. Maybe not about your father, but about us. You and me."

She dropped her head to his shoulder and inhaled deeply, relishing for a moment in the scent of Ivory soap and expensive cologne that filled her nostrils. "He knew, even then."

"We all did," Cragen said. "Some of us were hoping we were wrong, but things happen for a reason," he said. "If you two didn't go through everything together..."

"Yeah." Elliot nodded and nuzzled further into Olivia. "We know." He turned to face the glass again, and saw Fin talking in what looked to be a very angry manner, to David. "What's gonna happen to him?"

Breslin sighed. "Obviously, he lost his badge," he said. "But then it's up to a judge. That's if you want to press charges, Benson."

"Stabler," she corrected with a soft sniffle. "Yeah. I do."

Elliot nodded, too, his eyes welling with tears of exhaustion and worry blended with anger and hate as he watched Fin rise and head for the door.

"Punk ass son of a..." Fin stopped. "Oh. Hey."

Elliot held out a hand. "Thank you," he said, gripping Fin's hand tightly and shaking it.

"Anytime, man," Fin replied, slapping his friend's shoulder. He looked at Olivia, his head felling a bit. "How are ya, Baby-Girl?"

She nodded. "Better now," she said. "I know that I'll never meet my father, and I know...I know that I have to live with it. It's closure, at least."

Fin chuckled. "That's good, but, uh, I meant how are ya..." he stopped and rested a hand on her medium sized bump.

She laughed and shook her head. "Going crazy," she said.

Elliot groaned. "She's got weird cravings, morning sickness, afternoon sickness, midnight sickness, and if I have to hear her complaints about swollen ankles or sore feet..."

"Excuse me?" she asked, turning to Elliot and raising an eyebrow.

He winked and kissed her. "I'm teasing you," he said, splaying both palms over her belly. "I love you, swollen ankles and all."

She leaned into him and looked at Cragen. "Thank you," she said. "For everything. Really."

Cragen looked at them, smiled, and said, "No. Thank you. You both...I'm a different man because of you. I owe a lot of things in my life to you two, and it's a debt that I'll carry with me until the day I die."

Breslin cleared his throat. "Not that I want to ruin this moment," he said, tugging on his tie, "But we need to get that asshole down to holding, and someone needs to call up to Tucker. I think Ben...uh...Stabler needs a new partner.

Olivia laughed and said, "I'll go up with Elliot and tell him. I have to talk to my captain anyway."

"Scheduling your leave?" Fin asked.

Olivia nodded and squeezed Elliot's hand. They both waved to Fin, Breslin, and Cragen, and made their way out, heading up to TARU to talk to Olivia's captain. As they made their way through the squad room, Olivia felt a soft breeze blow through her hair. She looked around, confused.

It wasn't a breezy evening at all, and the windows were closed.

She smiled, then, and said a soft, "Hi, Munch." She felt the breeze dissipate slowly and then felt Elliot tug on her hand. "I'm coming," she said.

She walked with him, out of the squad room and into the hallway, feeling at ease for the first time in a long while. With one hand over her child, and the other pressed into the palm of her husband, she moved through the door and up the stairs, realizing that she was about to request time off to have a baby, with Elliot.

Every dream she had ever had was coming true, and she only just became aware of it all in this moment. She stopped walking and yanked lightly on Elliot's hand.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning around.

"I love you," she said. Simple. Firm.

He pulled her closer, and in the dark landing of a police station stairwell, against a dirty, rusted door, he kissed her.

His hands wrapped around her body, his tongue swept over her lips and into her mouth, his moans floated up to her ears, and his heart pounded in his chest.

Every move of hers mimicked his, her every emotion was shadowed by one from him, and this moment, this spontaneous and magical moment, meant everything to her.

And to him.

Olivia pulled away first, looking into Elliot's eyes, and she took another deep breath before following him through the door to her department. She wasn't stuck anymore, and she was grateful.

They decided long ago to live in the moment, worry only about the present, but with a new life coming into their world soon, they had no choice but to look to the future. A future, they knew, that would be fine each incredible moment becoming an incredible memory.

**A/N: This story is now just a memory, but I hope you enjoyed all of its moments. Twitter: TracieOneSeven **


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